• (cs)

    Why do you see a need to bypass LBA? Wouldn't it be simpler to use a single LBA address instead? The CHS address can be converted to LBA for backwards compatibility.

    I'd like to see the source code to see how the database can be expanded to use more generic storage solutions like USB drives.

    Would you be willing to open source APDB?

  • tomurb (unregistered)

    GREAT!That was the thing the whole industry was waiting for! I'm already going to install this on all production servers!

  • Anonymous (unregistered)

    Well done for defining an entire assembly as a raw byte array then dynamically loading it through reflection. Made it much more fun than usual to figure out what was going on in there!

    As for the people complaining about running untrusted executables - are you in school or what? You don't need to run an executable to figure out what it will do.

  • EatenByAGrue (unregistered)

    What Alex failed to make clear is that APDB allows you to leverage industry best practices to create a service-oriented SOX-compliant EnergyStar-approved system capable of lightweight agile processing in the enterprise environment.

  • Dave (unregistered)

    The real WTF is that it took me way too long to realize this was a WTF.

  • (cs)

    You didn't mention another highly important feature: The APDB can work just as fine on an embedded platform with no filesystem.

  • Yes Indeed (unregistered)

    applause

    (b) disasembled the code and saw the facade

  • you crazy (unregistered) in reply to Anonymous

    Right yeah, next time I'm bored and have time on my hands I'll make sure to bear it in mind.

  • Anonymous (unregistered) in reply to EatenByAGrue
    EatenByAGrue:
    What Alex failed to make clear is that APDB allows you to leverage industry best practices to create a service-oriented SOX-compliant EnergyStar-approved system capable of lightweight agile processing in the enterprise environment.
    Come say that to my boss and he'll hire you on the spot. A critical mass of buzzwords like that and you can't fail. It really doesn't matter that it's nonsense.
  • you crazy (unregistered) in reply to you crazy
    you crazy:
    Right yeah, next time I'm bored and have time on my hands I'll make sure to bear it in mind.

    Meant to quote this:

    As for the people complaining about running untrusted executables - are you in school or what? You don't need to run an executable to figure out what it will do.
  • Twigg (unregistered)

    "Although the APDB Engine is written in machine code, I used .NET 2.0 for menu stuff"

    That's pure win.

  • RobReagan (unregistered)

    AP, this was working awesome, but my drive crashed. Luckily I had a backup. But now after the restore on a separate drive, I'm getting the exception "No data at cylinder/sector/address." Can you help?

  • LIUNX NERD (unregistered)

    We've had this stuff for years, just a coupla calls to "dd" and you're sorted. Your "solution" doesn't even run under WINE...

    I recommend you install Ubuntu and rewrite this in Bash/awk, shouldn't take more than 10 minutes

  • (cs)

    You had me going until JavaScript. Well played, Mr. P.

  • (cs)

    It was so fast, I looked up data today and got it yesterday!

  • Ken (unregistered) in reply to Loof Lirpa

    I can't tell if this person was completely duped or if they are trolling for people to laugh at them for being duped. I kinda hope it is the second one.

  • Derek (unregistered)

    Hi.

    Your application is great. It didn't recognize our hard disks at first, but we just reflector'd the executable, made a few changes and recompiled it as a dll.

    It's going in production tomorrow.

    thnx:D

  • Tzafrir Cohen (unregistered) in reply to All your base are belong to us
    All your base are belong to us:
    I see some fundamental problems with this and look forward to seeing them released in the next update (which I suspect will take just about exactly a year to develop.)

    What happens with 4K sector disks that are coming on line. Will this still work?

    What if I want to run this on a flash drive? They don't address memory the same way.

    It breaks. And in WTF-worthy ways of their own: http://lwn.net/Articles/377895/

    (That article is Linux-specific, but explains the main issues. You'll have to read most of the way through to encounter the worst parts)

    Also note that with flash drives you actually have much logic that separates between you and the actual storage. If you can use a raw storage and a log-structured file-system on top of it, you can probably do some more interesting stuff.

  • Robert (unregistered) in reply to Ken
    Ken:
    I can't tell if this person was completely duped or if they are trolling for people to laugh at them for being duped. I kinda hope it is the second one.

