The Daily WTF: Curious Perversions in Information Technology

Zylon · 2011-08-08 Reply Admin

Thank you, DailyWTF comment thread, for shattering my notion that people who read tech humor sites are even slightly more intelligent than YouTube commenters.

2011-08-08 Reply Admin

hatterson:
Fun fact, the United States accounts for roughly 40% of the money spent on military expenditures world wide. Roughly 700 billion per year. #2 is China at 115 billion per year.

I read recently -- I haven't confirmed this but it sounds plausible -- that in ten years the interest that China collects on the money it has loaned to the United States will be more than their military budget. i.e. the US will be paying for China's military.

I think it was Lenin who said, "When the last capitalist is hanged, it will be with a rope that he sells to us."

2011-08-08 Reply Admin

Jay:
I think it was Lenin who said, "When the last capitalist is hanged, it will be yet another example that the only way leftist schemes can prevail is by violence against those practicing freedom and mutual consent"

FTFY.

2011-08-08 Reply Admin

Fred:
Coyne:
Maxpm:
Six:
Did anyone notice the non-translation of "six?"

It's the same in both languages.

Great! So why have a "replace" for it? Yeeesh...that alone is a WTF
Well-written code is the documentation. This is there to tell you that the programmer didn't simply forget "six".

Because you don't want to put 6 in your translator and get an error....Sheesh....

Are there enough "replace" statements.....

2011-08-08 Reply Admin

Francois:
TRWTF is the French.
The Eskimo language has 17 different words for "snow" because it is such a central part of their daily life and pervades their reality. Similarly, the French have 14 words for "surrender".

But what is the French word for victory?

... Nobody knows.

Australians have a lot of words (and even more expressions) for sexual intercourse.

2011-08-08 Reply Admin

Matt Westwood:
hoodaticus:
Francois:
But what is the French word for victory?
... Nobody knows.
We've been trying every day for a decade to get a Frenchman to answer that question, but all but one day, they were all on strike, holiday, or vacation.

Then, two weeks ago, the impossible happened, and we found a Frenchman at work. When he saw us, he raised a handkerchief in his hand and ran away.

Amateur. The only people properly able to insult the Frogs are Englishmen. We've had millennia of practice.

All you can do is throw that lame and inaccurate accusation of cowardice at them, based on the fact that they weren't prepared to play your silly war games in the Middle East.

If you want to get with the true European tradition, the ones accused of cowardice are the Italians. (Why does an Italian tank have 4 gears? One forward, three reverse, etc. etc.)

But however much we may insult each other and disrespect each other, we save our true hatred for the people on the other side of the pond. That's right, everybody hates the Americans.

Ah wev ma pravvat pahts at your Auntie.

Seconded.

("The Americans, who never learnt to speak English properly..." - a Teacher I had many moons ago, who used to get frustrated by people using American spelling)

Ironically, "Learnt" is being flagged as a mis-spelling.

2011-08-08 Reply Admin

Jay:
I read recently -- I haven't confirmed this but it sounds plausible -- that in ten years the interest that China collects on the money it has loaned to the United States will be more than their military budget. i.e. the US will be paying for China's military.

What makes you think the Chinese government will still lend money to the US government in ten years' time, now that it's becoming so risky?

Paul:
Jay:
I think it was Lenin who said, "When the last capitalist is hanged, it will be yet another example that the only way leftist schemes can prevail is by violence against those practicing freedom and mutual consent"
FTFY.

[citation needed]

Unless you meant "FTF Lenin", which is just odd.

2011-08-08 Reply Admin

Cliff:
Matt Westwood:
...The only people properly able to insult the Frogs are Englishmen. We've had millennia of practice....But however much we may insult each other and disrespect each other...

I think of it as a fraternal relationship, really - brothers who call one another all kinds of horrible names and things, but who ultimately will share toys.

The Poles have a saying: "The Russians are not our friends, they are our Brothers!!!! At least you can pick your friends."

MarkJ · 2011-08-08 Reply Admin

Nagesh:
Can you please to be posting Hindi version of this?

No.

2011-08-08 Reply Admin

BentFranklin:
I find the comments by trtrwtf and publiclurker to be sensible and convincing. Their positions follow cause and effect and require the least suspension of disbelief.

