• ParkinT (cs)

    Default to the HIGHEST rank.

    That is Brillant!!

    Perhaps Dianne Wegg is the new identity of Paula Bean.

  • Smitt-Tay (unregistered)

    Awesome, IT ranks below Cleaning.

  • sd (unregistered)

    The real WTF is that this is still true, just unwritten in most organizations.

  • random dude (unregistered) in reply to Smitt-Tay
    Smitt-Tay:
    Awesome, IT ranks below Cleaning.

    Which do you want dealt with sooner? A backed up toilet, or some network issue?

  • frits (cs)

    It's interesting that "Senior Cleaners" get preference, but not as much as "Security Guards".

  • Marcus (unregistered) in reply to ParkinT
    ParkinT:
    Default to the HIGHEST rank.

    That is Brillant!!

    Perhaps Dianne Wegg is the new identity of Paula Bean.

    Frist! And wrong. Doesn't default to highest rank, just defaults to rank above cleaning and IT

  • lolwtf (cs)

    Tells you a lot about how things are done here. Wish I knew which company this was so I could avoid it.

  • Studley (unregistered)

    Nice system. I guess now the VOICEOVER COACH knows why his queries got answered the quickest.

  • Eric Bolton (unregistered)

    Am I missing something? Since it didn't match, it would return 1, which is still lower than everything except the cleaners. What difference would this have made? Do the cleaners make a lot of requests, drowning out IT?

  • ubersoldat (cs)

    Funny how CEO is 26 but I would have opted for 99 just to be sure.

  • Stev (unregistered) in reply to Eric Bolton

    Everything except cleaners and the rest of the IT Department.

  • anonymous (unregistered) in reply to Eric Bolton

    IT is ranked with 0.6, lower then the cleaners and the default of 1.

  • TheSHEEEP (cs) in reply to Eric Bolton
    Eric Bolton:
    Am I missing something? Since it didn't match, it would return 1, which is still lower than everything except the cleaners. What difference would this have made? Do the cleaners make a lot of requests, drowning out IT?

    Yeah, indeed not THAT funny. He got the highest rank of IT department, and higher than cleaners.

    Here is something more funny: Your mom.

  • Joe (unregistered)

    26 must of have been what the developer thought was CHAR_MAX.

  • none (unregistered) in reply to Eric Bolton
    Eric Bolton:
    Am I missing something? Since it didn't match, it would return 1, which is still lower than everything except the cleaners. What difference would this have made? Do the cleaners make a lot of requests, drowning out IT?

    Every other department would presumably have used the default of 1. This would mean they are singled out as the lowest of the low, so being at the same level as everyone else look like "the top"

  • ekolis (cs)

    What's that update clause doing in the select statement? I've never seen SQL like that before...

  • Yazeran (cs)

    What I would like to know, is how the TITLE could be 'Dianne Wegg'.....

    If checked against the name I coudld kinda understand how that evolved (Some person in HR pissed off about her either too high or too low rank....)

    Yazeran

    Plan: To go to Mars one day with a hammer

  • TheClassic (unregistered) in reply to random dude
    random dude:
    Smitt-Tay:
    Awesome, IT ranks below Cleaning.

    Which do you want dealt with sooner? A backed up toilet, or some network issue?

    They're both plugged tubes.

  • Simon (unregistered)

    Yes, that SQL looks screwed up. I'd love to know what strstr does, too.

  • Canadian Anon (unregistered) in reply to Eric Bolton

    The key phrase is: "a new starter in the IT department was able to get higher up the chain compared to his peers."

    So, any time he put in a request, it would always be taken care of before any other IT requests. Thus, everyone just got him to put in the requests.

  • The poop... of DOOM! (unregistered) in reply to Simon
    Comment held for moderation.
  • AerieC (unregistered)

    Well, without importance scales like this, we might never get most of the IT WTFs on this website.

    So really, it's a good thing... right?

  • ggeens (cs)

    So we have:

    • Replacing the (I assume documented) database table by a hardcoded list: devious

    • Relying on free text descriptions: fragile

    • Attempt to single out one employee (probably boosts the priority of the "Assistant to Diane Wegg"): stupid

    • Leaving a nonsensical and unused SQL statement in the code: priceless

  • the beholder (unregistered)

    Oh wow, now I feel like I'm a really valued asset for The Company, slightly lower than the cleaning staff, the cook, the pool boy, the interns and the chimney sweepers. Hopefully before retirement I'll even get to be called an actual human being, can you imagine that? Thanks finance guys.

  • Larry (unregistered)

    TRWTF is men named Dianne.

