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Admin
Why did you bother making this reply? For that matter, why did I bother replying to your reply?
Either way, lighten up, Francis.
goes off to find more coffee
Admin
I fail to see the humour in your post.
Admin
Admin
... becomes pornographic.
By the way, you think the "I are serious cat" series comes from regex ?
Admin
Oh, we ARE a team. Now gives us our precious...
Admin
Why can't developers have their own databases. Each his own that they can play and break. Only when code goes to testing or more so production, the review process should be in place.
Admin
I think you mean FWEST.
Admin
"I once got called into an "Attitude readjustment" meeting..." Perhaps that's what the memo called it, but you're still breathing, so it wasn't.
Admin
A quweck wem macro shoud fwex that
Admin
Once again, this is figuring you have someone knowledgeable enough about ADO.NET and TSQL in order to implement an efficient/effective service interface... well, maybe not..
So, in true separation of DBA from developer, a DBA never messes with service interfaces and all that "mumbo jumbo". So, in all actuality, we don't provide a service from the DB perspective.
UNLESS all SQL is handled by the DBA via sprocs. :P
Then your service interface will have a section with data access components that will call these sprocs, and you have true separation and now you have DBAs who won't complain about what's happening in code.. Atleast, I think so... :P
But it doesn't always work that way, especially on small projects. If there is SQL in code, I'll want to look it over instead of trying to infer it from system views (ugh, that just doesn't sound fun at all...)
Admin
ALL YOUR DATABASE ARE BELONG TO US
Admin
uNNNNGHHHHHnhhhHhh 62nD!!!!!!!!111oneone!!23#42sixtytwo
Admin
Oubliette! Nice...Finally, 24 years since I saw the movie Labyrinth w/ David Bowie, I finally see the word in action. Bravo!
"Ludo down!"
"Did she say it yet?"
Dick Asscock, III
Admin
That is of course how things should be. Then management checks the pricing of Oracle, and suddenly every developer's database runs on the production server, and one dailyWTF-candidate developer eats all the IO on the server, grinding production to a halt.
Admin
I was the lead developer and got sick of messing with the DB. So we hired a DBA and put him to work. If made one of the junior developers a junior DBA and gave the underling to him as a sort of sacrifice.
We gave him the requirements and he had to create all the structures, write all the stored procedures and maintain all the security.
It was wonderful while it lasted. If I needed a new column returned I would email him and he would make the changes. If a query was taking to long he had to find out why and fix it. If he screwed up we came down hard on him. But developers where never allowed to touch the DB. He had to consolidate all requests and only he (and his junior DBA) could do this. Things went wonderfully and productivity increased while DB errors decreased. Reports became much more clear, accurate and they ran faster.
Bliss.
But he eventually convinced the boss that DBAs were not supposed to actually to do anything. They are just supposed to administer other peoples work. Do back ups and review others requests. But the actual work was to be done by the developers AFTER he approved it.
The problem is the some (most?) DBAs add nothing of value to the development process. They are only bureaucrats. Well paid ones but still...
Admin
One of my larger customers engages in this behavior. The only problem is that the various members of "we" have conflicting operational and political agendas, and so dealing with "we" is often like dealing with a severely bipolar crack addict.
Admin
We are not amused.
Admin
In very large companies I hear that is more of a common practice, but it's because they have other things to do... like manage "db programmers", user accounts, backups, bulk data transfers, security, maintaining indexes, dealing with fragmentation, scheduling jobs, perhaps generating views for common parts of queries, etc etc etc...
But I've also heard of DBAs that sit around and just do backups @ wtf-savvy companies. pretty lame.
Admin
ROFL! Brillant!
Admin
Am I the only one that immediately thought of Ayn Rand's Anthem? It's about a future dystopia where the concept of the individual no longer exists. It's a Liberal's wet dream. The protagonist in the mini-novel refers to himself as "we". Took a few chapters to get used to. BTW, the story, if slightly adapted to modern times, would easily resemble any of the WTFs you see posted here. Someone discovers a better way of doing something, proposes it to the collective (management) and is shot down because he didn't follow the right process.