And I anticipate that sooner or later they might reach some agreement or compromise in there well thought out debate. It surprised me, though, when one of them talked about 'declaring victory' because I had assumed that their discussions were largely aimed at the greater good, and the idea was that we could all be winners.

I love the DailyWTF. We can have WWIII while we discuss WWII.

2011-08-08 Reply Admin

Can we stop the internet repeat of the British-American war please? It's not going to be pretty and, no, nobody's going to be setting fire to the White House this time round.

We're two nations with a long history of strong relations and friendship.

We'll never see eye-to-eye on how to run our respective countries, but - hey - that's why sovereign states are sovereign...

hoodaticus · 2011-08-08 Reply Admin

damnum:
("The Americans, who never learnt to speak English properly..." - a Teacher I had many moons ago, who used to get frustrated by people using American spelling)
Ironically, "Learnt" is being flagged as a mis-spelling.

Consequence of Americans inventing the Internet I suppose. I forgot to list that one too...

2011-08-08 Reply Admin

Francois:
But what is the French word for victory?
... Nobody knows.

"Victoire", perhaps?

2011-08-08 Reply Admin

There must be some irony in the fact that a post about some weird translation code on a computer-coding-gone-wrong website turns into a political polemic.

2011-08-08 Reply Admin

Jane Doe:
There must be some irony in the fact that a post about some weird translation code on a computer-coding-gone-wrong website turns into a political polemic.

Must be. Why don't you dig it up and show it to us, so we can shake our heads ruefully, instead of simply asserting that it must exist, which is boring?

2011-08-08 Reply Admin

Cantabrigian:
Francois:
... The Eskimo language has 17 different words for "snow" because it is such a central part of their daily life and pervades their reality. ...

Urban legend: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eskimo_words_for_snow

+1 informative

oheso · 2011-08-08 Reply Admin

Akismet:
Oh, thanks for letting me know, I'll just go over and turn down the knob.
Just be a minute...

There, try it now.

LOLLOLLOLLOL!

Thank you

(wipes tear from eye)

2011-08-08 Reply Admin

hoodaticus:
hatterson:
Fun fact, the United States accounts for roughly 40% of the money spent on military expenditures world wide. Roughly 700 billion per year. #2 is China at 115 billion per year. The rest of the world (aside from those two) combine for about 830 billion.
But hey, it only takes us 10 years and counting to conquer a landlocked country with a GDP of less than 30 billion a year.
The conquest took two months and two days, if you start counting on 9/11/2001.

Occupation, unlike conquest, is by definition eternal.

Also, this is rather ridiculous. We could have killed every living thing in Afghanistan in 15 minutes, so I hope you mix your analysis with some consideration for quality.

Absolutely. Much faster to conquer a country. It slows down a lot when the idea is to not kill people.

rar

2011-08-08 Reply Admin

I wonder if the French code has to be bigger/more prominent than the English.

2011-08-08 Reply Admin

Jay:
hatterson:
Fun fact, the United States accounts for roughly 40% of the money spent on military expenditures world wide. Roughly 700 billion per year. #2 is China at 115 billion per year.

I read recently -- I haven't confirmed this but it sounds plausible -- that in ten years the interest that China collects on the money it has loaned to the United States will be more than their military budget. i.e. the US will be paying for China's military.

I think it was Lenin who said, "When the last capitalist is hanged, it will be with a rope that he sells to us."

Absolutely! And we have a fine, fine selection of ropes for you! Come on out, as our guest, for an all expenses paid stay at our woodland retreat!

While there, we'll show you the latest & greatest technological & marketing advances in ropes, hawsers and cables. We also have specialty lines of strings, lines, twines and cords. While we're talking about it, here's a few little gifts for the little lady and your young pioneers.

Now, I know you've been looking around, perhaps thinking of terminating our relationship, but before doing that, you might want to reconsider what that means for you and yours...

gobes · 2011-08-09 Reply Admin

Matt Westwood:
hoodaticus:
Francois:
But what is the French word for victory?
... Nobody knows.
We've been trying every day for a decade to get a Frenchman to answer that question, but all but one day, they were all on strike, holiday, or vacation.

Then, two weeks ago, the impossible happened, and we found a Frenchman at work. When he saw us, he raised a handkerchief in his hand and ran away.

