The Daily WTF: Curious Perversions in Information Technology

2011-12-20 Reply Admin

Back in the pizza-filled team-room, everyone looked at Sally. She was wearing nothing but her panties and two pepperonis.

FTFY. After all if you're going to keep people working all night, you have to expect them to have a little fun now and then.

2011-12-20 Reply Admin

Zylon:
Your Name:
I test my apartment's smoke alarm, whether I want to or not, about once per week by frying bacon in my kitchen.
Fool! Baked bacon is infinitely better.

This is an argument I have with my wife constantly. Luckily, for the smoke detector's purposes it's immaterial: that thing will also wail for baced bakon as soon as you open the oven and a cloud of bacon-scented goodness comes out. We routinely call it the "bacon detector".

The real downside is that sometimes we get sick of pressing the "stop beeping, dammit" button and instead take the thing down from the ceiling, and then don't remember to put it back for weeks.

2011-12-20 Reply Admin

misogyny:
TRWTF is that Sally wasn't in the kitchen or bedroom, right?

[image]

2011-12-20 Reply Admin

All you geeks joking about tangents, sines and cosines really need to get more secs.

Coyne · 2011-12-20 Reply Admin

I wasn't physically present, but I heard second hand the story of testing a fire alarm system here at our very own data center.

When the alarm goes off, the power is automatically cut to all systems. So, when testing, there is a certain key switch that must be switched to the test position to ensure that the power stays on. Procedure requires the data center manager to change the setting--and for someone else from the operations group to verify that the key switch is in the correct position--both before testing starts and after testing is completed.

One day, the third party fire alarm tester-person decided he didn't want to wait for the manager and someone else to show up. He triggered the alarm.

I heard it was quite shocking, after the alarm cut off (he just tested it for a second) to find oneself in a completely silent data center: No computers, no monitors, no air conditioning...no computing.

The policy has been reinforced: Now the fire tester is held at the front desk until the manager comes to get him. And the specific fire-tester-person that caused the incident is permanently barred from our site.

2011-12-20 Reply Admin

snoofle:
Isn't testing a canister-fueled suppression system without the canister kind of like testing a backup system without the tape? The procedure may look like it passed, but how do you really know?
I am going to propose that in order to reduce risk, from this point forward all [fire] drills be done by setting actual [fires].

Halfway through, that's about what I expected...

2011-12-20 Reply Admin

Zylon:
"John grabbed another slice of pizza and took a moment to review the project status and gather his thoughts. The project plan was buried unter a pile of empty pizza boxes and laptops. The room stunk of caged programmers, grease, and deadlines. At least it wouldn't be too much longer, now. John finished his slice and got back to work."
Hey Remy, I fixed this for you:

"John grabbed another slice of pizza and took a moment to review the pizza status and gather his pizza. The pizza plan was buried unter a pile of empty pizza boxes and pizza crusts. The room stunk of caged programmers, geese, and breadsticks. At least there wouldn't be any more pizza much longer, now. John pizzad his pizza and pizza back to pizzaing pizza."

FTFY

2011-12-20 Reply Admin

ObiWayneKenobi:
The real issue is spineless developers who put in hours for death-marches instead of saying "No, I don't care how much you cry like a spoiled kid, this isn't being done in a week".
Seriously, why do most managers act like spoiled children and expect to point and scream and say "Mommy I want that now! now now now" and get it?

Perhaps because increasingly our society seems to think there is a class distinction between Managers and Developers. A managers role is different to a devs, and in some respect the manager is higher on the food chain - this means that many devs think challenging the manager might be a little career-limiting....

2011-12-20 Reply Admin

Melvis:
"The project plan was buried unter a pile of empty pizza boxes and laptops."
Unter? German flashback.

Der Projektplan wurde begraben Unter einem Stapel von leeren Pizza-Kartons und Laptops.

(Google translated that - my German is less than rusty)

I suspect Google hasn't got a good grasp of German word order.

2011-12-20 Reply Admin

lettucemode:
This story reminds me of my work environment. Testers/technicians making dumb mistakes, not following every instruction to a T, or just throwing up their hands and quitting when they see something off led to my company requiring that a qualified engineer be present throughout the entire test procedure. Mainly my job during this time is to answer trivial questions to keep things moving along.