Ayn Rand: Anthem
Plot summary
Equality 7-2521, writing in a tunnel under the earth, explains his background, the society around him, and his emigration. His exclusive use of plural pronouns (we, our, they) to refer to himself and others is immediately obvious. The idea of the World council was to eliminate all individualist ideas. It was so stressed, that people were burned at the stake for saying the unspeakable word (Revealed at the end of the novella to be "I"). He recounts his early life. He was raised, like all children in the world of Anthem, away from his parents in the Home of the Infants, then transferred to the Home of the Students, where he began his schooling. Later, he realized that he was born with a curse: he is eager to think and question, and unwilling to give up himself for others, which violates the principles upon which Anthem's society is founded. He excelled in math and science, and dreamed of becoming a Scholar. However, the Council of Vocations assigned him to the Home of the Street Sweepers.
Equality is assigned to work as a street sweeper, and accepts it willingly to repent for his transgression (his desire to learn). He works with International 4-8818 and Union 5-3992. International is exceptionally tall, a great artist (which is his transgression, as only people chosen to be artists may draw), and Equality's only friend (having a friend also being a crime because, in Anthem's society, one is not supposed to prefer one of one's brothers over the rest). Union, "they of the half-brain," suffers from epilepsy.
However, he remains curious. One day, he finds the entrance to a subway tunnel in his assigned work area and explores it, despite his colleague's protests that an action unauthorized by a Council is forbidden. Equality realizes that the tunnel is left over from the Unmentionable Times, before the creation of Anthem's society, and is curious about it. During the daily three hour-long play, he leaves the rest of the community at the theater and enters the tunnel and undertakes scientific experiments.
Working outside the City one day, by a field, Equality meets and falls in love with a woman, Liberty 5-3000, whom he names "The Golden One". Also, Liberty 5-3000 names Equality "The Unconquered."
Continuing his scientific work, he rediscovers electricity and the lightbulb. He decides to take his inventions to the World Council of Scholars, so that they will recognize his talent and allow him to work with them. He is still motivated by a socially instilled need to aid his fellow citizens. However, his absence from the Home of the Street Sweepers is noticed, and he is arrested and then sent to the Palace of Corrective Detention, from which he easily escapes after being tortured.
The day after his escape, he walks in on the World Council of Scholars, and presents his finding to them. They are horrified, and reject it because it was not authorized by a Council and threatens to upset the equilibrium of their world. When they try to destroy his invention, he takes it and flees into the forest outside the City.
After living in the forest for several days, Equality stumbles upon the Golden One, Liberty 5-3000, who has followed him from the City. They embrace, struggling to express their feelings for each other as they have no knowledge of the word "I". They find and enter a house from the Unmentionable Times in the mountains, perfectly preserved for hundreds of years by thick overgrowth. They decide to live in it.
While reading books from the house's library, Equality and Liberty discover the forbidden word "I", and understand the word's sacred value and the individuality it expresses. They give themselves new names from the books: Equality becomes Prometheus, and Liberty becomes Gaea. As the book closes, Prometheus talks about the past, wonders how men could give up their individuality, and charts a future in which they will regain it.
Admin
Admin
Apparently it's company policy that every employee carries a turd in their pocket.
Admin
There is such a job title as Application DBA. I used to be one. It was part of my job to review all the PL/SQL packages going into the database, and be a resource to developer teams to help tune their client side SQL, and even overall application architecture. Trying to avoid the confrontational attitude you're showcasing was generally useful, but it was in fact my responsibility to say "no" to the silliest proposals.
And in the spirit of cooperation, I imagine that if a developer had felt he had something to contribute, I would have shown him init.ora. Refusing qualified help out of some misguided sense of pride or animosity between departments is just daft. But while a developer's review of init.ora would have resulted in nothing more than suggestions, I had absolute veto over SQL run against the database. Beacause that was in fact the job description.
Admin
People like you make me stop reading the rest of the comments. I think it was pretty clear that it was a joke, and I'm reasonably certain 99% of the TDWTF population is sick of reading that people "fail". That wasn't funny or clever last year, and it certainly isn't getting any closer.
Admin
And people like the original poster make me stop reading comments because they clog them up with useless, wrong, stupid crap. Then, when called on it, suddenly they're "only joking".
Don't fall for it. It's a lazy attempt to save face when called on being caught for the idiot they are.
Emoticons exist for a reason. If the original poster was really "joking" they could have used one to mark it. Lord knows that there'd be no other way to tell, since it certainly wasn't funny, amusing, or clever in any way, shape, or form.
Admin
There is no We in TEAMWORK
Admin
We prefer service interfaces. We do my job by giving you my specs, you return with the proper results. You stay off my lawn, and We'll stay off yours. Wef you fail to provide your service correctly, we'll take it up with your boss. Play wannabe-programmer or wannabe-DBA on your own time; not mine.
