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Admin
After some searching, I finally did find a WTF in the ad - not much of a WTF, but I made it into the punch line of my article!
What I found was the reference to "Cincinnati Computer Store". Now, I'm no expert on 1980s-era businesses (even local ones, since I do live in Cincinnati), but that sounds an AWFUL lot like someone at Apple didn't want to use the actual name of the store, and instead replaced it with some generic filler text - but instead of "a Cincinnati computer store", it somehow got made into the name of the store!
Admin
No, no, no. TRWTF is that Cincinnati has an Apple store. They should have just waited a few years for them to build it and then visited the "genius" bar.
Also, Cincinnati > that shit hole called Cleveland.
Admin
Hey! How about those Reds?
Admin
Ok, I guess TRWTF is that Apple somehow thought that their computer being able to survive a fire was somehow a selling point.
Most of us don't expect that in a computer, so we diligently try and avoid setting it on fire in the first place.
Admin
I'm not applying, but if I were....
Just as Bob typed a period to finish the paragraph he was working on the power went out. It was the third time this week that Bob had lost work due to power issues in the building that his company rented space from. He complained to his boss. Again.
"I know", Bill sympathized. "I've talked with building management and they've assured me that the problem will be corrected over this coming Thanksgiving Day weekend."
After a few minutes the power came back, the computer booted and Bob returned to the presentation he was working on. His company was trying to land an account with a big client. The powers that be decided that the best way to do that was to wow them with a presentation on a then state-of-the-art Apple 2. Since Bob was the only one in the company we knew how to turn a personal computer on, the task fell to him.
"Bad news, Bob", Bill stated bluntly as he walked in. "They've moved the presentation up to next week."
Bob knew that he'd look like a hero if he got it done by then. And that, conversely, he'd take a lot of heat if he didn't.
"Ok Bill. I'll just work through Thanksgiving and get it done", Bob replied.
"Great!", Bill responded. "Hey, wait a minute. Aren't they cutting power to the building this weekend?"
Bill and Bob both had "Uh oh" looks on their faces.
Normally, the company wouldn't approve of an employee taking such an expensive piece of equipment home. But since the big wigs had a lot riding on this presentation, Bill told Bob to take the computer home for the holiday weekend.
"Just wait until everyone is gone for the day so no one will see you. And don't tell anyone about this."
Bob worked tirelessly through the turkey themed holiday, giving up both time with his family and football. Finally, late Saturday night, he saved the final copy of the presentation and went to bed for some much needed rest.
Sunday afternoon we went out to lunch with some friends.
A few hours later a strange odor hit him as he walked in the door.
"My wife must have been warming up some leftover turkey and burned it", he thought. Or at least that's what he might of thought if he'd been married.
Instead he quickly looked for the source. It wasn't hard to find -- the smoke lead him to his TV. And under it, the previously shiny new Apple 2.
His cat sat next to it enjoying the warmth from the dying embers.
Many thoughts ran through Bob's head. But the one that brought him back to reality and claimed him down was when he remembered that he'd stored the floppy discs with the presentation on them in his car.
Bob and Bill made a quick trip to a fruit-based store in Cincinnati.
The presentation was a great success.
And Bob's cat now lives with the little old lady down the street.
Admin
I can't come up with a whole submission but I've got a decent opening line: Tarrance could smell his first work order of the day before he could see it.
Can I get a position as an opening line writer? That or just a general article "fluffer"?
MArk B.
Admin
"William decided to take his heavy desktop computer home for a two day trip to see his family.
While he was inexplicably out eating turkey elsewhere, his cat knocked over a lamp and burned itself and the rest of the apartment to death.
William was frustrated, but after taking his cat to the Apple Store, he found that the CAT STILL WORKED! New skin, new fur, new organs, and 10,000 volts later, the cat was good as new!
Thanks, Apple Store Cincinnati!"
