• bumblebeeman (unregistered)

    My favourite part was when that guy poured water on the keyboard and then demonstrated his shoe's grip 'in the wet'. wtf was that?

  • (cs)

    Diane == Paula? (P.S., Andrew, she's totally hot for you. Now go help her "normalize" her "database".)

  • DeveloperIsADirtyWord (unregistered)

    WTF.

    It took this guy six months?

    Look at his clues:

    • The guy in charge of internal ASP crap that doesn't know crap about ASP,
    • The 'Repo' developer who couldn't DBA herself out of a wet paper bag,
    • A pokeman collector who is literally cannon-fodder OUTSIDE of work,
    • And his manager who has time for four-square in the office, but can't cope with losing a game!

    Add to that the fact that as far as we can tell the first time he saw any code was five and a half months after he started... Where did he think this was going after 1 month, three months?

  • wtf (unregistered)

    nice post

    captcha: riaa ick

  • (cs)

    "It is her mission, apparently, to run out into the middle of an open area and get shot down so her teammates could spot the enemy."

    WTF

  • (cs) in reply to Vechni
    Vechni:
    "It is her mission, apparently, to run out into the middle of an open area and get shot down so her teammates could spot the enemy."

    WTF

    Misogyny at it's finest.

  • pytechd (unregistered)

    Run away, run away!

  • tabigarasu (unregistered)

    I really really hope this is an imaginative fiction.

  • (cs) in reply to pytechd

    Ok, the group is WTF-Heaven, but does he have job security for life? If so, then who cares... If I didn't have to worry about getting tossed and having to find a real job, I wouldn't mind getting paid to surf and play all day ;)

  • JLR (unregistered)

    Colt, as it turns out, has an unhealthy obsession with firearms.

    The name didn't give it away?

  • Mr Fred (unregistered)

    The real WTF is that the recruiting ad probably said something like "motivated self-starter needed for fast-paced challenging project with aggressive deadlines."

  • (cs)

    "He then lifted up one of his legs, and put his shoe on the desk, in the middle of the water. He then grabbed his ankle, tugging at it, and said, “good grip in the wet too.” And then he walked away."

    I almost expected this to say something about the ankle holster with his backup piece in it.

  • (cs) in reply to DeveloperIsADirtyWord
    DeveloperIsADirtyWord:
    Add to that the fact that as far as we can tell the first time he saw any code was five and a half months after he started... Where did he think this was going after 1 month, three months?

    I had a job much like this. Most of my day involved people coming and threatening to give me work to do. I was happy that I was going to be involved in so many projects. Except all these projects were 'Just around the Corner' for my entire stay at the company.

    It was a co-op job so luckily I wasn't stuck there for long.

  • (cs)

    Poor poor fella... I felt that way with my first QA job... I spent most of my free time doing my co-workers work because he was too dumb to figure out how to open internet explorer (god forbid he was asked to open a ssh shell).

  • (cs) in reply to JLR
    JLR:
    >> Colt, as it turns out, has an unhealthy obsession with firearms.

    The name didn't give it away?

    My name is Smith & Wesson, you insensitive clod!

  • Qualified Candidate (unregistered)

    Where are jobs like this? Sit on my ass all day, goofing off, doing no real work, and still getting paid?

    Hell, I'll work two jobs like that and even pick up extra shifts on the weekend!

  • SomeCoder (unregistered)

    This sounds like the exact job I want right now. Granted, I wouldn't want to stay there forever, but right now, it sounds nice to have a job where I could just work on my own side projects and get paid for them :)

  • $|i(3_x (unregistered) in reply to KattMan
    KattMan:
    "He then lifted up one of his legs, and put his shoe on the desk, in the middle of the water. He then grabbed his ankle, tugging at it, and said, “good grip in the wet too.” And then he walked away."

    I almost expected this to say something about the ankle holster with his backup piece in it.

    I was expecting Colt to urinate.

  • (cs) 
    arrayOne = "Weekly", "Monthly", "Yearly"
arrayTwo = arrayOne
arrayThree = arrayOne
arrayFour = arrayOne
...

    At least he's on the right track, but still a WTF. I took over an old Access app years ago and revolutionized it with the Select Case statement. Ahh, the agony...

  • (cs)

    Developer purgatory? Dirty work? I didn't get to pay my dues in such a horror.

    On the other hand, going for six months without doing any coding tends to dull the skillset. I'd rather be fresh from the fray.