Amateur. The only people properly able to insult the Frogs are Englishmen. We've had millennia of practice.

All you can do is throw that lame and inaccurate accusation of cowardice at them, based on the fact that they weren't prepared to play your silly war games in the Middle East.

If you want to get with the true European tradition, the ones accused of cowardice are the Italians. (Why does an Italian tank have 4 gears? One forward, three reverse, etc. etc.)

But however much we may insult each other and disrespect each other, we save our true hatred for the people on the other side of the pond. That's right, everybody hates the Americans.

Ah wev ma pravvat pahts at your Auntie.

Matt... YMMD.

2011-08-09 Reply Admin

Cantabrigian:
Francois:
... The Eskimo language has 17 different words for "snow" because it is such a central part of their daily life and pervades their reality. ...

Urban legend: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eskimo_words_for_snow

However, there ARE hundreds of words for 'snow' in Norwegian: http://folk.ntnu.no/ivarse/snjoord.html.

/Jon

2011-08-09 Reply Admin

onitake:
And I'm pretty damn sure quintillion (English) translates to trillion (French)... WTF is a cintillion???

My thoughts exactly. Not only does "cintillion" not exist (at least in fr-FR), but the "translation" somehow can't make up its mind on whether the French use the short scale or long scale.

2011-08-09 Reply Admin

Ha. This is hilarious.

The country the only managed to kick the English out by ganging up with the French (whom it now insults, a lesson there for those helping the USAians); the country that has never won an engagement; the country that can't even go to war without begging for support from NATO; the country that regularly invades third world countries and later withdraws when losses mount too high; the country that only joined the second world war when it realised it was looking at the formation of a Nazi super power that wasn't going to pay back its loans; the country that "achieves" all of this while spending more on its military than any other country while large parts of it vie with the third world in terms of literacy, infant deaths, etc. Ah USA, land of hypocrites and idiots.

2011-08-09 Reply Admin

TRWTF is a language that consciously replaces the words for "seventy", "eighty" and "ninety" with the oh so much handier "sixty-ten", "four-twenty" and "four-twenty-ten", resulting in things like "78" being "Sixty-ten-eight". Works like a charm when writing down a phone number or such.
You're all wrong. All those inventions, along with much, much more, are invented by the Zulu (in my games of Civilization, although it's sometimes the Persians, or the Romans, or the Japanese, or whatever the hell I feel like playing)

2011-08-09 Reply Admin

The Poop... of DOOM:
1. TRWTF is a language that consciously replaces the words for "seventy", "eighty" and "ninety" with the oh so much handier "sixty-ten", "four-twenty" and "four-twenty-ten", resulting in things like "78" being "Sixty-ten-eight". Works like a charm when writing down a phone number or such.

Only because the French have this stupid habit of expressing 8-digit phone numbers as four 2-digit pairs, which AFAIK nobody else seems to do. Welsh also tends to count up in units of twenty (there are words for thirty, forty, fifty, etc. but native speakers almost never use them), but they're only really used for counting - even dates will be read "thousand nine eight four".

2. You're all wrong. All those inventions, along with much, much more, are invented by the Zulu (in my games of Civilization, although it's sometimes the Persians, or the Romans, or the Japanese, or whatever the hell I feel like playing)

Let me introduce you to Europa Universalis III, where occasionally the Iroquois will conquer most of North America before going on to colonise west Africa.

2011-08-09 Reply Admin

112 Gripes about the French Published in Paris in 1945 by the 'Information & Education Division' of the US Occupation Forces.

http://www.112gripes.com/index.html

2011-08-09 Reply Admin

Anonymous Cow-Herd:
The Poop... of DOOM:
1. TRWTF is a language that consciously replaces the words for "seventy", "eighty" and "ninety" with the oh so much handier "sixty-ten", "four-twenty" and "four-twenty-ten", resulting in things like "78" being "Sixty-ten-eight". Works like a charm when writing down a phone number or such.
Only because the French have this stupid habit of expressing 8-digit phone numbers as four 2-digit pairs, which AFAIK nobody else seems to do. Welsh also tends to count up in units of twenty (there are words for thirty, forty, fifty, etc. but native speakers almost never use them), but they're only really used for counting - even dates will be read "thousand nine eight four".
2. You're all wrong. All those inventions, along with much, much more, are invented by the Zulu (in my games of Civilization, although it's sometimes the Persians, or the Romans, or the Japanese, or whatever the hell I feel like playing)
Let me introduce you to Europa Universalis III, where occasionally the Iroquois will conquer most of North America before going on to colonise west Africa.