Admin
Admin
Not an Apple store. Just a computer store that happened to be in Cincinnati. While there were stores in the early '80s that sold nothing but Apple, they weren't actually "Apple" stores. (I got the warranteed upgrade to the firmware on my //c to support 3½" drives at a Heathkit franchise.)
Any place that things chili should have spaghetti in it isn't > anything.
(Also, if the most famous event in Cincinnati history occurred at a Who concert, why is it called the Queen City?)
Admin
Proof from the past:
Steve Jobs invented lolcats.
Admin
Admin
You'd be a perfect fit as a TDWTF editor! Or for the perpetual tedium that is the mediocre existence of a professional copywriter.
Admin
Admin
The thing is, by any reasonable standard, there haven't been any good stories on The Daily WTF in a long, long time. Basically the only ones worth reading are in the Side Bar. You know, the ones your shit-midas "editors" don't embellish?
Admin
Admin
TRWTF is the armchair critics who whine on and on about how bad TDWTF always is, while at the same time put across the message that somehow contributing to its improvement is beneath their dignity.
No, it's not because it's beneath their dignity, but because they're actually not actually very good at doing the thing that they are criticising so meanly.
Them as can, does. Them as can't, teach. Them as can't teach, criticise.
I may consider submitting an entry myself, but I'm not sure my own skills are up to it.
Admin
Yes, this plea for applicants has definitely turned me off, because you basically admitted your articles are almost pure fiction. (Which we knew from when the original submitters comment on the article, but I wasn't sure of the extent of the problem.) And, hey, I've been on the lookout for WTFs; I sent one in (a real one) back in January or February, and I haven't seen it yet. I guess a real WTF that can't be turned into a hilarious story isn't usable.
Maybe the site should focus on taking sidebar stories, cleaning them up with clarifications in later posts (that sort of thing - NOT embellishing them), and posting THOSE as the main article each day.
Admin
Jack did his best to suppress a look of pure hatred as yet another customer lugged an oversized cardboard box through the door of the computer store. His battle to maintain the false smile, however, was soon lost when he got a whiff. WTF now? he thought. Customers. So stupid!
blah blah blah
Customer insists computer still works... just need a new everything... in a hurry but can't stay around... be back soon... fix it OK?
blah
Jack can't get the slightest response from it. Sets it aside concluding customer is thoroughly insane.
Customer returns to pick it up -- furious it isn't fixed. But look, it won't even boot!
Punch line -- are you ready --
Customer: oh yeah I host a bulletin board for ASCII porn and I didn't want you to steal my copyrighted material so I took out the motherboard. But trust me it still works... just fix it, OK?
Admin
I vote for Sock Puppet 5
http://thedailywtf.com/Comments/Remotely-Incompetent.aspx#366033
And also, please get rid of Askimet.
Admin
Are we getting rid of Remy? *hopeful
Admin
Admin
That's why I said "wait a few years for them to build it". I'm well aware that there wasn't an Apple Store in Cincinnati (or anywhere in the world) in the 1980's.
Touche on the Chili (I'm not a native). Supposedly it's called the Queen City because old Queen Vic liked it. Or maybe it's just to piss off Charlotte.
Admin
How the computer solved anything is beyond me? Did it call the firefighters, told the cat not do it, perhaps it performed drop and roll.
Other pc's I suppose have certain pyromaniac tendencies.
Captcha: APPELLatio
Admin
I guess he forgot to turn off the firewall before leaving the house.
Admin
I didn't realize people actually read the comments on page 2!
Admin
Admin
And of course Apple earns the Useless Use of Cat Award.
Admin
Alex, would you be able to verify that you've received any emails? Just a "got it" reply to each one would be nice!
Admin
Admin
Admin
You should post some of the submissions. I'd love to see what people wrote!
Admin
Lynn is a designer and the town in Ohio where she lives. One could say that you could take Lynn out of Lynn, but you couldn't take Lynn out of Lynn. That would turn out to be untrue.