  • John Cougar Mellencamp (unregistered) in reply to Larry
    Larry:
    TRWTF is men named Dianne.

    Damn straight - I wrote "a little ditty about Jack and Dianne", not "a little ditty about Jack and some weirdo freak who called himself Dianne."

  • Gordy Gecko (unregistered)

    Typical corporate bullshit. CEO has the highest, despite probably being the least important person there (seriously, even executive I've met seemed to be a blowhard who did nothing at all but HAD to have admin/root access to everything, HAD to have any and all requests executed posthaste even if something was more important, and overall was just a petty tyrant with an ego complex), the people who keep the fucking company running (i.e. IT) gets shafted nonstop and are considered the lowest pieces of shit in the company even though without IT they'd be in the stone age.

    I really wonder sometimes. If people this stupid can run companies and be successful, what could a SMART person do? I swear, I've seen so many corporate WTFs in a few short years.. if and when I ever get my own company off the ground I'm going to run it right. 6 hour days (paid for 8 though), no micromanagement, flex time, can access any websites you want, no monitoring tools.. a little trust and respect goes a long way - people won't dick you over if you treat them like human beings and not pawns that exist to let you act out some feudal/plantation fantasy.

  • Tale (unregistered) in reply to ParkinT

    How could it be defaulting to the highest rank when there are values both above and below it? And, except for really dysfunctional corporations, wouldn't it make sense that stuff from your ultimate boss gets the highest priority, and so "26" is the highest rank there?

    I'm not really grokking this one. There are some issues with the code, yes, but it doesn't seem to address the stated problem. It looks like both ICT Engineer and Finance would get exactly the same result, the default of 1.

  • Medinoc (unregistered) in reply to Tale

    He still had higher priority than "his peers", that is, the other IT guys.

  • Jon E. (unregistered)

    "It's nothing fancy: just a bunch of items in a database."

    I have an auto-response condition to pass out after "It's nothing fancy:". It's an evolved pain avoidance mechanism.

  • mtj (unregistered) in reply to Gordy Gecko
    Gordy Gecko:
    people won't dick you over if you treat them like human beings

    People will dick you over no matter how you treat them. Just sayin.

  • Eurosceptic (unregistered) in reply to Larry
    Larry:
    TRWTF is men named Dianne.

    Don't forget French guys named "Dominique".

  • frits (cs) in reply to Gordy Gecko
    Gordy Gecko:
    ...seemed to be a blowhard who did nothing at all but HAD to have root access...
    Seems to me, you can't have one without the other.
  • frits (cs) in reply to Eurosceptic
    Eurosceptic:
    Larry:
    TRWTF is men named Dianne.

    Don't forget French guys named "Dominique".

    ...with Germanic-sounding last names.

  • mathrick (unregistered) in reply to Gordy Gecko
    Gordy Gecko:
    I really wonder sometimes. If people this stupid can run companies and be successful, what could a SMART person do? I swear, I've seen so many corporate WTFs in a few short years.. if and when I ever get my own company off the ground I'm going to run it right. 6 hour days (paid for 8 though), no micromanagement, flex time, can access any websites you want, no monitoring tools.. a little trust and respect goes a long way - people won't dick you over if you treat them like human beings and not pawns that exist to let you act out some feudal/plantation fantasy.

    It's all extremely true, and the reason I was so very happy working as a PHP (which I detest like little else) for a smart company. Be aware that you will still get people trying to shaft you, which makes the screening process for new employees all the more important. But if you've got smart people who feel like they're being treated as smart people, it can really work wonders. No money can get you what personal motivation can.

  • mathrick (unregistered) in reply to mathrick

    Working as a PHP programmer that is.

  • Roberto (unregistered) in reply to mathrick
    mathrick:
    Working as a PHP programmer that is.
    Please try to show some sensitivity. I had a son who was a PHP programmer, and let me assure you: it is no laughing matter.
  • frits (cs) in reply to Roberto
    Roberto:
    mathrick:
    Working as a PHP programmer that is.
    Please try to show some sensitivity. I had a son who was a PHP programmer, and let me assure you: it is no laughing matter.
    First of all, there is no such thing as "was a PHP programmer". That's not how it works. It's not a curable condition. I think it's you who could use sensitivity pointers.
  • Art (unregistered) in reply to random dude
    random dude:
    Smitt-Tay:
    Awesome, IT ranks below Cleaning.
    Which do you want dealt with sooner? A backed up toilet, or some network issue?
    Well let's see... we have 24 toilets, but only one network...