Holy Schweebus, that looks fun :D

2011-08-09 Reply Admin

hoodaticus:
Matt Westwood:
hoodaticus:
Francois:
But what is the French word for victory?
... Nobody knows.
We've been trying every day for a decade to get a Frenchman to answer that question, but all but one day, they were all on strike, holiday, or vacation.

Then, two weeks ago, the impossible happened, and we found a Frenchman at work. When he saw us, he raised a handkerchief in his hand and ran away.

Amateur. The only people properly able to insult the Frogs are Englishmen. We've had millennia of practice.

All you can do is throw that lame and inaccurate accusation of cowardice at them, based on the fact that they weren't prepared to play your silly war games in the Middle East.

If you want to get with the true European tradition, the ones accused of cowardice are the Italians. (Why does an Italian tank have 4 gears? One forward, three reverse, etc. etc.)

But however much we may insult each other and disrespect each other, we save our true hatred for the people on the other side of the pond. That's right, everybody hates the Americans.

Ah wev ma pravvat pahts at your Auntie.
The English are basically French & Italian blend anyway. But I'll see you your Euro-superiority complex and raise you 100 million heavily-armed rednecks of the type that were necessary to save your pitiful continent from an Austrian street caricaturist.

Addendum (2011-08-08 12:56): Here's the kind of man I'm talking about:

That which has been seen...

What? You're completely ignoring the Celtic, Anglo-Saxon and Scandinavian roots! I am insulted at the lack of historical awareness, even though I am only half English, the other half being Swiss (and don't get me started on the racial mixture here!).

2011-08-09 Reply Admin

Francois:
TRWTF is the French.
The Eskimo language has 17 different words for "snow"

It has about the same number of words as English does:

https://secure.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/wiki/Eskimo_words_for_snow

Francois:
But what is the French word for victory?
... Nobody knows.

Maybe you should send the Statue of Liberty back to them, eh?

The real reason they didn't sign up for your fake war was because the French president figured out your president was a looney:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/andrewbrown/2009/aug/10/religion-george-bush

2011-08-09 Reply Admin

I especially like the circular translations near the end of the table. un > une and une > un

2011-08-09 Reply Admin

Me:
Am I reading this right? Do they translate -un to -une followed by une to un ?

Of course. And if you look closely, you may even see why (hint: consider "one thousand and ninety one").

2011-08-09 Reply Admin

I'm surprised that nobody has yet pointed out that this function appeared at least 8.5 years ago; currently archived at http://www.dbasupport.com/forums/archive/index.php/t-31484.html.

2011-08-09 Reply Admin

The Inuit language is like German in that you can glom on parts of words to make new ones. It's not really sensible to talk about the number of words they have for anything. The French word for victory is "Napoleon". The British have a couple different words for victory, "Nelson" and "Wellington". The American word for victory is "Coca Cola".

EvanED · 2011-08-09 Reply Admin

Bob:
Ha. This is hilarious.
The country the only managed to kick the English out by ganging up with the French (whom it now insults, a lesson there for those helping the USAians);

That was pre-Napoleon. Almost a different France. ;-)

the country that has never won an engagement;

Except against Spain (twice) and half of Europe (twice, with allies).

the country that can't even go to war without begging for support from NATO;

That's as much (or more) for political support as military support. There hasn't been a war that a substantial majority of people think we should be involved in since WW2 (or maybe Korea or early Vietnam), and going for NATO support helps give it an air of legitimacy that it otherwise lacks, both internally and internationally.

Look, the US has a lot of problems... but so does every other country. We may have more than our fair share, but not that much more.

2011-08-09 Reply Admin

Francois:
TRWTF is the French.
The Eskimo language has 17 different words for "snow" because it is such a central part of their daily life and pervades their reality. Similarly, the French have 14 words for "surrender".

But what is the French word for victory?

... Nobody knows.

According to George W. Bush they don't have a word for "entrepreneur" either. It's as true as your stupid post.

method1 · 2011-08-09 Reply Admin

Jay:
I think it was Lenin who said, "When the last capitalist is hanged, it will be with a rope that he sells to us."

