• Jason (unregistered)

    Gotta love those expert consultants. At a company I worked for previously we had one do work that specifically did satisfy the requirements given to him, but did not do what was needed. And he knew it too.

  • Slicerwizard (unregistered)

    WTF does "feverously trying" mean?

  • Randy (unregistered) in reply to Slicerwizard

    The opposite of "'feverously' not trying"

  • CodeReview (unregistered)

    i procolaimed this sql guru to be a noob

    bonus captcha: validus

  • Iconoclast (unregistered) in reply to Slicerwizard

    Feverishly trying would be proper English, meaning to: Flail one's arms wildly and curse inanimate objects.

  • Iconoclast (unregistered) in reply to CodeReview

    Mine was decet.

  • (cs) in reply to CodeReview
    CodeReview:
    i procolaimed this sql guru to be a noob

    bonus captcha: validus

    lawl... proCOLAimed. Advertising as its best!

    However, I do agree it's sad that this so-called guru doesn't even know simple SQL >_>

  • Getmeaguiness (unregistered)

    I dont thinks this 'expert' even knows what hello world might be.

  • (cs)

    I get the "feverously trying" part, but how the hell do you climb a learning curve? Is that like a Microsoft ergonomic ladder or something?

  • (cs) in reply to Iconoclast
    Iconoclast:
    Feverishly trying would be proper English, meaning to: Flail one's arms wildly and curse inanimate objects.

    Class Feature: Coder's Curse

    You curse nearest object you can see. On your next "Feverishly Trying to Fix Sh!t" skill check on a cursed object, add an extra 1d6 to your roll. For each other swear word in excess of three, add +1 to your roll.

    Gurus: Instead of adding the rolled amount, subtract the value from your skill check. It is possible to get below a 1, in this case you will be labeled n00b and be told to go home and take your fail with you.

  • RBoy (unregistered)

    first

  • Dave (unregistered)

    Why did the SQL 'guru' have access to their production database? I don't care how much of a 'guru' someone is, they shouldn't be diving into the production data without a way to undo what they did. The should have deleted the users with invalid emails.

  • RBoy (unregistered)

    Damn. let me try again.

    first

  • RBoy (unregistered)

    Double damn, let's try again

    First

  • RBoy (unregistered)

    Aww screw it, it must be the comment form's fault.

  • (cs)

    THE COMPANY IS PEPSI. GET IT? PEPSI CHALLENGE! I FINALLY FIGURED OUT ONE OF THESE. FUCK YES.

  • (cs) in reply to Vechni
    Vechni:
    THE COMPANY IS PEPSI. GET IT? PEPSI CHALLENGE! I FINALLY FIGURED OUT ONE OF THESE. FUCK YES.
    Fantastic!

    Now, for the next challenge, name the key between 'tab' and the left 'shift' key.

  • foobar (unregistered) in reply to Severity One

    Thank you for this response. You made me laugh out loud on this one, and I needed that!

  • Marc B (unregistered)

    "Tried as they did, Warren and his fellow develop were never quite able to bring it back." What? no backup? Now that's the real WTF.

  • Drew (unregistered)

    The sheer volume of WTFs on both the Guru's and original team's fault is impressive.

  • Mike (unregistered) in reply to Dave

    And why didn't they just check out the working version of the schema from version control, and move it back into production?

    Wait, I think I know the answer to that one . . .

  • (cs) in reply to Severity One
    Severity One:
    Vechni:
    THE COMPANY IS PEPSI. GET IT? PEPSI CHALLENGE! I FINALLY FIGURED OUT ONE OF THESE. FUCK YES.
    Fantastic!

    Now, for the next challenge, name the key between 'tab' and the left 'shift' key.

    CAPS LOCK. I WAS USING SHIFT THOUGH BECAUSE I DO NOT EVEN SEE THE POINT OF CAPS LOCK. MAYBE BECAUSE I HAVE PRETTY BIG HANDS AND I CAN EASILY REACH ANY KEY WHILE HOLDING MY PINKY ON SHIFT

  • blindman (unregistered)

    Warren's boss did not bring on an SQL Guru. Warren's boss brought on the cheapest resource he could find, and they got what they paid for.

  • jaq (unregistered) in reply to Severity One
    Severity One:
    Vechni:
    THE COMPANY IS PEPSI. GET IT? PEPSI CHALLENGE! I FINALLY FIGURED OUT ONE OF THESE. FUCK YES.
    Fantastic!

    Now, for the next challenge, name the key between 'tab' and the left 'shift' key.

    'Control'

  • Simon (unregistered)

    Ahhh Consultants. They know a thousand different ways to make love to a woman, but have never actually had sex.

  • 50% Opacity (unregistered) in reply to jaq
    jaq:
    Severity One:
    Now, for the next challenge, name the key between 'tab' and the left 'shift' key.

    'Control'

    Japanese keyboard?