    But yeah, everyone understands what the janitors do, but outside of IT, nobody is quite sure why we exist. All they know is we can't instantly unjam the magic when their spells go awry, so we must not be that smart.

  • Paul (unregistered) in reply to Gordy Gecko
    Gordy Gecko:
    If people this stupid can run companies and be successful, what could a SMART person do?
    Kinda makes you wonder why there's boatloads of unemployed people but they aren't starting their own companies and doing it better than all the greedy doofus pricks they gripe about incessantly.
  • Anon (unregistered) in reply to Paul
    Paul:
    Gordy Gecko:
    If people this stupid can run companies and be successful, what could a SMART person do?
    Kinda makes you wonder why there's boatloads of unemployed people but they aren't starting their own companies and doing it better than all the greedy doofus pricks they gripe about incessantly.
    I'm sure they would if they had the money or connections to fund it, and the charisma to sell it. Something the "idiot CEO" has in spades, and the reason why they win and you lose.
  • snoofle (cs) in reply to TheClassic
    TheClassic:
    random dude:
    Smitt-Tay:
    Awesome, IT ranks below Cleaning.

    Which do you want dealt with sooner? A backed up toilet, or some network issue?

    They're both plugged tubes.
    Yes, but the bits don't get on your shoes when the network backs up.

  • PedanticCurmudgeon (cs) in reply to frits
    frits:
    Roberto:
    mathrick:
    Working as a PHP programmer that is.
    Please try to show some sensitivity. I had a son who was a PHP programmer, and let me assure you: it is no laughing matter.
    First of all, there is no such thing as "was a PHP programmer". That's not how it works. It's not a curable condition. I think it's you who could use sensitivity pointers.
    Give him a break. This is the first usage I've seen of that meme that was actually funny.
  • ac (unregistered)

    TRWTF is all the IT people reply saying how IT is below the cleaning staff. Visibly, IT people don't aim very high.

  • frits (cs) in reply to PedanticCurmudgeon
    PedanticCurmudgeon:
    frits:
    Roberto:
    mathrick:
    Working as a PHP programmer that is.
    Please try to show some sensitivity. I had a son who was a PHP programmer, and let me assure you: it is no laughing matter.
    First of all, there is no such thing as "was a PHP programmer". That's not how it works. It's not a curable condition. I think it's you who could use sensitivity pointers.
    Give him a break. This is the first usage I've seen of that meme that was actually funny.
    Don't get me wrong. I'm a fan. I was just parodying the typical response.
  • PSWorx (cs)
    • Company gives their IT department even lower priority than their cleaning staff.

    • Company is puzzled when some IT mishap occurs.

    • Company orders IT department to make sure they will stay ranked lower than the cleaners.

    • Why do you need satire when you have real life?

  • Gordy Gecko (unregistered) in reply to Anon
    I'm sure they would if they had the money or connections to fund it, and the charisma to sell it. Something the "idiot CEO" has in spades, and the reason why they win and you lose.

    Yep. What all of these idiots have in spades is one or more of:

    1. Money from inheritance/past companies/lottery/drug money that can be used to immediately get office space, hire people to shill the company, and handle all of that

    2. Connections with people who can provide #1 above or who have connections of their own that can do #1.

    Without #1 and #2 it's hard for Joe American to get his business off the ground, but Jack Money can do it easily with family money or savings.

  • Matt Westwood (cs) in reply to Tale
    Tale:
    How could it be defaulting to the highest rank when there are values both above and below it? And, except for really dysfunctional corporations, wouldn't it make sense that stuff from your ultimate boss gets the highest priority, and so "26" is the highest rank there?

    I'm not really grokking this one. There are some issues with the code, yes, but it doesn't seem to address the stated problem. It looks like both ICT Engineer and Finance would get exactly the same result, the default of 1.

    Read the submission. He got the highest priority of EVERYONE IN IT.

    The fact that everyone else in the company got higher priority than IT is the real WTF and the punchline of the joke.

    I grieve the fact that the joke needs to be explained.

    Wow, and I managed to get through this entire post without fucking swearing. Oops, oh dear.

  • BentFranklin (unregistered)

    There should be a fan fiction competition for the back story of how Dianne Wegg got her 1.4 on.

  • Matt Westwood (cs) in reply to Roberto
    Roberto:
    mathrick:
    Working as a PHP programmer that is.
    Please try to show some sensitivity. I had a son who was a PHP programmer, and let me assure you: it is no laughing matter.

    You poor, poor man. I've got a rehab centre which I've just opened that can cure him of this condition, by turning him into a COBOL programmer.

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