• (cs)

    Speaking of other fun garage sale finds...

    About ten years ago, I stopped at a garage sale on my way to work and I picked up this hideous oil painting for fifty cents. There was no way I'd be allowed to bring such a thing in my home, so I hung it up in my cubicle. Most coworkers said the sight of it made their day that much more dreary.

    [image]

    I'm pretty sure I left it there when I quit. I did take the coat hanger, however.

  • Dredge Slug (unregistered)

    first! but it is not half as dreary as the flourescent bulbs and gopher landscaping.

  • (cs)

    You fight like a dairy farmer!

  • Zemyla (unregistered) in reply to Smash King
    Smash King:
    You fight like a dairy farmer!
    How appropriate, you fight like a cow.
  • minim (unregistered)

    Your ________ is so ________ that even ________ won't ________.

    End User Insult Agreement:

    By reading this insult you agree to fill it in with particulars relevant to your situation. You are so much stupider than most of the stupid people I deal with all day that I can't be bothered filling it in for you.

  • Addison (unregistered)

    Sounds like a precursor to "Yo mama" jokes.

  • Evo (unregistered) in reply to Zemyla
    Zemyla:
    Smash King:
    You fight like a dairy farmer!
    How appropriate, you fight like a cow.

    Does that mean you stick your hand up his ass, too?

  • 50% Opacity (unregistered)

    My sword is famous all over the Caribbean!

  • Rev. Creflo Baller (unregistered) in reply to Alex Papadimoulis

    You sure that book was from 1965 and not 1865?

    "Why, she's such a regular flibbertigibbet, it's like there's an autogyro in her shirtwaist!"

  • Guy (unregistered) in reply to 50% Opacity
    50% Opacity:
    My sword is famous all over the Caribbean!

    Too bad no one's ever heard of YOU at all.

  • 50% Opacity (unregistered)

    Have you stopped wearing diapers yet?

  • krupa (unregistered)

    I've always wanted to be a more acute caricaturist and now I can be! Thanks Alex!

  • (cs)

    Groucho Marx had some of the best insults and zingers ever in my opinion. Here are a few of his quotes I like to keep memorized:

    All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats. -GM

    From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it. -GM

    Humor is reason gone mad. -GM

    I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. -GM

    I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30. -GM

    She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. -GM

    Remember, you're defending this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did! -GM

    Hehe, the man is funny to watch.

  • JD (unregistered)

    Well I think you're finally starting to lose it but I still thoroughly enjoyed this article. And anyone who complains should be careful what they wish for - after all, next time it could be more MFD!

    Thanks guys.

  • foobar (unregistered)

    The Real WTF is that MFD is less funny than that insult book.

  • Vollhorst (unregistered) in reply to Alex Papadimoulis
    Alex Papadimoulis:
    Speaking of other fun garage sale finds...[...]
    You work in a cubicle? No needs to insult you at least.
  • grammernarzee (unregistered)

    "One of my all-time favorite pastimes is saleing"

    Saleing? Saleing??! What kind of ugly word is that?

    Please remember: Verbing nouns weirds language. And we have to use English too, so stop arse-ing around with it.

  • Jones (unregistered) in reply to foobar

    yeah, how can you make fun of something for not being funny, all the while making new MFDs!? Hypocrite

  • Thnurg (unregistered)

    Any of the wee neds round my way (that's juvenile delinquants where I come from) would respond to those insults with "WTF are youse on aboot ya big eejit?" and you'd probably get chibbed (stabbed) for your efforts.

  • my name is missing (unregistered) in reply to Alex Papadimoulis

    You do realize that painting is a genuine Gottfried Wiederlich masterpiece, worth at least $50,000 at auction?

  • 50% Opacity (unregistered) in reply to 50% Opacity
    50% Opacity:
    Have you stopped wearing diapers yet?

    Oh come on, nobody?

  • (cs)

    I am convinced, now more than ever, that Alex has two, full arm, sleeve tattoos. My guess would be dragon on one arm and a phoenix on the other.

  • esse (unregistered) in reply to grammernarzee
    grammernarzee:
    Saleing? Saleing??! What kind of ugly word is that?
    Hey, I'm a saleor, you insensitive clod!
  • geez (unregistered)

    the good thing is that playgirls don't have to say stop anymore...

  • Steve H (unregistered) in reply to Jones
    Jones:
    yeah, how can you make fun of something for not being funny, all the while making new MFDs!? Hypocrite
    Jesus, read the article before posting.
  • Yep (unregistered) in reply to Guy

    I once owned a dog that was smarter than you.

  • Yep (unregistered) in reply to 50% Opacity
    50% Opacity:
    Have you stopped wearing diapers yet?
    Why, did you want to borrow one?
  • Mr. Bean (unregistered)

    Pah!! A mere book on insults! Pathetic!