  • JdFalcon04 (unregistered) in reply to Severity One

    This may be one of the best comments I've seen, and on one of the better WTFs I've seen in a while.

    You, sir, win the Internet.

  • (cs)

    Know how some systems lock you out after four consecutive incorrect passwords? I have an idea that will make the world a better place: After four consecutive SQL syntax errors, you're automatically FIRED.

    Addendum (2009-04-08 10:33): Your transaction is rolled back, your account is deleted, the sirens are sounded, security is called to escort you out of the building in handcuffs, and your pleas of "typo! typo!" fall on deaf ears.

    Addendum (2009-04-08 10:38): Also, security is a bunch of armed robots with snakes coming out of them.

  • JoC (unregistered)

    After seeing Adderific, I was hoping this was a WTF involving a snake farm or something. Lots of possibilities.

  • rob (unregistered) in reply to Severity One
    Bob:
    Now, for the next challenge, name the key between 'tab' and the left 'shift' key.

    "Ctrl". Unfortunately, on most keyboards it is misspelled as "Caps Lock". Even more unfortunately, on most keyboards there is a bug which causes it to capitalize all subsequent letters.

  • (cs) in reply to 50% Opacity
    50% Opacity:
    jaq:
    Severity One:
    Now, for the next challenge, name the key between 'tab' and the left 'shift' key.

    'Control'

    Japanese keyboard?

    Nope, writing this using a Japanese keyboard and all I have between tab and shift is caps lock. Got hankaku / zenkaku above my tab key though. =P

    Addendum (2009-04-08 10:46): Mine is a regular Japanese keyboard though, not sure what it looks like on one that uses the thumb-shift input method. Never actually physically looked at one of those. Those keyboards actually replace the space bar with special 'shift' keys that allow all Kana to be mapped onto the same keys as the roman alphabet. However, I'm not quite sure where space is on that layout... :)

  • (cs) in reply to jaq
    jaq:
    Severity One:

    Now, for the next challenge, name the key between 'tab' and the left 'shift' key.

    'Control'

    Yes! Unix FTW!

    I have my mac set up that way too, makes so much more sense.

  • my name is missing (unregistered)

    An expert is anyone 40 miles away from home. A 'SQL Guru' is anyone 40 miles away from home who can spell SQL.

  • (cs) in reply to Vechni
    Vechni:
    *snip* I CAN EASILY REACH *snip* WHILE HOLDING MY *snip*
    This is so rife with potential, it fairly shimmers on the screen.
  • 50% Opacity (unregistered) in reply to Kermos
    Kermos:
    50% Opacity:
    Japanese keyboard?
    Nope, writing this using a Japanese keyboard and all I have between tab and shift is caps lock. Got hankaku / zenkaku above my tab key though. =P

    Ｙｅａｈ、ｔｈａｔ　ｏｎｅ　ｃａｎ　ｂｅ　ａｎｎｏｙｉｎｇ　ｔｏｏ．；ー）

    PS: Japanese Macs usually have the weird Tab-Control-Shift layout on the left.

  • silent d (unregistered)

    SELECT * FROM consultant WHERE title = 'SQL Guru' AND clue > 0;

    no rows selected

  • (cs) in reply to Marc B
    Marc B:
    "Tried as they did, Warren and his fellow develop were never quite able to bring it back." What? no backup? Now that's the real WTF.
    Or even a fucking creation script? I mean did these two fucktards create the database a column at a time using Toad?
  • (cs) in reply to 50% Opacity
    50% Opacity:
    Kermos:
    50% Opacity:
    Japanese keyboard?
    Nope, writing this using a Japanese keyboard and all I have between tab and shift is caps lock. Got hankaku / zenkaku above my tab key though. =P

    Ｙｅａｈ、ｔｈａｔ　ｏｎｅ　ｃａｎ　ｂｅ　ａｎｎｏｙｉｎｇ　ｔｏｏ．；ー）

    PS: Japanese Macs usually have the weird Tab-Control-Shift layout on the left.

    TRWTF with this comment is that you're using a Mac

  • (cs)

    Yet another "guru" who seems to know jack shit about even the most basic commands in their "expert" language of choice.

  • ML (unregistered)

    Okay, let me see if I got this straight. Try to imagine this said with lots of melodrama as read by Don LaFontaine.

    IN A WORLD where two guys make a CRM system, they are HEROES. Just a couple of guys doing a bang up job. They didn't do anything wrong....

    UNTIL THE SQL GUY SHOWS UP. He makes a few updates to the database data. Most of those updates fail and don't do anything at all. He then disables a single CHECK constraint and updates a single field in the table on 240 rows.

    THEN SUDDENLY, the system our two heroes worked so slavishly on goes to shit. However, it is not the fault of the two guys who built a system so fragile that a single update to a non-critical field like E-MAIL could screw it so completely.