Admin
Been there, heard that.
I agree that the first person singular should be used only when needed (including endorsing responsibility for something that went wrong).
Otherwise, the use of the impersonal style is advised (like this sentence).
"I" may be emphatic. Email is a pain for that. Which is why it is advised to never say anything negative by email. An smileys are very bad sugar coating.
Admin
Me, Myself and I.
Admin
I'm on the fence on this one. On one hand it seems the management failed to convey the message to the protagonist that his behaviour was causing some problems. The discussion of "I" vs. "We" deals with symptoms of the problem, rather than the root of the problem (a cooperative approach vs. a hierarchical military-style approach). On the other hand there seems a non-zero chance that the protagonist was simply being an ego-tripping jerk.
So, lacking more information I'd say moderate WTFs to everybody involved.
Admin
My response would've been. "Ok, then in that case, we quit".
Admin
Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial "we." --Mark Twain
Admin
Unrelated observation: In organisations that don't have a significant and skilled team for a task, it's too easy to assume the task is trivial. It happens to development, it happens to various tech admin roles.
People who underperform in better-understood roles will get shuffled into "trivial" roles. If you have several developers but no strong admin team, the bad developer gets shuffled, and reinforces the notion that "admins just do backups, passwords, and unjam printers".
Admin
This reminds me of the first episode of the IT Crowd (when the IT department goes to see the boss because they don't like the new employee Jen).
Boss (on the phone): You guys can't work as a team? Then your fired! makes another call to security Get security to the 30th floor and have them escort everyone out of the building. And make sure security works as a team. makes another call to human resources Security isn't working as a team, hire a new security team and have them escort the current one of of the building. Boss (turning to the IT department): Team team team team team. Team. Team. I love saying the word "team." Team.
Admin
U sick bastard ^^ I always wanted to get myself a robe for work :(
Admin
Admin
Like most Oracle DBAs, Shawn sounds like a control freak. And I dont mean that as a compliment.
When will DBAs, Tech Support people, and other 'IT' staff just accept the fact that we programmers reside at the top of the technical evolutionary pyramid? They exist to support programmers, the people who actually make the magic occur. No one 'aspires' to be a DBA or tech support person - those are just either people who couldnt succeed as programmers, or young folk who havent developed into that task yet.
As far as the boss - he's probably right. It sounds like the DBA came across as quite the jerk in email.
Admin
Oh, what a thing of beauty this manager has so unknowingly implemented.
Instead of poor Shawn taking the point role he gets to use the vague and sinister 'we'.
No longer is the requestor/demander confronting a lone worker. He is now coming smack dab up against the unknown group who can make or break his career with the uncaring flip of a hand.
Rejections are no longer personal. They're the undefined mass who are protecting the developer from their own well-meaning but ill-fated change.
I do have to admit I've seen this done but at a slightly higher managerial level. Never have I seen someone come back and try to find out who composes the group named 'we'.
Lucky Shawn...
Admin
You probably think that's a picture of my family. Uh uh. It's the A Team.
Admin
Shawn sounds lweke a dweck.
Admin
Now we know how Anthem truly begins. I think this "Shawn O." is really Shawn 0-5714.
P.S. It was a socialist's wet dream. The dystopia can just as easily be attributed to either of the modern US political philosophies. See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nolan_chart - the Anthem dystopia is the lower left, an equal distance from either US political party.
Admin
Not a big quake player, are we, Richy Rich?
e2m6: The Dismal Oubliette. (Last level of the second episode, "The Realm of Black Magic")
It's one of the longer levels in the game.
Admin
Admin
Well, i'm looking now at the execution plan for a view that a (i must say, not so experienced colleague) wrote. It is 326 lines long and has an estimated cost of 69020080846, estimated bytes 6308TB. I am not making this up. Fair to say, i see Shawn's point.
Admin
Fixed that for you.
Admin
Thanks for the link. You're right. The political spectrum is a circle, not a line. Fascism for example is (probably more so) just as much prevalent on the far left as it is on the far right. One side tells you you can't eat trans fats while the other side tells you that dildos can't be sold in stores. Both sides are equal shit heads.
Admin
Admin
Beautiful solution!
Admin
Wow what an idiot.
Admin
Under communism, you're probably cold and hungry too.