• Testsubj (unregistered) in reply to nerfherder

    is that what the kids are calling it these days?

  • Jay (unregistered)

    This story reminds me of something very similar that happened to me once.

    A user called to complain that he couldn't type the word "book" because his keyboard only had one "o". So I tried to download a new USB cable to him over FTP. I prefer to use FTP rather than Unicode because I once dated a girl named "Wendy". But then the plumber told me that he couldn't find anything wrong with the piano. So I concluded that it was just too early to take a wait-and-see approach.

  • (cs)

    So was he fired? I mean, if HE was the idiot who sent a package labeled DO NOT SEND THIS EVER then he should be fired... right?

    Since this is the Daily WTF, let me write a creative ending:

    The next day, management let an intern go, stating that he had been the one who sent The SMS Package. John breathed a sigh of relief, and chuckled to himself. The data he planted in the intern's cubicle was enough to get him off the hook and blame the hapless intern. Oh, how he relished the poor kid's sobbing cries as security escorted him from the building. Perhaps John would take that pack of gum he had been eying in the intern's cube - after all, there was no intern to stop him now.

    Several years later, John was promoted to management, and the intern he framed was forever blacklisted in the industry. John hears that he's working at McDonalds now, and chuckles evily to himself every time he thinks back to that day, now so long ago, when HE was almost fired for sending a package marked DO NOT SEND EVER, only to turn fate on its head.

    THE END.

  • (cs)

    t'is a sad day on TDWTF when the comments are more entertaining (and less confusing) than the submissions.

  • (cs) in reply to Jay
    Jay:
    This story reminds me of something very similar that happened to me once.

    A user called to complain that he couldn't type the word "book" because his keyboard only had one "o". So I tried to download a new USB cable to him over FTP. I prefer to use FTP rather than Unicode because I once dated a girl named "Wendy". But then the plumber told me that he couldn't find anything wrong with the piano. So I concluded that it was just too early to take a wait-and-see approach.

    Yes, we've all been there.

  • Zach Bora (unregistered)

    This reminds me of that time I released an update that contained a reference to a Windows XP and UP (Windows Fax) to a network of Win2k and WinXP...

  • Ringed Fingers (unregistered) in reply to Anon

    Some of us leave the middle finger on the scroll wheel/open new tab in firefox button and the ring finger on the right button. Back in the days of 2 button mice yeah I'd agree, the ring finger had no function.

  • morry (unregistered)

    how about some of you complainers submit some of your own WTFs then? hmmm?

  • Grandpa Simpson (unregistered) in reply to Jay
    Jay:
    This story reminds me of something very similar that happened to me once.

    A user called to complain that he couldn't type the word "book" because his keyboard only had one "o". So I tried to download a new USB cable to him over FTP. I prefer to use FTP rather than Unicode because I once dated a girl named "Wendy". But then the plumber told me that he couldn't find anything wrong with the piano. So I concluded that it was just too early to take a wait-and-see approach.

    That reminds me... “We can’t bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell them stories that don’t go anywhere. Like that time I took the ferry over to Shelbyville; I needed a new heel for my shoe. So, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. ‘Give me five bees for a quarter,’ you’d say. Now where were we? Oh yeah, the important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have any white onions, because of the war; the only thing you can get was those big yellow ones.”

  • Anon (unregistered) in reply to Ringed Fingers
    Ringed Fingers:
    Some of us leave the middle finger on the scroll wheel/open new tab in firefox button and the ring finger on the right button. Back in the days of 2 button mice yeah I'd agree, the ring finger had no function.

    You must have either a very wide mouse or very skinny fingers. I just have my index finger double for scroll duty. It's very rare that I need to both scroll and left-click at the same time.

  • whatever (unregistered) in reply to morry
    morry:
    how about some of you complainers submit some of your own WTFs then? hmmm?

    But... that is not the commenter's job! The commenter's job is to complain and whine and post inane stuff like "FIST!" and cat story.txt | sed s/{wtf subject}/comment/g

  • (cs) in reply to Anon
    Anon:
    Ringed Fingers:
    Some of us leave the middle finger on the scroll wheel/open new tab in firefox button and the ring finger on the right button. Back in the days of 2 button mice yeah I'd agree, the ring finger had no function.