It was thanksgiving and Lynn had neither quit cold turkey nor eaten it because she was outside having a smoke and a vegetarian, obviously. The weather was what you would expect for that time of year if you were not from around there, so Lynn checked her email on her iPhone 4S the way you would expect.
The first email in her inbox was from her neighbor, a long and rambling message. Apparently at first her neighbor had seen smoke in the street, and had gone out to see what was the matter but had not found anything. As the smoke had persisted and her neighbor had become more and more agitated.
About half way through, she got a call from her boss, Donny.
"Oh hi Donny, I didn't know it was you", she replied.
"Listen, Lynn, I need to send me those files you were working on at home A.S.A.P", he said.
"Is it important?" she asked.
"Yeaaaaahhh," he answered.
"It's important, isn't it?" she asked, retroactively, and, sensing inner turmoil, hung up.
Lynn could not connect when she opened up VNC to try to remote into her computer at home. Lynn knew the problem could not be the firewall settings on her computer because she had not altered them since she set it up correctly a good deal more than a year ago.
Lynn got a ping response when pinging her computer from a terminal, so she knew her connection up. Lynn, now puzzled, tried to connect via SSH, which did not work.
Lynn gave up and took the next turn off to head home. When she arrived she found that the firewall settings had been reset to default, but how?
Then she realized - it must have happened exactly a year ago at the Apple store when she took the computer the television the lamp her cat knocked over melted in a fire damaged to be fixed.
Her cat had died but survived the incident.
Admin
Admin
The real WTF is why he still works in a place that allows him to generate horror stories on an almost hourly basis.
Admin
Um ... so the job is basically making up shenanigans?
Admin
Submitted but no reply--must not have been hired:-(
A "Crisp" Apple
Back in the 1980's, I worked in customer service at an Apple Computer Store in Cincinnati, Ohio USA. I really liked working with computers, but not so much working with people (including co-workers, suppliers, and customers). So imagine my delight when a customer who was also a co-worker AND a supplier (first he was our coffee vendor, then he bought a computer, then we hired him to work in sales and to keep the coffee topped up) showed up with a melted, scorched computer. His name was Glenn, by the way, and my name was (and is) Mal (short for Malachai).
The bell jangled merrily, announcing the arrival of someone. It was Glenn, carrying the aforementioned melted computer under on arm and cradling an unkempt cat in the other.
"Hey Mal," said Glenn, brandishing the computer, "do you think my warranty will cover THIS?"
I mentally reviewed my knowledge of the Apple product warranty. I knew that it covered defects in workmanship for 1 full year. I thought that if the computer had melted due to a defect in workmanship, it certainly ought to be replaced at the expense of Apple, Inc., not at the expense of Glenn. Furthermore, a defect causing the amount of melting and visible scorch marks I could see on Glenn's computer was a potential safety hazard, one that might justify a massive product recall.
I said as much.
Glenn's eyes twinkled as he laughingly told me how the computer had actually become melted due to what he called "feline misadventure" on the part of Kevin. Kevin was the name of the dirty cat. Kevin had allegedly knocked a lamp over onto a television set, causing a fire, and the ensuing conflagration had damaged the computer.
Upon hearing the details, I said, "Glenn, on what planet would Apple, Inc. be on the hook for the loss of an expensive computer caused by YOUR stupid and careless arrangement of your lamps and your electronics, and YOUR failure to supervise Kevin the Cat? Don't answer, because I already know the answer: on no planet would that ever be the case, and certainly not on Planet Earth."
Glenn tried to argue that we should comp him on repairs and then advertise our great customer service. My shift ended just then, and I left while he was still talking. I don't know what happened next.
Admin
I'm sorry. I'm not very funny. The best I can do is make snarky comments on web forums. And even those are fallacious.
Admin
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Addendum 2022-10-25 14:26: It's great that we may use online assignment assistance. It can be really beneficial, as it was in my situation when I required aid with my dissertation. I had fortunate in locating a reputable business to best dissertation writing services , and the outcome was excellent.