  • Harrow (unregistered) in reply to dlikhten
    dlikhten:
    ...my first QA job... I spent most of my free time doing my co-workers work because he was too dumb to figure out how to open internet explorer...
    Or, because you were dumb enough to do his work for him.

    -Harrow.

  • (cs)

    Nov-14: Goodbye, cruel world.

  • Leo (unregistered) in reply to snoofle
    snoofle:
    Ok, the group is WTF-Heaven, but does he have job security for life? If so, then who cares... If I didn't have to worry about getting tossed and having to find a real job, I wouldn't mind getting paid to surf and play all day ;)

    Problem is, how you justify to your next employer what you've been doing the last three years?

  • john (unregistered)

    contractors = second class? Not measured by money, or time or freedom to choose the customer, i guess...

    nice article anyway... it reminds me the screenplay of IT crowd series :)

  • Michael Smith (unregistered)

    I think this is the plot for the season opener of "the office" tonight.

  • sakasune (unregistered) in reply to Leo

    You have to embellish. I'm kinda in the same situation as Andrew, and I was looking around for a new job recently. To make this job sound important on the resume I had to really embellish the work I was remotely involved with. For the moment I'm staying here. The pay's good enough and I do get work to do from time to time.

  • (cs)

    *starts a slow clap

  • Eduardo Habkost (unregistered)

    Somehow I am sure The Bank in the story is a Brazilian Government Bank.

  • Cshmoe (unregistered)

    Just another day at any large bank. Bank of Amediocrity, for example.

  • Shinobu (unregistered)

    Wow, they should turn this into a manga, I'm sure it would be absolutely brilliant.

  • Joe (unregistered) in reply to KattMan
    KattMan:
    "He then lifted up one of his legs, and put his shoe on the desk, in the middle of the water. He then grabbed his ankle, tugging at it, and said, “good grip in the wet too.” And then he walked away."

    I almost expected this to say something about the ankle holster with his backup piece in it.

    What's wrong with having a small backup revolver in an ankle holster?

  • AdT (unregistered) in reply to Qualified Candidate
    Qualified Candidate:
    Where are jobs like this? Sit on my ass all day, goofing off, doing no real work, and still getting paid?

    Wouldn't you expect to be paid well if you had to work at a mental asylum?

    arrayOne = "Weekly", "Monthly", "Yearly"
arrayTwo = arrayOne
arrayThree = arrayOne
arrayFour = arrayOne

    rather:

    arrayOne = "Weekly", "Monthly", "Yearly"
arrayTwo = arrayOne
arrayThree = arrayTwo
arrayFour = arrayThree

    because there should be no bias.

    Captcha: craaazy (c'mon Alex, you're tweaking the generator!)

  • brank (unregistered)

    Don was right, desk bounces don't count.

  • Leo (unregistered) in reply to Eduardo Habkost
    Eduardo Habkost:
    Somehow I am sure The Bank in the story is a Brazilian Government Bank.
    I resent that! I almost was a client of CEF ! ;-)
  • (cs)

    This is where the best open-source programmers come from, isn't it? You get paid, it keeps your skill set sharp - just make sure there's no IP clause in your contract.

  • Dmitri (unregistered) in reply to snoofle
    snoofle:
    Ok, the group is WTF-Heaven, but does he have job security for life? If so, then who cares... If I didn't have to worry about getting tossed and having to find a real job, I wouldn't mind getting paid to surf and play all day ;)

    Be careful what you wish for, I had a job like that for a year once. VERY good pay too. I had to leave because I felt my brain getting fat and lazy and I was always exhausted from having to sit there 8 hours and do nothing but surf and chat.

  • (cs) in reply to Dmitri
    Dmitri:
    snoofle:
    Ok, the group is WTF-Heaven, but does he have job security for life? If so, then who cares... If I didn't have to worry about getting tossed and having to find a real job, I wouldn't mind getting paid to surf and play all day ;)

    Be careful what you wish for, I had a job like that for a year once. VERY good pay too. I had to leave because I felt my brain getting fat and lazy and I was always exhausted from having to sit there 8 hours and do nothing but surf and chat.