Instructions are for Wusses - as is testing....

2011-12-20 Reply Admin

Your Name:
operagost:
Tim:
snoofle:
Isn't testing a canister-fueled suppression system without the canister kind of like testing a backup system without the tape? The procedure may look like it passed, but how do you really know?
I am going to propose that in order to reduce risk, from this point forward all [fire] drills be done by setting actual [fires].
exactly - I never met a computer guy who was content to press the 'test' button on a smoke alarm. Despite what the instructions say, The only way to test a smoke alarm is to hold a match underneath it

I do, because I know that ionizing detectors have a life span of about 10 years, at which point they will no longer detect any particles but will pass a button test (which only tests the sounding device and battery, from what I can tell).

I test my apartment's smoke alarm, whether I want to or not, about once per week by frying bacon in my kitchen.

You owe me 1 x Keyboard - unless you know how to get coffee out....

2011-12-20 Reply Admin

Your Name:
Zylon:
Your Name:
I test my apartment's smoke alarm, whether I want to or not, about once per week by frying bacon in my kitchen.
Fool! Baked bacon is infinitely better.
This is an argument I have with my wife constantly. Luckily, for the smoke detector's purposes it's immaterial: that thing will also wail for baced bakon as soon as you open the oven and a cloud of bacon-scented goodness comes out. We routinely call it the "bacon detector".
The real downside is that sometimes we get sick of pressing the "stop beeping, dammit" button and instead take the thing down from the ceiling, and then don't remember to put it back for weeks.

Fan it with pizza boxes (we can't reach the damn button) - or a tea-towel....

2011-12-20 Reply Admin

Tom:
Not to go off on a tangent, but what's an "off-sine" data center?

I suppose sine refers to a sine-wave, and in this particular case the sine-wave that describes the voltage you get from utility-power. In other words an off-sine data center is a data center without access to AC power.

2011-12-20 Reply Admin

Testing is all fine provided you think about what you're testing. When our building tests the fire alarm, they're interested in whether we can hear the alert - I don't think they really care whether the detectors actually work...

Nagesh · 2011-12-20 Reply Admin

Jo:
Testing is all fine provided you think about what you're testing. When our building tests the fire alarm, they're interested in whether we can hear the alert - I don't think they really care whether the detectors actually work...

That is silly. What make the alarm go "beep beep beep clang clang clang beep beep beep clang clang clang beep beep beep clang clang clang beep beep beep clang clang clang beep beep beep clang clang clang"?

The smoke detector is my guess.

2011-12-20 Reply Admin

Nagesh:
Jo:
Testing is all fine provided you think about what you're testing. When our building tests the fire alarm, they're interested in whether we can hear the alert - I don't think they really care whether the detectors actually work...

That is silly. What make the alarm go "beep beep beep clang clang clang beep beep beep clang clang clang beep beep beep clang clang clang beep beep beep clang clang clang beep beep beep clang clang clang"?

The smoke detector is my guess.

That may well be true, but as I say there are normally specific requirements of what you are testing.

Are you testing to see that the alarm is activated correctly, or that should it activate people can hear it. If you want to test that it activates correctly, then you need some smoke/heat source (depending what triggers it), if you want to test that it is audible in all areas, then you need it triggered - how is irrelevant.

Ours actually starts off "Whoop Whoop...Warning...Whoop Whoop" and then progresses to "Wheeeeeeee.....Evacuate the Building.....Wheeeeee"

Zylon · 2011-12-20 Reply Admin

Your Name:
This is an argument I have with my wife constantly. Luckily, for the smoke detector's purposes it's immaterial: that thing will also wail for baced bakon as soon as you open the oven and a cloud of bacon-scented goodness comes out. We routinely call it the "bacon detector".

Here's a crazy idea-- stop burning your damn bacon. If it's smoking, you're doing it wrong.

2011-12-20 Reply Admin

John:
ObiWayneKenobi:
The real issue is spineless developers who put in hours for death-marches instead of saying "No, I don't care how much you cry like a spoiled kid, this isn't being done in a week".
Seriously, why do most managers act like spoiled children and expect to point and scream and say "Mommy I want that now! now now now" and get it?
Perhaps because increasingly our society seems to think there is a class distinction between Managers and Developers. A managers role is different to a devs, and in some respect the manager is higher on the food chain - this means that many devs think challenging the manager might be a little career-limiting....

