• Gary Bickford (unregistered)

    A loong time ago my U, along with a couple of others in the state system, purchased a Harris 220 running the 'Vulcan' operating system, per the recommendation of a staffer in the state system. Our first time-sharing system with 64 'fast' 300 baud DecWriter terminals, it was to be the core of the new highly-advanced computer science department, and a key tool for an expanded EE program as well.

    After a series of problems similar to the ones in this article, it was finally up and running - some of the time. Actually, about 40% of the time. The EE students who made the fatal mistake of using it to run their circuit simulations could not get enough up time to finish their homework. Once the CPU caught fire. Several times every terminal on campus locked up. A business student running a canned BASIC program managed to write random data all over the disk free map - which meant going back to a week-old backup of all the data on the machine.

    Running a small FORTRAN program to compute a set of 10 values of a mathematical function that converged slowly (Bessel function? I forget), I increased the iterations in steps finally to 1,000,000 per value, in order to get the required six digits. Each one took about a minute. After the fourth number, the phone rang - the sysadmin wanted to know what I was doing to their machine! As it turned out, the machine's optimization had squeezed the inner loop into its cache, and ran all 1,000,000 iterations inside the processor - and did not process interrupts for the entire minute. So like clockwork, every one of the 64 terminals would print one character, and wait for a minute!

    The machine was finally sent back to Harris. The guy who recommended them got hired by Harris. Later Harris got out of the business. I did like their incremental FORTRAN compiler though.

  • Wyrd (unregistered) in reply to GARY O
    GARY O:
    My computer used to ask me to fix problems with my recursion. Then I took it away and gave it some recursion and it asked me to fix problems with my recursion. Then I took it away and gave it some recursion and it asked me to fix problems with my recursion. Then I took it away and gave it some recursion and it asked me to fix problems with my recursion. Then I took it away and gave it some recursion and it asked me to fix problems with my recursion. Then I took it away and gave it some recursion and it asked me to fix problems with my recursion...

    Long live recursion!

    Stack Overflow. Segmentation Fault. Core dumped.

    -- Furry cows moo and decompress.

  • (cs) in reply to Code Dependent
    Code Dependent:
    kastein:
    Note: I have included at least one typo, grammatical error, or punctuation mistake. I expect four pages worth of grammar nazis picking it to pieces by tomorrow morning.
    That should be "four pages' worth".
    No, that should be "I expect four pages of grammar ..." No need for a pleonasm that sounds worse.
  • SAMO (unregistered)

    My parents asked me, "plz send to us teh codes" that my sister had compiled. When I didn't, they kept asking every year or so.

    Long live the trolls!

  • A_H (unregistered) in reply to Gary Bickford

    Same thing happened at my school. Uniwack loaned them a big CPU to demonstrate it's super powerfulness. But if you used their standard compilers, which were very slow, it could only support about 5 users at a time. They did have a much faster BASIC subsystem which did all it's own time-slicing, but it was easy to write a simple loop that somehow never got interrupted to give other users some time.

    That was also the same system where you could reserve disk space at the beginning of a job to ensre it could go to completion. Only problem was, there was no limit on the amout you could request. So you could ask for 2^31 files each with 2^31 elements (sub-files), each with 3^31 granules (sub-sub files), each with 2^31 records, each record of 2^31 bytes. In case you havent been keeping track, there are much less than 2^128 subatomic particles in the visible universe, so it's an impossible number of bytes to request of any computer. Nevertheless, the Uniquack would earnestly go out and start reserving disk space, printing out "gathering facility" every minute or so, until the system ground to a halt.

  • Bleeko (unregistered)

    My parents used to ask me to fix problems with a PC my sister gave them. Then I removed the motherboard and filled the case with bees. Long live bees!

  • (cs) in reply to Sutherlands
    Sutherlands:
    Code Dependent:
    kastein:
    Note: I have included at least one typo, grammatical error, or punctuation mistake. I expect four pages worth of grammar nazis picking it to pieces by tomorrow morning.
    That should be "four pages' worth".
    No, that should be "I expect four pages of grammar ..." No need for a pleonasm that sounds worse.
    I know, but how are you going to explain this to a a guy who exults in his superior grammar-naziism? I doubt he even comprehends the term pleonasm.
  • qazwer00 (unregistered) in reply to Sam Tyler

    My parents used to ask me to fix problems with a PC my sister gave them. Then I formatted the hard drive and installed Linux and they no longer call me for computer support by fear of what I might do.

  • Isaac Eiland-Hall (unregistered) in reply to GARY O
    GARY O:
    Long live recursion!

    This statement will never execute. ;-)

  • OldTechSupport (unregistered) in reply to Andrew
    Andrew:
    No, it was probably IBM. A play on big blue.

    Anyway - I can't figure it out which product line it was. "Operating system not found" suggests the common wintel boot message, but the way it was assembled and fell on its face suggests System p/i/ or z.

    Probably z.

    Def, def, definitely not z; if it didn't find an operating system on its IPL device, the process would be quite different. Sounds like p or i to me. I'm betting p; nobody vaguely sane would offer an i to a university (for one thing, you can't just write programs easily).
  • Philo (unregistered) in reply to Sam Tyler

    ...because it's sitting there unused, parents unable to find "the internet" or Outlook...