That is really very funny. If he hadn't been a revolutionary, Lenin would have made a great standup. Cue Python-style comedy sketch....

2011-08-09 Reply Admin

Francois:
TRWTF is the French.
The Eskimo language has 17 different words for "snow" because it is such a central part of their daily life and pervades their reality. Similarly, the French have 14 words for "surrender".

But what is the French word for victory?

... Nobody knows.

English has 17 different words for snow. BFD.

DaveK · 2011-08-09 Reply Admin

première:
function comment_to_french( p_words in Varchar2 ) return varchar2 as begin return replace(lower(p_words), 'frist!!', ' première!!'); End comment_to_french;

FTFY!

2011-08-10 Reply Admin

Francois:
TRWTF is the French.
The Eskimo language has 17 different words for "snow" because it is such a central part of their daily life and pervades their reality. Similarly, the French have 14 words for "surrender".

But what is the French word for victory?

... Nobody knows.

Victoire or triomphe, I believe. I realise you were attempting to make a poor go at humour.

2011-08-10 Reply Admin

I like the catering for the very large numbers, but with the slight jump between thousand and billion (I'm sure there's something missing there).

2011-08-10 Reply Admin

Francois:
TRWTF is the French.
The Eskimo language has 17 different words for "snow" because it is such a central part of their daily life and pervades their reality. Similarly, the French have 14 words for "surrender".

Not to mention having given us the word "sabotage"...;-)

2011-08-10 Reply Admin

James C:
Can we stop the internet repeat of the British-American war please? It's not going to be pretty and, no, nobody's going to be setting fire to the White House this time round.

Given recent events in London, Birmingham, Manchester and other cities, I wouldn't bet on it.

Put some HDTVs and some mobile phones in the White House and give a coupla-dozen chavs plane tickets and the White House will be ablaze by tea-time.

Severity One · 2011-08-10 Reply Admin

James C:
Can we stop the internet repeat of the British-American war please? It's not going to be pretty and, no, nobody's going to be setting fire to the White House this time round.

No worries, somebody already took a big broom through the comments. Apparently, the first amendment does not pertain to this site...

2011-08-10 Reply Admin

Severity One:
James C:
Can we stop the internet repeat of the British-American war please? It's not going to be pretty and, no, nobody's going to be setting fire to the White House this time round.
No worries, somebody already took a big broom through the comments. Apparently, the first amendment does not pertain to this site...

Your first amendment rights do not trump my rights to evict you from my lawn. For example, the following comments which are highly critical of the site management will probably be edited out:

[mod edit]

But they probably won't let that stand, and quite rightly so.

Severity One · 2011-08-10 Reply Admin

Well, lawyers in the Netherlands suggest that, as a moderator, you don't have the right to edit/remove someone else's comment on your own site just because you don't like it. It would have to be insulting, be discriminatory, or otherwise breach the law.

2011-08-10 Reply Admin

BentFranklin:
I find the comments by trtrwtf and publiclurker to be sensible and convincing. Their positions follow cause and effect and require the least suspension of disbelief.

Thanks. What did I say? I can't seem to find it. Seems someone's got handy with the delete stick

2011-08-10 Reply Admin

Severity One:
Well, lawyers in the Netherlands suggest that, as a moderator, you don't have the right to edit/remove someone else's comment on your own site just because you don't like it.

Well, lawyers in the Netherlands probably need to lay off the space cakes. Someone telling you to get off their lawn isn't an infringement of your right to freedom of expression - you can happily do so from your own private property, or in a public space. (PROTIP: A website is not a public space. No, really.)

2011-08-10 Reply Admin

Anonymous Cow-Herd:
Severity One:
Well, lawyers in the Netherlands suggest that, as a moderator, you don't have the right to edit/remove someone else's comment on your own site just because you don't like it.
Well, lawyers in the Netherlands probably need to lay off the space cakes. Someone telling you to get off their lawn isn't an infringement of your right to freedom of expression - you can happily do so from your own private property, or in a public space. (PROTIP: A website is not a public space. No, really.)

I took down the site and restored it immediately, but there might have been some data loss.

2011-08-10 Reply Admin

I've always wondered how Google Translate works ...

The French Disconnection

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