    Not to mention demoralizing. Knowing that if anyone questioned your usefulness there was no way you could ever justify you staying in that position for any amount of money. Being bottom of the barrel in a fish market means you simply rot away and you just smell really bad in the process.
  • (cs) in reply to Leo
    Leo:
    snoofle:
    Ok, the group is WTF-Heaven, but does he have job security for life? If so, then who cares... If I didn't have to worry about getting tossed and having to find a real job, I wouldn't mind getting paid to surf and play all day ;)

    Problem is, how you justify to your next employer what you've been doing the last three years?

    Easy.

    TCB - Takin' care of business.

  • Franz Kafka (unregistered) in reply to KattMan
    KattMan:
    Vechni:
    "It is her mission, apparently, to run out into the middle of an open area and get shot down so her teammates could spot the enemy."

    WTF

    Misogyny at it's finest.

    Or she shoots as well as she DBAs. May as well use her as bait.

  • stoneyowl (unregistered) in reply to Dmitri

    Exactly. Doing nothing all day, for days on end can be very difficult. Particularly if you manager's office is just across the hall....

  • Anon (unregistered) in reply to Franz Kafka
    Franz Kafka:
    KattMan:
    Vechni:
    "It is her mission, apparently, to run out into the middle of an open area and get shot down so her teammates could spot the enemy."

    WTF

    Misogyny at it's finest.

    Or she shoots as well as she DBAs. May as well use her as bait.

    Reread the story. Diane is the "repo" database developer.

    April is the Pokemon girl. She doesn't actually have anything she works on described in the story. She just sort of exists.

  • :) (unregistered)

    lol! I wish I could keep on reading more entries!

  • (cs) in reply to Anon
    Anon:
    Franz Kafka:
    KattMan:
    Vechni:
    "It is her mission, apparently, to run out into the middle of an open area and get shot down so her teammates could spot the enemy."

    WTF

    Misogyny at it's finest.

    Or she shoots as well as she DBAs. May as well use her as bait.

    Reread the story. Diane is the "repo" database developer.

    April is the Pokemon girl. She doesn't actually have anything she works on described in the story. She just sort of exists.

    Actually this sounds good.

    Gamer girl. Talks to you. Works with you. Is she hot?

  • Link (unregistered)

    This reads like a Douglas Copeland novel.

  • DavidN (unregistered)

    I had a job like this one summer - it was advertised as "helping out writing a new online course management system" or something of the like, but I was given nothing to do for the first week (and one day of that was spent going bowling, as I'd happened to join them just before their Away Day). After that they did find me some dull data entry, but that was over with in about a fortnight.

    So my job during that summer consisted of coming into the office with a pendrive and happily writing music, occasionally being tapped on the shoulder and being asked to enter someone's details in the database. For a student, it was pretty fantastic.

  • (cs) in reply to KattMan
    KattMan:
    Actually this sounds good.

    Gamer girl. Talks to you. Works with you. Is she hot?

    Many of us gamer girls actually are quite hot. :)

    -- Seejay

  • Stone (unregistered) in reply to KattMan
    KattMan:
    Anon:
    Reread the story. Diane is the "repo" database developer.

    April is the Pokemon girl. She doesn't actually have anything she works on described in the story. She just sort of exists.

    Actually this sounds good.

    Gamer girl. Talks to you. Works with you. Is she hot?

    Is that a rhetorical question? It's like finding a perpetual motion machine and asking if it works.

  • iMalc (unregistered) in reply to KattMan
    KattMan:
    Anon:
    Franz Kafka:
    KattMan:
    Vechni:
    "It is her mission, apparently, to run out into the middle of an open area and get shot down so her teammates could spot the enemy."

    WTF

    Misogyny at it's finest.

    Or she shoots as well as she DBAs. May as well use her as bait.

    Reread the story. Diane is the "repo" database developer.

    April is the Pokemon girl. She doesn't actually have anything she works on described in the story. She just sort of exists.

    Actually this sounds good.

    Gamer girl. Talks to you. Works with you. Is she hot?

    She plays UT, she's bound to be hot!

  • Sitten Spynne (unregistered) in reply to KattMan
    KattMan:

    Actually this sounds good.

    Gamer girl. Talks to you. Works with you. Is she hot?

    Ever heard of "three strikes and you're out"?

  • Bejesus (unregistered) in reply to iMalc
    iMalc:
    KattMan:
    Actually this sounds good.

    Gamer girl. Talks to you. Works with you. Is she hot?

    She plays UT, she's bound to be a 42 year old balding overweight man with a personal hygiene problem who still lives with his mother!

    Fixed.

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