Based on my experience, the productivity of a developer is inversely proportional to the number of hours per week they work after you go past a certain number. As a manager you should try to figure out what that number is and keep your workload right there to maximize productivity. However, we live in a society of more is better, so managers generally manage by a philosophy of more is better.

2011-12-20 Reply Admin

Jaded Young Dev:
Based on my experience, the productivity of a developer is inversely proportional to the number of hours per week they work after you go past a certain number.

More than that, productivity goes negative beyond a certain point. From my experience, you might well have solved your original problem by 3am, but you've unwittingly introduced at least two new ones to keep you busy tomorrow as well.

PiisAWheeL · 2011-12-20 Reply Admin

Zylon:
Your Name:
This is an argument I have with my wife constantly. Luckily, for the smoke detector's purposes it's immaterial: that thing will also wail for baced bakon as soon as you open the oven and a cloud of bacon-scented goodness comes out. We routinely call it the "bacon detector".
Here's a crazy idea-- stop burning your damn bacon. If it's smoking, you're doing it wrong.

Thats 1 of the beauties of bacon. It is cooked to preference. If you like black strips of smoldering meat by all means, I say you should just tape a bowl over the smoke detector or pop the battery out beforehand. (Taping a bowl over it would be better for a detector you cant tamper with ie work.)

herby · 2011-12-20 Reply Admin

I can only guess that the management followed to simple rule: Pizza in, Code out, Quality immaterial.

As for fire alarms: In one place I worked, they went around testing the thing. Since the "test" buttons were hard to reach, the smoke detector units had a hidden magnetic reed switch. The tester put a magnet in the right place to test. When the alarm was tripped, it lit up something back at alarm central (I guess). After I saw that I was thinking of getting my own magnet on a stick to see if it really called the fire department.

I'll leave it as an exercise to the reader if the smoke detectors in their cubicle farm have similar functions.

2011-12-20 Reply Admin

At least there is Pizza.

TWTF is the manager not getting beer as well. Might as well pull a hail marry and ride the balmer curve if you are going to force everyone to get this project done a week before go live.

Matt Westwood · 2011-12-20 Reply Admin

Mr Clever Ideas:
Silfax:
Tom:
Not to go off on a tangent, but what's an "off-sine" data center?

One that runs on DC power???

Or is going through an unusual phase?

No, it's one that isn't always going up and down like the servers, internet lines and supposedly-99.99%-available applications that festoonerise the office where I've just had the extreme good fortune today to have been on the team that has been stood down, and I now get to work on something better instead.

Matt Westwood · 2011-12-20 Reply Admin

PiisAWheeL:
Zylon:
Your Name:
This is an argument I have with my wife constantly. Luckily, for the smoke detector's purposes it's immaterial: that thing will also wail for baced bakon as soon as you open the oven and a cloud of bacon-scented goodness comes out. We routinely call it the "bacon detector".
Here's a crazy idea-- stop burning your damn bacon. If it's smoking, you're doing it wrong.

Thats 1 of the beauties of bacon. It is cooked to preference. If you like black strips of smoldering meat by all means, I say you should just tape a bowl over the smoke detector or pop the battery out beforehand. (Taping a bowl over it would be better for a detector you cant tamper with ie work.)

Bacon's fine, but I can't grill my burgers without setting the damn things off. Popping out the battery is the quickest and easiest solution. Can always rely on my wife to nag me to put them back before we go to bed. Mmm. Bed.

Matt Westwood · 2011-12-20 Reply Admin

Bob:
You only get paid a bit more than a late shift shelf packer.
If you changed job, it would be a little less money, but at least you'd have the day free.

When are you getting a chance to spend it?

This sort of story always worries me, these are supposed to the clever people.

If you're at the stage in life where your highest priority is to make money as quickly as possible, reducing your opportunities to spend it should count as a step forward.

2011-12-20 Reply Admin

derobert:
There are actually safe ways to fully test smoke detectors (test smoke in a can). No actual fires involved.

Or just take a shower. Steam sets them off too.

2011-12-20 Reply Admin

Tom:
Not to go off on a tangent, but what's an "off-sine" data center?

One that is slightly squarewave, I guess.