    Seeing as how their poster name is 'Loof Lirpa' (hint: read it backwards') I am pretty sure they knew what was going on. Unless, you are trying to dupe people into thinking you think a person got duped! dons tin foil hat

  • grizz (unregistered) in reply to KirbyG
    KirbyG:
    Any description of a release that includes "There are no known bugs" is a prank in itself...

    Quite the contrary! It's really simple to release a product with no known bugs. Simply place you hands over your ears and go "la la la!" any time it appears someone is about to tell you about a problem!

  • (cs) in reply to BentFranklin
    BentFranklin:
    Your database technology is FAT!
    This line didn't sound quite right though:
    A pattern that I’d recommend is to simply use the first head on each disk for your index storage.
    I think he meant to say first cylinder rather than first head. FAT reserves the first track for the FAT+root dir, not 50% of the entire disk!
  • David (unregistered) in reply to Sam

    The filesystem for the IBM System i (is that still what they are calling it? It changes names like every month) is basically a DB2 database, if I remember correctly.

  • (cs)

    "It’d be as futile as trying to explain Twitter to someone from 1999."

    It'd be as futile as trying to explain Twitter to someone from 2011.

  • Rudy Komacsarluctus (unregistered)

    APDB v1.3.9 (x86) (C) 2010, Alex Papadimoulis

    Unpacking libraries........ Loading plugins... Inspecting run-time environment.................... Initializing environment..

    INITIALIZATION ERROR! Interrupt descriptor table register (IDTR) contains unexpected contents. This condition occurs when APDB is running in a virtual machine, which is not supported.

    Press ENTER to quit...

  • Thg (unregistered)

    What were you smoking when you wrote this crap editorial ?!?! The Relational Database is one of those brilliant primitive innovations, where every attempt to produce something theoretically better leads to an unworkable dead-end.

    ... like the C programming language, or the bound paper book.

    They work, and they work simply---without the convolutions of their would-be replacements.

    And another thing: I knew this was an April Fools joke all along. (ha! got you! ... maybe)

    Captha! damnum (I think it's missing a 'b' on the end)

  • tragomaskhalos (unregistered)

    Named after Alex, but cuter would be Avril Poisson DB ! Nice gag, except that a lot of the NoSQL stuff is no less extreme than this !!!

  • (cs)

    From 1999? Hell, I still don't understand what all the hub-bub is about. I don't get it, really. Who cares that you just got home? Who cares that you're watching American Idol?

  • anon (unregistered)

    Public Shared Sub WriteLineAwesomely(ByVal s As String, ByVal dots As Integer, ByVal sleep As Integer)

    kule!

  • (cs)

    I wouldn’t call Notepad a disassembler, but it got the job done. You should make it a bit harder the next time.

  • Anonymously Yours (unregistered)

    As one of your many converts to Front Ahead Design, I lament that I can't roll this database out immediately. There's just too much SQL in our FAD sites. With everything crammed into the view, we'd need some kind of... I don't know, comments? Docs? We'd need something to tell us what we did, where we did it, and why. Anything we had like that would have been on disposable media (likely paper towels) and was used to mop up spilled coffee long ago.

    Anyhow, my suggestion is you support your fellow FADders until we can create replacements for our existing work. We need some kind of daemon that acts as a middleman to translate SQL into JavaScript APDB recipes on the fly. It wouldn't be getting CHD#s, so you'd probably have to convert the IDs and table names into some kind of hash, allocating blocks on the fly, managing the indexes, and so on. It would be a "SQL Hashing-Allocating Management Etc. Daemon" to support existing code.

    You'd definitely get APDB out there to the public faster if it could run with existing code. After a bug-free release, I'm sure integration using my middleman suggetion would be seamless!

  • Samuel A. Falvo II (unregistered)

    In recognizing this is an April Fool's joke, I must remind you that Forth beat you to the punch, most likely before you were born. Certainly a decade before I was born...

    It's called block storage, and is actually superior to your approach, because it uses logical block addressing, not CHS addressing.

    And, yes, I use the technique in my Forth-written blog. I'm imminently pleased with the results. See http://www.falvotech.com/blog2/blog.fs/articles/1002 .

  • Filo (unregistered)

    I believe table mountain is relatively easy to model.

    Good article, I was hooked.