  • Captain Oblivious (unregistered) in reply to Konrad
    Konrad:
    initializing skynet [################## ] 90% complete

    HOLEY SHIT CTRL-C CTRL-C

  • Captain Oblivious (unregistered) in reply to Isaac Eiland-Hall
    Isaac Eiland-Hall:
    GARY O:
    Long live recursion!

    This statement will never execute. ;-)

    Execute? It won't even compile!

    Seriously, the Howard-Curry Isomorphism theorem implies that every computer program is equivalent to a constructive proof in a suitable language. No language can prove the statement "This statement will never execute". Ergo, the statement is not equivalent to any computable function.

  • Tyler Sam (unregistered)

    My parents used to ask me to fix problems with Linux my PC gave them. Then I formatted my sister and installed your sister and they always call me for WTF support. Long live ??!

  • GermanGirl (unregistered) in reply to k1
    k1:
    My PC used to ask me to fix problems with my parents and my sister. Then I went to them and now I'm living in this white room. Long live strait jackets!

    Speaking of strait jackets:

    On my mother's very first computer, bought last year, with Vista, (lucky me) I recently had to explain to her what a "file" was. Over the phone. "What's this "program" thing you keep speaking of?" she asks me. I had to explain the concept of "shutting down" rather than just hitting the power strip. This is also the very same person who took her printer back to the store so someone could show her how to insert the cartridges. I sent her a CD of photos, and she put them in her DVD player. For the TV. Lucky me, eh? I run and hide when the phone rings, and have this recurring twitch that has developed recently.

  • (cs) in reply to GermanGirl
    GermanGirl:
    I sent her a CD of photos, and she put them in her DVD player. For the TV.
    Maybe she knows something you don't. A lot of domestic DVD players are perfectly capable of looking at what's on the disc and starting a slideshow if it finds image files or playing music if it finds mp3s.
  • (cs) in reply to Tyler Sam
    Tyler Sam:
    My parents used to ask me to fix problems with Linux my PC gave them. Then I formatted my sister and installed your sister and they always call me for WTF support. Long live ??!
    My parents used to ask me to fix a problem with a pair of panties my sister left lying around for them. Then my mom got scared, and said, "You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air." I whistled for a cab and when it came near The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought, "Nah, forget it. Yo, holmes to Bel-Air!" I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie, "Yo holmes smell ya later!" Looked at my kingdom I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.

    Long live memes!

  • Mr Repetitious (unregistered) in reply to Not as DULL as you
    Not as DULL as you:
    My parents are on the phone. They want you to fix their computer.

    Well that depends... do you have a sister?

  • Rtkwe (unregistered)

    My parents are both CompSci majors before there was even a CompSci department at their Uni... ...they never call me for tech support.

  • Private Parts (unregistered) in reply to Captain Oblivious
    Captain Oblivious:
    HOLEY SHIT CTRL-C CTRL-C
    What?!? TMI TMI TMI!
  • Anonym (unregistered) in reply to Sam Tyler

    My PC used to ask me to fix problems with a FILE_NOT_FOUND. Then I formatted the hard drive and installed Linux and it doesn't ask me anymore. Long live Linux!

  • iudus (unregistered) in reply to Sam Tyler
    Sam Tyler:
    My parents used to ask me to fix problems with a PC my sister gave them. Then I formatted the hard drive and installed Linux and they no longer call me for computer support. Long live Linux!

    troll'd

  • Erdrick (unregistered)

    Wow, seriously? A long, drawn out story about how some computer didn't work?

    Must be getting desperate for submissions.

  • Shiaty Brother (unregistered)

    My parents used to ask me to fix problems with a sister they bought using my PC. Then I formaldehyded her and installed her in a wall behind a closet and they no longer call me for sibling support. Long live fratricide!

  • Mike Akers (unregistered)

    This story has got to be about Clarkson University

  • Aloon (unregistered) in reply to Sam Tyler

    That's because they're not using it anymore ...

  • Mathz (unregistered) in reply to Sam Tyler
    Sam Tyler:
    My parents used to ask me to fix problems with a PC my sister gave them. Then I formatted the hard drive and installed Linux and they no longer call me for computer support. Long live Linux!
    Sam's parents never asked me to fix problems with their PC. Then Sam formatted the hard drive and installed Linux. Long live Sam!
  • Missing Man (unregistered) in reply to Ross Presser

    You and me both! (well to be exact, I miss MY parents, tho I'm sure yours were great)

  • nobody (unregistered) in reply to pink_fairy
    When I see the word "meme" I reach for my duck.
    Am I a pervert because I read that as "dick" first?
  • McB (unregistered) in reply to OldTechSupport
    OldTechSupport:
    Def, def, definitely not z; if it didn't find an operating system on its IPL device, the process would be quite different. Sounds like p or i to me. I'm betting p; nobody vaguely sane would offer an i to a university (for one thing, you can't just write programs easily).

    As I, the person who submitted the story, no longer is connected to IBM or the university at hand, I can tell you that The Monster (as I believe they still call it) is a System i 570.

  • Spot (unregistered) in reply to Sam Tyler

    Sam Tyler, is that because Linux means they no longer need support or because they were so dismayed with the results they decided never to call you again?

  • a (unregistered) in reply to SAMO

    NECROTHREAD!!!

    If you cancel a date to fix a computer (somebody else's computer no less), you have nobody to blame but yourself for the consequences.

  • Derekwaisy (unregistered)
    Comment held for moderation.
  • Jimmyanten (unregistered)
    Comment held for moderation.

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