    You must have either a very wide mouse or very skinny fingers. I just have my index finger double for scroll duty. It's very rare that I need to both scroll and left-click at the same time.

    And you're all forgetting the massive 3-button mice that were in fashion at some companies "back in the day" ! With one of them, your ring finger would indeed be poised over the right-click button.

  • Dubble On Ton Drur (unregistered) in reply to Carlos M92
    Carlos M92:
    his finger slipped when a hot girl passed by his desk?

    that sounds like the beginning of the kind of story that doesn't belong on TDWTF

    "as i walked past his desk, i suddenly felt something penetrate me, and then a voice said, 'whoops, my finger appears to have slipped'"

  • Anonymouse (unregistered) in reply to JamesQMurphy

    Punch boss in the nose to establish dominance.

  • (cs) in reply to IrishlyRucked
    IrishlyRucked:
    There's a bit near the end that seems to be missing.
    Nonsense. You said yourself, it's right there near the end.
  • Pleo (unregistered) in reply to Jay
    A user called to complain that he couldn't type the word "book" because his keyboard only had one "o". So I tried to download a new USB cable to him over FTP. I prefer to use FTP rather than Unicode because I once dated a girl named "Wendy". But then the plumber told me that he couldn't find anything wrong with the piano. So I concluded that it was just too early to take a wait-and-see approach.

    FTW!

  • Pedantic (unregistered) in reply to Jay
    Jay:
    This story reminds me of something very similar that happened to me once.

    A user called to complain that he couldn't type the word "book" because his keyboard only had one "o". So I tried to download a new USB cable to him over FTP. I prefer to use FTP rather than Unicode because I once dated a girl named "Wendy". But then the plumber told me that he couldn't find anything wrong with the piano. So I concluded that it was just too early to take a wait-and-see approach.

    I just lulzed all over myself. Epic!

  • Neil (unregistered)

    I think the Daily WTF staff decided to reenact the story by submitting this half-written draft.

  • Nobody (unregistered)

    This is like a WTF on acid or perhaps the result of feeding all the previous WTFs through a Markov Chain text generator.

  • Neil (unregistered) in reply to morry
    morry:
    how about some of you complainers submit some of your own WTFs then? hmmm?
    Maybe because we don't want them to get messed up beyond understandability?
  • (cs)

    The Cycle of the Package (borrowed from a different comment for a different WTF):

    Buyit(); useit(); breakit(); fixit(); Trashit(); changeit(); mail_upgradeit(); Chargeit(); pointit(); zoomit(); pressit(); Snapit(); workit(); quick_eraseit(); Writeit(); cutit(); pasteit(); saveit(); Loadit(); checkit(); quick_rewriteit(); Plugit(); playit(); burnit(); ripit(); Draganddropit(); zip_unzipit(); Lockit(); fillit(); callit(); findit(); Viewit(); codeit(); jam_unlockit(); Surfit(); scrollit(); pauseit(); clickit(); Crossit(); crackit(); switch_updateit(); Nameit(); rateit(); tuneit(); printit(); Scanit(); sendit(); fax_renameit(); Touchit(); bringit(); Payit(); watchit, Turnit(); leaveit(); start_formatit();

  • All-Beef Patty (unregistered) in reply to akatherder
    akatherder:
    Here's my summary of the story. Please fill in gaps that I might have missed.

    This guy worked tech support at a crappy job in a crappy building with crappy co-workers. One day he deployed some patches (over 56k since details are suddenly important). He came in the next day and a bunch of stuff was broken. He was convinced that he broke stuff so then he thought the job, building, and co-workers were cool now. Eventually it came to light that someone deployed a package that said "Do not deploy" this. It was a technician.

    No quack.

  • Anonymous Coward (unregistered) in reply to tezoatlipoca
    tezoatlipoca:
    t'is a sad day on TDWTF when the comments are more entertaining (and less confusing) than the submissions.

    Damn...now you got me going all nostalgic about MFD. God those were funny comments...

  • Cadet Stimpy (unregistered) in reply to Zapp Brannigan
    Oh, how long can trusty Cadet Stimpy hold out? How can he possibly resist the diabolical urge to push the button that could erase his very existence? Will his tortured mind give in to its uncontrollable desires? (Announcer grabs Stimpy, forces him closer to the button.) Can he resist the temptation to push the button that, even now, beckons him even closer? Will he succumb to the maddening urge to eradicate history? At the MERE...PUSH...of a SINGLE...BUTTON! The beeyootiful SHINY button! The jolly CANDY-LIKE button! Will he hold out, folks? CAN he hold out?