DaveK · 2011-12-20 Reply Admin

Gunslinger:
derobert:
There are actually safe ways to fully test smoke detectors (test smoke in a can). No actual fires involved.
Or just take a shower. Steam sets them off too.

Or deodorant aerosols, in extreme cases.

2011-12-20 Reply Admin

... are you sure it wasn't intentional? Don't unterestimate the mischief a drone can cause if they wake up on the wrong sine of the bed.

2011-12-20 Reply Admin

The two incorrect letters should both be Ds:

"buried under a pile" "was the off-side data-center"

Heard about a national bank where last week they had the whole call center out in the parking lot for 25 minutes due to someone toasting a piece of bread at their desk. Apparently didn't switch to backup (off-sine?) site so phones just ringing. And ringing.

Exaton · 2011-12-20 Reply Admin

My name:
TRWTF:
TRWTF is "Tribal Knowledge"
Then you have not synergized your paradigm with the best-practices, value-added matrix of agile leadership principles to maximize the voice of the customer in your process-oriented approach.

Fantastic. Seriously thinking of putting that in the middle of the illegible disclaimer in the ol' corporate e-mail sig, and seeing how long it takes anyone to notice (or, for the job offers to start piling up from places I will want to avoid).

2011-12-20 Reply Admin

Zylon:
Your Name:
This is an argument I have with my wife constantly. Luckily, for the smoke detector's purposes it's immaterial: that thing will also wail for baced bakon as soon as you open the oven and a cloud of bacon-scented goodness comes out. We routinely call it the "bacon detector".
Here's a crazy idea-- stop burning your damn bacon. If it's smoking, you're doing it wrong.

Fuck you and your flaccid, undercooked salt pork. Bacon must be crisp to the point of brittleness.

da Doctah · 2011-12-20 Reply Admin

Your Name:
Fuck you and your flaccid, undercooked salt pork. Bacon must be crisp to the point of brittleness.

Unless you've got something better: [image]

Zylon · 2011-12-20 Reply Admin

Your Name:
Fuck you and your flaccid, undercooked salt pork. Bacon must be crisp to the point of brittleness.

I agree. And I can get it that way without burning it, because I don't suck at cooking bacon. It just takes a lower temp and more time-- aka, patience. It tastes better too. The fat of bacon that's been slow-cooked develops the most extraordinary melt-in-your-mouth texture.

If you're jumping up and down at the stove screaming "BACON BACON BACON BACON BACON!" and blasting the poor meat at full burn, well of course there's going to be smoke.

2011-12-20 Reply Admin

Jim:
Your Name:
I test my apartment's smoke alarm, whether I want to or not, about once per week by frying bacon in my kitchen.
You owe me 1 x Keyboard - unless you know how to get coffee out....

That's easy. Put your keyboard in the dishwasher (upper rack), dry off the exterior, then let it air dry for a week.

Works great!

2011-12-20 Reply Admin

ObiWayneKenobi:
The real issue is spineless developers who put in hours for death-marches instead of saying "No, I don't care how much you cry like a spoiled kid, this isn't being done in a week".
Seriously, why do most managers act like spoiled children and expect to point and scream and say "Mommy I want that now! now now now" and get it?

You can't be serious. No one "owes" a programmer a job. Project timing is driven by knowledgable people at the top of an organization, who are responsible for responding to market conditions that affect the company. Staying at the top of your game is what enables the company to stay in business. A programmer who says "No, I refuse to put in the effort to get the job done" is really saying "The success of the company is not important to me."

Calling someone "spineless" for being a team player says a lot about you.

2011-12-20 Reply Admin

Ike:
P.S. I like pizza. And turtles.

And ninjas?

2011-12-21 Reply Admin

That is why IT NEEDS unions!

2011-12-21 Reply Admin

derobert:
There are actually safe ways to fully test smoke detectors (test smoke in a can). No actual fires involved.

Tried that at home last year. Alarm didn't go off. Vacuumed the outside of the detector. Sadly, the person with the smoke can wasn't around to test it again.

2011-12-21 Reply Admin

snoofle:
Isn't testing a canister-fueled suppression system without the canister kind of like testing a backup system without the tape? The procedure may look like it passed, but how do you really know?
I am going to propose that in order to reduce risk, from this point forward all [fire] drills be done by setting actual [fires].