    Somehow, I think this story is a little embellished. If this one SQL update is what these two morons are trying to pin the failure on, they must really be desperate for a scapegoat for their WTF of a crappy, fragile system.

  • (cs) in reply to Mike
    Mike:
    And why didn't they just check out the working version of the schema from version control, and move it back into production?

    Wait, I think I know the answer to that one . . .

    Actually, I suspect the problem was that there was lots of data in the database which was now totally useless. I expect they could have created a blank database again, but that wouldn't have been any use to the customer, who wanted all the data back.

    Yes, they should have done a database backup before letting the guru on it - but, after all, it's a guru!

    The real fix would have been to only allow a competent person to create accounts in the first place, rather than letting brain-dead people register themselves, and register a different login every time they used the system.

    The 'gurus' tries seem to take big leaps, so I suspect he was either from an 'SQL for dummies' book as he was doing it - you'd have thought someone would have spotted this...

  • Sing (unregistered)

    Ahh...consultants. I have rewritten thousands of lines of code "developed" by consultants over the years. For some reason, my company still thinks "the grass is always greener on the other side".

  • (cs) in reply to 50% Opacity
    50% Opacity:
    jaq:
    Severity One:
    Now, for the next challenge, name the key between 'tab' and the left 'shift' key.

    'Control'

    Japanese keyboard?

    No, my Japanese keyboard has 'Caps Rock.'

  • (cs) in reply to ML
    ML:
    He then disables a single CHECK constraint and updates a single field in the table on 240 rows.

    THEN SUDDENLY, the system our two heroes worked so slavishly on goes to shit. However, it is not the fault of the two guys who built a system so fragile that a single update to a non-critical field like E-MAIL could screw it so completely.

    It seems that you missed the bit where the email address was the key to the whole system - it was the login. I guess they had that as the key into lots of tables. So, suddenly all the email addresses are the same ('www.%com') meaning there is no way to link data back to users any more.

    Also, it looks like you missed the 'this was the tip of the iceberg' phrase near the end of the article. The guru could well have changed much more than just the email addresses.

  • brian j. parker (unregistered) in reply to ML

    ...a system so fragile that a single update to a non-critical field like E-MAIL could screw it so completely.... they must really be desperate for a scapegoat for their WTF of a crappy, fragile system.

    E-mail a "non-critical" field in a CRM? Especially if used as the login as well?

    I'd say "the real WTF is" that they don't do an email validation before account creation, but if you read this, it is obvious that they knew they were out of their depth on this project. I don't think they need an excuse for the system being crappy and fragile when it was a v1.0 system built with a toolset they had no familiarity with, for a business domain they had little knowledge of.

    I have a feeling that the untold part of this story was just that the system was sorely lacking in features, since they were trying to build (on the cheap) complex software that should have been bought off-the-shelf instead.

  • Downfall (unregistered) in reply to shadowman
    shadowman:
    50% Opacity:
    jaq:
    Severity One:
    Now, for the next challenge, name the key between 'tab' and the left 'shift' key.

    'Control'

    Japanese keyboard?

    No, my Japanese keyboard has 'Caps Rock.'

    Hey, that's wacist.

  • (cs)

    Pepsi. Any company that uses Micheal Jackson and Britney Spears as spokes-persons knows a thing or two about WTF...

  • ML (unregistered) in reply to Jason
    Jason:
    Gotta love those expert consultants. At a company I worked for previously we had one do work that specifically did satisfy the requirements given to him, but did not do what was needed. And he knew it too.
    Sorry, going to side with the consultant on this one. I've been in that situation myself. You get requirements that say "Do X". You tell the customer, "You don't want to do X, you really want to do Y". The customer is steadfast, "You were hired to do X, so do X or we'll sue you for breach of contract." ... and so you do X. Unfortunately, what they needed isn't on paper, what was required is on paper. When it comes to a courtroom, what's on paper (the requirements) is what trumps, so the consultant is going to do what's on paper each and every time.

    If there's a discrepancy between what is needed and what you gave to the consultant as a requirement, is it REALLY the consultant's fault that he took what you wrote down over some vague notion of what you need?

  • Buddy (unregistered) in reply to Dave
    Dave:
    Why did the SQL 'guru' have access to their production database? I don't care how much of a 'guru' someone is, they shouldn't be diving into the production data without a way to undo what they did. They should have deleted the users with invalid emails.

    Three things I learned after many years slogging it out:

    Never ask "why" - it is because it is.

    Never think about "should" or "should not" - it just wastes time.

    Given enough time, all code will fail - no exceptions.

  • wkk (unregistered) in reply to Severity One
    Severity One:
    Vechni:
    THE COMPANY IS PEPSI. GET IT? PEPSI CHALLENGE! I FINALLY FIGURED OUT ONE OF THESE. FUCK YES.
    Fantastic!

    Now, for the next challenge, name the key between 'tab' and the left 'shift' key.

    I named mine George.

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