    What you need is a web site that generates them automatically for you at the touch of a button.

    Fortunately for you, I happen to know of such a beast.

    toys.spudley.com/insult.php

    (okay, so it's not all neatly categorised like the book, but it is randomised, and lets face it, that's so much more fun ;-) )

  • 50% Opacity (unregistered) in reply to Yep
    Yep:
    I once owned a dog that was smarter than you.

    He must have taught you everything you know.

  • JD (unregistered)

    I wish I could remember these Monkey Island insults so I can play along. All I remember about that game was having to ask the same sailor the same thing about 50 times to get something (but his response changed every time so you knew you had to persevere). And something about having to get some grog to a door before it melted the cup... oh, so very long ago.

  • sg (unregistered) in reply to esse
    esse:
    grammernarzee:
    Saleing? Saleing??! What kind of ugly word is that?
    Hey, I'm a saleor, you insensitive clod!
    So how do you like them seamen?
  • (cs)
    She's willing, and so's her mother.
    Do you have their number?
  • 50% Opacity (unregistered)

    No one will ever catch ME fighting as badly as you do.

  • (cs) in reply to grammernarzee
    grammernarzee:
    Please remember: Verbing nouns weirds language.

    Amplify it: Verbing substantives weirds speechification.

  • itgirl (unregistered) in reply to Rev. Creflo Baller
    Rev. Creflo Baller:
    You sure that book was from 1965 and not 1865?

    "Why, she's such a regular flibbertigibbet, it's like there's an autogyro in her shirtwaist!"

    Can't help but think, given the antiquated font on the cover that maybe the author intended it to sound 1865ish. Although I could be giving the author far too much credit. Either way, I'd be embarrassed to use such pathetic quips

  • shane (unregistered)

    anyone else notice that the funniest insult is the one under alex's picture?

  • (cs) in reply to Yep
    Yep:
    I once owned a dog that was smarter than you.

    Why'd you get rid of him then? Were you pissed when he wouldn't do your homework for you?

  • (cs) in reply to shane
    shane:
    anyone else notice that the funniest insult is the one under alex's picture?

    I thought the picture was the insult. If I looked like that I'd shave my butt and learn to walk backwards on my hands. :)

  • Ferat (unregistered) in reply to 50% Opacity
    50% Opacity:
    No one will ever catch ME fighting as badly as you do.
    You run THAT fast?
  • (cs)

    I think Alex has a problem on the personal level.

  • Wongo (unregistered) in reply to rpresser
    rpresser:
    grammernarzee:
    Please remember: Verbing nouns weirds language.

    Amplify it: Verbing substantives weirds speechification.

    Or: nounverbing pidgins.

  • biziclop (unregistered) in reply to JD
    JD:
    I wish I could remember these Monkey Island insults so I can play along. All I remember about that game was having to ask the same sailor the same thing about 50 times to get something (but his response changed every time so you knew you had to persevere). And something about having to get some grog to a door before it melted the cup... oh, so very long ago.

    -My handkerchief will wipe up your blood! -So you got that job as janitor, after all.

    Yes, this book is well and truly Monkey Island-ish.

  • (cs)

    You know, you look a ;lot less geeky than I expected, and also bear a passing resemblance to my Year 9 Geography teacher. And I actually kind of like that oil painting; it has something of an old Asimov paperback cover about it.

  • (cs)
    niggardly
    Excellent.
  • (cs)

    Actually, "He has the personality of the back wall of a handball court" is pretty good. Or maybe it just sounds pretty good in comparison to the rest of them.

  • GLM (unregistered) in reply to Jake Grey
    Jake Grey:
    You know, you look a ;lot less geeky than I expected, and also bear a passing resemblance to my Year 9 Geography teacher. And I actually kind of like that oil painting; it has something of an old Asimov paperback cover about it.

    http://giantlegoman.com/lego-images/lego.gif

  • Paul W. Homer (unregistered)

    That book is so funny, I almost lost my physical sensations! :-)

    Awesome find, dude. Probably worth at least 55 cents.

    Paul.

  • Anonymous Cow-Herd (unregistered) in reply to Alex Papadimoulis
    Alex Papadimoulis:
    Speaking of other fun garage sale finds...

    I wonder who this Alex fellow is who keeps getting unfunny comments featured ...

  • Oh no you didint (unregistered) in reply to Rev. Creflo Baller
    "Why, she's such a regular flibbertigibbet, it's like there's an autogyro in her shirtwaist!"
    Oh, snap!
  • skin256 (unregistered)

    The real WTF is that he doesn't like skateboards.

Leave a comment on “A Book Review: 2000 Insults for All Occasions”

Log In or post as a guest

Replying to comment #222346:

Log Out

« Return to Article