Dwight Schrute? Is that you?

That scene is one of the most horrifically funny things I've ever seen on network TV. (Not counting BBC America)

2011-12-21 Reply Admin

If they actually did take their risks seriously then they would be using an FM200 (AKA HFC-227ea) suppression system, a gas that is completely harmless to electronics.

2011-12-21 Reply Admin

grate work.

2011-12-21 Reply Admin

geoffrey:
ObiWayneKenobi:
The real issue is spineless developers who put in hours for death-marches instead of saying "No, I don't care how much you cry like a spoiled kid, this isn't being done in a week".
Seriously, why do most managers act like spoiled children and expect to point and scream and say "Mommy I want that now! now now now" and get it?

You can't be serious. No one "owes" a programmer a job. Project timing is driven by knowledgable people at the top of an organization, who are responsible for responding to market conditions that affect the company. Staying at the top of your game is what enables the company to stay in business. A programmer who says "No, I refuse to put in the effort to get the job done" is really saying "The success of the company is not important to me."

Calling someone "spineless" for being a team player says a lot about you.

Oh, I'm in middle management btw.

ooblek · 2011-12-21 Reply Admin

I went to a data center once that required a 5 minute training session before you were allowed to enter.

The training?

"If you hear the fire alarm ring and see this stuff coming out of the halon dispensers, run for the exit [or you're fucked]."

The server rooms (filled with roughly 30 x 25 rows of racks) are apparently air-tight.

2011-12-21 Reply Admin

Tom:
Not to go off on a tangent, but what's an "off-sine" data center?

It's very clear, I thought.

An off-sine data centre is one that follows the sine wave phase-shifted and is hence up when the original (sine) data centre is down.

2011-12-21 Reply Admin

Dietrich:
Melvis:
"The project plan was buried unter a pile of empty pizza boxes and laptops."
Unter? German flashback.

Der Projektplan wurde begraben Unter einem Stapel von leeren Pizza-Kartons und Laptops.

(Google translated that - my German is less than rusty)
I suspect Google hasn't got a good grasp of German word order.

There's nothing wrong with the word order.

2011-12-21 Reply Admin

my German is less than rusty

so shiny and new then?

2011-12-21 Reply Admin

ooblek:
I went to a data center once that required a 5 minute training session before you were allowed to enter.
The training?

"If you hear the fire alarm ring and see this stuff coming out of the halon dispensers, run for the exit [or you're fucked]."

The server rooms (filled with roughly 30 x 25 rows of racks) are apparently air-tight.

I have worked at a place like that. When the alarm goes off the doors automatically lock shut to keep the Halon gas in the room. It is supposed to be safe to breathe though.

2011-12-21 Reply Admin

Coyne:
I wasn't physically present, but I heard second hand the story of testing a fire alarm system here at our very own data center.
When the alarm goes off, the power is automatically cut to all systems. So, when testing, there is a certain key switch that must be switched to the test position to ensure that the power stays on. Procedure requires the data center manager to change the setting--and for someone else from the operations group to verify that the key switch is in the correct position--both before testing starts and after testing is completed.

One day, the third party fire alarm tester-person decided he didn't want to wait for the manager and someone else to show up. He triggered the alarm.

I heard it was quite shocking, after the alarm cut off (he just tested it for a second) to find oneself in a completely silent data center: No computers, no monitors, no air conditioning...no computing.

The policy has been reinforced: Now the fire tester is held at the front desk until the manager comes to get him. And the specific fire-tester-person that caused the incident is permanently barred from our site.

Fail . I mean . if your DC isn't redundant and all your apps redundant .. your design sucks and your operational costs go straight up .

On the other hand, if it's redundant, you can do the smoke test without requiring complicated procedures -- and you test the DRP at the same time .

2011 + no redundancy = you suck

2011-12-21 Reply Admin

NooB:
The two incorrect letters should both be Ds:
"buried under a pile" "was the off-side data-center"

Heard about a national bank where last week they had the whole call center out in the parking lot for 25 minutes due to someone toasting a piece of bread at their desk. Apparently didn't switch to backup (off-sine?) site so phones just ringing. And ringing.

Knowing call-centers, I doubt this changed the user experience at all.

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