    NO I CAN'T!!!!

  • Leo (unregistered) in reply to Isaac Eiland-Hall
    Isaac Eiland-Hall:
    So I've, for many years now, had a vision of some poor lady going to Office Depot and asking for double-sided paper... I *still* feel guilty.

    If she was stupid enough to believe that, then she deserves to waste her time going to Office Depot.

  • Anonymous (unregistered)

    Unfortunately, there was an SMS sent which corrupted today's DailyWTF overwriting many of the relevant details of the story with details unrelated to the narrative.

  • (cs)
    just another year and a half and I'll be done with my computer science degree

    hahahahaha!

    You're in for a nasty surprise buddy...

  • (cs)
    And naturally, the next words to come out of a someone's mouth after "don't tase me, bro" are probably going to be "Aaowwwgh!"

    Was eating lunch while reading this, now I have to clean my monitor.

  • (cs) in reply to aggle-rithm
    aggle-rithm:
    Protector one:
    So the protagonist is the messer-upper? That's... unusual! The WTF-story template always has the intelligent protagonist be an observer! And how did poor old John manage to mistakenly push SkyNet to all systems?

    Here's what happened:

    1. The SMS package I sent did not go through for some reason.
    2. The customer called back on second shift and said he hadn't received it yet.
    3. The second shift person sent the wrong package, and to the wrong destination -- everybody, rather than the customer who had called.
    4. Every system that was incompatible with the package (over half of them, if I remember correctly) was brought to its knees, requiring a very lengthy rebuild.
    5. I didn't see the offending package myself, but was told it was marked "DO NOT SEND THIS PACKAGE..."
    6. Despite losing the company a multi-million dollar contract, he was not fired. It was considered a training issue.

    Wow. While a decent screw up, that's a terrible WTF story. Yet the WTF Team managed to make it so much more terrible. I'm impressed all around.

  • Erik (unregistered)

    Lame story.

  • (cs)
    aggle-rithm:
    RBoy:
    The real WTF was that I read the whole article....

    I was halfway through it before I realized it was a story I had submitted.

    And that, folks, is TRWTF.
  • Rena (unregistered)
    Microsoft SMS, not the other kind of SMS
    I was wondering what a Sega Master System had to do with Windows updates.
  • (cs) in reply to Jay
    Jay:
    Isaac Eiland-Hall:
    One call, a lady asked me how to print on both sides of the paper.

    What I intended to answer was, "Well, ma'am, first you have to get double-sided paper.

    Aisle 1: Double-sided paper

    Aisle 2: Moebius paper

    In an effort to destroy all possible humor by over-analyzing: photo and presentation paper are often "one-sided" in the sense that only one side has the coating or texture and thus only that side is intended to be suitable for printing. And of course if you're talking label stock, that's always "one-sided".

    In another sense, I think the New York Times is a very one-sided paper.

    Now, that's what I call tech support. I've been reading the same issue of the Times for the last goddamn fifteen years.

    I wouldn't mind, but after the first ten minutes or so, it got kind of boring and repetitive. There's only so much enthusiasm I can summon up for a never-ending article entitled "In Tashkent, Silk Means Worms." (cont. page 8, although for some reason I never got to read the edifying conclusion.) And now I realise I could have saved fifteen years (minus ten minutes) of heartache by purchasing the goddamn thing from Aisle 1 rather than Aisle 2...

    What is it with these stupid headlines in "national" American papers, anyway? I mean, nobody has spoken like that since Alexander Hamilton volunteered to play scissors, paper, rock with Aaron Burr. (Tragedy ensued.)

    You need to look at the Op-Ed page, my good man, where some git who thinks he's a left-winger takes an unsustainably ignorant but diametrically opposed position to the unsustainable stupid opinion of some other git who thinks he's a right-winger.

    I think I have that right. Either way; hardly one-sided.

  • (cs) in reply to Anon
    Anon:
    Ringed Fingers:
    Some of us leave the middle finger on the scroll wheel/open new tab in firefox button and the ring finger on the right button. Back in the days of 2 button mice yeah I'd agree, the ring finger had no function.