  • caught me too (unregistered) in reply to fool

    bahahaha... me too... is that sad?

    also, i'm still new to the IT world. i wasn't entirely sure this was a load of bunk until i started reading the comments.. then i remembered the date.... 'nuff said...

  • HeWhoComesBackToHauntYou (unregistered)

    TRWTF is that you're using JavaScript instead of VBScript. However, even VBScript would be suboptimal. I suggest you make everyone write their scripts in machine code as well, like that you don't get any performance bottlenecks from those silly VMs (or even sillier JITs).

    Also, how well would this scale to a cloud setting? Since everyone knows the cloud is dah future!

    Captcha: nulla - I like my pointers nulla flavoured!

  • kayeff (unregistered) in reply to Tom
    Tom:
    Will this be open sourced, or are you part of the evil monopoly?

    It was written in machine code and he gave you the binary... that's as open source as it gets.

  • ShowMeTheMonkey (unregistered) in reply to SR
    SR:
    It's true that APDB does run better spread over 10 partitions.

    Outer sectors of the drives, people. Outer sectors only!

    Are there extra points for quoting a previous WTF?

  • zoips (unregistered)

    Worth it just for ReticulateSplines().

  • SR (unregistered) in reply to Brian follower of Deornoth
    Brian follower of Deornoth:
    "It’d be as futile as trying to explain Twitter to someone from 1999."

    It'd be as futile as trying to explain Twitter to someone from 2011.

    +1 (Funny) +1 (Insightful)

    PS It'd be as futile as trying to explain Twitter to someone from 2010.

  • PITA (unregistered) in reply to ShowMeTheMonkey
    ShowMeTheMonkey:
    SR:
    It's true that APDB does run better spread over 10 partitions.

    Outer sectors of the drives, people. Outer sectors only!

    Are there extra points for quoting a previous WTF?

    You get points for stuff?

  • James (unregistered)

    You just don't know MySQL well enough. :) You should have used the Blackhole storage engine: instantaneous commits and selects with unlimited capacity for data. And only one result from a select, so you can optimize away all of your selects.

  • (cs) in reply to Loof Lirpa
    Loof Lirpa:
    Hmm, I think this is pretty dumb. You are taking away a lot of the abstraction which has been put in, over the years, for a very good reason. I can imagine that using physical locators is fast, but you are taking away a lot of the checks & strategy which the filesystem does for you.

    Admittedly this will make things faster in a single instance, but overall you will have worst robustness and you will have to implement filing strategies yourself (of course, this may be what you want!).

    Also, I am not sure how many people will want to give up SQL!

    I admit it, Loof Lirpa almost had me believing someone fell for it... ah well, what a day to get caught by a troll huh?

    And the line about Enterprise support being addressed in the next version...

  • Scott_Babu (unregistered)

    Had me going all the way. Good one

  • (cs) in reply to PITA
    PITA:
    ShowMeTheMonkey:
    SR:
    It's true that APDB does run better spread over 10 partitions.

    Outer sectors of the drives, people. Outer sectors only!

    Are there extra points for quoting a previous WTF?

    You get points for stuff?

    -1 for asking about the points

  • (cs) in reply to sadwings
    sadwings:
    Nice of you to let TopCod3r submit today's article!
    This cracked me up.

    Nice way to end my day, after not seeing one April's Fools joke the entire day. (even the mail about cake during coffee time was real!)

    Of course APDB reminds me of this other thing, oh yeah, a file system

  • NorgTheFat (unregistered)

    Wow, now if only we could integrate APDB with the "customer friendly system" and the "Enterprise Rules Engine" programming would be so much easier!

    But seriously, nice April Fools joke Alex!

  • CT (unregistered)

    Trackbacks (URL)

    * April Fools on the Web. (04/01/2010)

    Suave.

  • (cs)

    I was kind of hoping for a Rick Roll...

  • Nobody (unregistered)

    Back in the early 90s we used to use video grabber cards that had a hard drive mounted on the card. It used the disk as a big fifo buffer and wrote directly to the disk blocks with no filesystem to get enough speed. If you had a bad block you had a bad bit of image - tough

  • Tom (unregistered)

    I Topeka'd for other DBs of this type, but didn't find anything like it.

  • MD (unregistered)

    How much for an enterprise license for 30,000 users and 200 developers? We're looking for a replacement for our 19 Teradata nodes...

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