    You must have either a very wide mouse or very skinny fingers. I just have my index finger double for scroll duty. It's very rare that I need to both scroll and left-click at the same time.

    Pictures, or I call shenanigans!

    Oh wait. I've just found this highly instructive web-site ... goodness me. With a conger eel?

  • (cs) in reply to aggle-rithm
    aggle-rithm:
    Here's what happened:
    1. The SMS package I sent did not go through for some reason.
    2. The customer called back on second shift and said he hadn't received it yet.
    3. The second shift person sent the wrong package, and to the wrong destination -- everybody, rather than the customer who had called.
    4. Every system that was incompatible with the package (over half of them, if I remember correctly) was brought to its knees, requiring a very lengthy rebuild.
    5. I didn't see the offending package myself, but was told it was marked "DO NOT SEND THIS PACKAGE..."
    6. Despite losing the company a multi-million dollar contract, he was not fired. It was considered a training issue.

    I wonder if some of this information would have helped the presentation at all.

    I mean, I realize that the fact that they were transferring over 56K and John wanted to spend some time cowering in the corner of the conference room are important facts, and that a second tech sent the package after hours to the whole network is just fluff, but I think it could have made the story more engaging.

  • SomeCoder (unregistered) in reply to Grandpa Simpson
    Grandpa Simpson:
    Jay:
    This story reminds me of something very similar that happened to me once.

    A user called to complain that he couldn't type the word "book" because his keyboard only had one "o". So I tried to download a new USB cable to him over FTP. I prefer to use FTP rather than Unicode because I once dated a girl named "Wendy". But then the plumber told me that he couldn't find anything wrong with the piano. So I concluded that it was just too early to take a wait-and-see approach.

    That reminds me... “We can’t bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell them stories that don’t go anywhere. Like that time I took the ferry over to Shelbyville; I needed a new heel for my shoe. So, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. ‘Give me five bees for a quarter,’ you’d say. Now where were we? Oh yeah, the important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have any white onions, because of the war; the only thing you can get was those big yellow ones.”

    LOL

  • JL (unregistered) in reply to aggle-rithm
    aggle-rithm:
    Here's what happened:
    1. The SMS package I sent did not go through for some reason.
    2. The customer called back on second shift and said he hadn't received it yet.
    3. The second shift person sent the wrong package, and to the wrong destination -- everybody, rather than the customer who had called.
    4. Every system that was incompatible with the package (over half of them, if I remember correctly) was brought to its knees, requiring a very lengthy rebuild.
    5. I didn't see the offending package myself, but was told it was marked "DO NOT SEND THIS PACKAGE..."
    6. Despite losing the company a multi-million dollar contract, he was not fired. It was considered a training issue.
    Looks like Jake only used points 4 and 5... A pity, since the story is kind of pointless without the rest. I assume from your reaction that the office decoration ponderings and morning-after anxiety were fabricated for comedic effect.
  • nonny mouse (unregistered) in reply to nerfherder
    nerfherder:
    So in your version did Jessica push the SMS package?

    Oh no. She pushed something entirely different.

  • unshift (unregistered)

    I think one of the TDWTF technicians deployed this article even though it was marked "DO NOT POST"

  • m (unregistered)

    Can we try to keep the writing just a LITTLE less florid, and stick to the plot? Yes, we know you're an IMPORTANT WRITER with the MAD WRITER SKILLZ that need using every 24 hours, lest you explode...

  • nobody (unregistered) in reply to aggle-rithm
    aggle-rithm:
    Protector one:
    So the protagonist is the messer-upper? That's... unusual! The WTF-story template always has the intelligent protagonist be an observer! And how did poor old John manage to mistakenly push SkyNet to all systems?

    Here's what happened:

    1. The SMS package I sent did not go through for some reason.
    2. The customer called back on second shift and said he hadn't received it yet.
    3. The second shift person sent the wrong package, and to the wrong destination -- everybody, rather than the customer who had called.
    4. Every system that was incompatible with the package (over half of them, if I remember correctly) was brought to its knees, requiring a very lengthy rebuild.
    5. I didn't see the offending package myself, but was told it was marked "DO NOT SEND THIS PACKAGE..."
    6. Despite losing the company a multi-million dollar contract, he was not fired. It was considered a training issue.

    perhaps Jake should have read your submission

  • resa (unregistered)

    Huh?

  • (cs) in reply to IrishlyRucked
    IrishlyRucked:
    There's a bit near the end that seems to be missing.

    Then surely, there IS no bit?

  • JG (unregistered) in reply to Zapp Brannigan

    Official Request to Replace Story End With This One

  • crown royal (unregistered)

    click

    Ok. I wrote click, now what?

    captcha: minim(um) of brains.

  • crown royal (unregistered)

    ............................................................click

    Ok, I right clicked.

    Now what?

  • JG (unregistered) in reply to Isaac Eiland-Hall
    Isaac Eiland-Hall:
    ...

    Well, maybe this will help. Back in 1996, I worked for a now-defunct tech support outsourcing company in Dallas called Stream, International. I feel safe after well more than a decade saying that I supported HP DeskJet printers...

    One call, a lady asked me how to print on both sides of the paper.

    What I intended to answer was, "Well, ma'am, first you have to get double-sided paper. But seriously, you click on...." -- that was my intent. But before I could "But seriously", she said, "Ah, thanks!" and hung up on me.

    ...

    If I'd had it in my power to find out her number and call her back and apologize for a silly joke, I would have, but I was powerless. So I've, for many years now, had a vision of some poor lady going to Office Depot and asking for double-sided paper... I still feel guilty.

    The moral of the story? Don't hang up on people.

  • theFarseeker (unregistered) in reply to EvanED
    EvanED:
    aggle-rithm:
    Here's what happened:
    1. The SMS package I sent did not go through for some reason.
    2. The customer called back on second shift and said he hadn't received it yet.
    3. The second shift person sent the wrong package, and to the wrong destination -- everybody, rather than the customer who had called.
    4. Every system that was incompatible with the package (over half of them, if I remember correctly) was brought to its knees, requiring a very lengthy rebuild.
    5. I didn't see the offending package myself, but was told it was marked "DO NOT SEND THIS PACKAGE..."
    6. Despite losing the company a multi-million dollar contract, he was not fired. It was considered a training issue.

    I wonder if some of this information would have helped the presentation at all.

    I mean, I realize that the fact that they were transferring over 56K and John wanted to spend some time cowering in the corner of the conference room are important facts, and that a second tech sent the package after hours to the whole network is just fluff, but I think it could have made the story more engaging.

    Well, about 10 years ago I worked at an office that sounds very similar to the one in question in the story (only in Australia) - if he pushed out a 300mb package to the entire network (which someone there did once), and lets say that there's 30 remote sites, then you're going to chew up the bandwidth of 30 remote sites for hours while the 300mb package is deployed (in our case it was a licensed product that was deployed to over 900 PCs, and they sure has hell didn't have 900 licenses for it and they had to be removed one by one).

    Sure, it's not mentioned whether or not this is relevant to the story, but I think that topic has been covered enough!

  • riffraff (unregistered)

    The story is much more entertaining if you try using Google translator, translate it into Turkish, and then translate it back to English. It even includes better expletives after the double translation.

    The last line becomes something that sounds very deep:

    "Why go there instead of one package to John, I want to encourage must be fate technician said that can not understand is not deleted."

  • (cs) in reply to theFarseeker
    theFarseeker:
    EvanED:
    aggle-rithm:
    Here's what happened:<snip: see above/>

    I wonder if some of this information would have helped the presentation at all.

    I mean, I realize that the fact that they were transferring over 56K and John wanted to spend some time cowering in the corner of the conference room are important facts, and that a second tech sent the package after hours to the whole network is just fluff, but I think it could have made the story more engaging.

    Well, about 10 years ago I worked at an office that sounds very similar to the one in question in the story (only in Australia) - if he pushed out a 300mb package to the entire network (which someone there did once), and lets say that there's 30 remote sites, then you're going to chew up the bandwidth of 30 remote sites for hours while the 300mb package is deployed (in our case it was a licensed product that was deployed to over 900 PCs, and they sure has hell didn't have 900 licenses for it and they had to be removed one by one).

    Sure, it's not mentioned whether or not this is relevant to the story, but I think that topic has been covered enough!

    Without a time machine and painstaking forensic analysis, it's a bit difficult to work out whether this is or is not relevant to the story, isn't it?

    But while we're on the topic, you're from Australia. Does "kangaroo" really mean one who hops towards water? Informed minds need to know.

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