• (cs)

    Man, where is Bert when you need him?

  • Steve (unregistered) in reply to Anonymous
    Anonymous:
    Matt Westwood:
    You appear to be one of those cases of arrested adolescence who believe that your masculinity is confirmed by announcing your arrival by having your vehicle make as loud a noise as possible. Excessive noise pollution is a crime in most civilised areas of the world.
    Steve:
    Are you for real?
    PeriSoft:
    Are you for real?
    Beautiful! Well it's been said before but - are you for real Matt Westwood? Because if that wasn't a troll it was a fucking retarded thing to say. I'm currently taking bets, odds are 4:1 that he's a troll and 2:1 he's a retard.
    I'm not really a gambling man but what the hell, I'll put $50 on retard. Should be the easiest 100 bucks I ever made.
  • AShea (unregistered) in reply to TheMugs

    If the machine hadn't been run it was probably machine oil burning off the spark plugs and injectors.

  • (cs) in reply to 3rd Ferguson
    3rd Ferguson:
    What does schadenfruede sound like?
    ˈʃaːdənˌfʁɔʏdə

    And like it's been said, this was a good read. Well done, Alex.

  • LB (unregistered) in reply to Zylon
    Zylon:
    English Man:
    I for one congratulate Alex for the excellent job of proof-reading this article! Best I've seen so far!
    Well, there is this gem:
    Alex:
    Nervously, they relocated the room with the Test Machine...
    Now that's an impressive engineering feat!
    There's also:
    Alex:
    As soon as they started, the horrible noises stopped
    I'm pretty sure that was supposed to say "As suddenly as they had started". If they stopped as soon as they started, Christophe might have been startled, but probably not in full panic mode.

    Overall, quite well written, though. And a fun story.

  • Matt Westwood (unregistered) in reply to Anonymous
    Anonymous:
    Matt Westwood:
    You appear to be one of those cases of arrested adolescence who believe that your masculinity is confirmed by announcing your arrival by having your vehicle make as loud a noise as possible. Excessive noise pollution is a crime in most civilised areas of the world.
    Steve:
    Are you for real?
    PeriSoft:
    Are you for real?
    Beautiful! Well it's been said before but - are you for real Matt Westwood? Because if that wasn't a troll it was a fucking retarded thing to say. I'm currently taking bets, odds are 4:1 that he's a troll and 2:1 he's a retard.
    I don't appreciate being misquoted, but if you insist.
  • Mogri (unregistered) in reply to Anonymous
    Anonymous:
    Matt Westwood:
    You appear to be one of those cases of arrested adolescence who believe that your masculinity is confirmed by announcing your arrival by having your vehicle make as loud a noise as possible. Excessive noise pollution is a crime in most civilised areas of the world.
    Steve:
    Are you for real?
    PeriSoft:
    Are you for real?
    Beautiful! Well it's been said before but - are you for real Matt Westwood? Because if that wasn't a troll it was a fucking retarded thing to say. I'm currently taking bets, odds are 4:1 that he's a troll and 2:1 he's a retard.
    I'm not a gambling man either, so I'll put a million on each and pray he's a troll.
  • LB (unregistered) in reply to Mogri
    Mogri:
    Anonymous:
    I'm currently taking bets, odds are 4:1 that he's a troll and 2:1 he's a retard.
    I'm not a gambling man either, so I'll put a million on each and pray he's a troll.
    Why? You'd lose 750,000 if you won just that bet and lost the other.
  • Shan (unregistered)

    Hmm, "Company" deploys a team that does not understand client business, does not understand client systems, does not understand the language the client team speaks, does not manage the team properly, could have destroyed multi million dollar client equipment, tries to stall/mislead the client, hides status/information from the client ...

    Based on comments on previous similar stories, I wonder whether most of the posters would have been discussing noise/electronics, if instead of the client being Japanese and the "Company" being American/European, the client was American/European and "Company" was Russian/Chinese/Indian.

  • Darth ECU (unregistered)

    I have flipped the voltage. Pray I don't flip the voltage any further.

  • KKK (unregistered) in reply to Shan
    Shan:
    Hmm, "Company" deploys a team that does not understand client business, does not understand client systems, does not understand the language the client team speaks, does not manage the team properly, could have destroyed multi million dollar client equipment, tries to stall/mislead the client, hides status/information from the client ...

    Based on comments on previous similar stories, I wonder whether most of the posters would have been discussing noise/electronics, if instead of the client being Japanese and the "Company" being American/European, the client was American/European and "Company" was Russian/Chinese/Indian.

    Just because your racist doesn't mean the rest of us are.

  • Grammar Nazi (unregistered) in reply to KKK
    KKK:
    Shan:
    Hmm, "Company" deploys a team that does not understand client business, does not understand client systems, does not understand the language the client team speaks, does not manage the team properly, could have destroyed multi million dollar client equipment, tries to stall/mislead the client, hides status/information from the client ...

    Based on comments on previous similar stories, I wonder whether most of the posters would have been discussing noise/electronics, if instead of the client being Japanese and the "Company" being American/European, the client was American/European and "Company" was Russian/Chinese/Indian.

    Just because you're racist doesn't mean the rest of us are literate.
    FTFY. I don't no why its so hard to get that right.

  • Grammar Nazi (unregistered) in reply to KKK
    KKK:
    Shan:
    Hmm, "Company" deploys a team that does not understand client business, does not understand client systems, does not understand the language the client team speaks, does not manage the team properly, could have destroyed multi million dollar client equipment, tries to stall/mislead the client, hides status/information from the client ...

    Based on comments on previous similar stories, I wonder whether most of the posters would have been discussing noise/electronics, if instead of the client being Japanese and the "Company" being American/European, the client was American/European and "Company" was Russian/Chinese/Indian.

    Just because your racist doesn't mean the rest of us are.
    His racist what? And what about his racist [something]? Finish your sentences if you're going to start them. Or did you mean to say "you're"?

  • Patrick (unregistered)

    What? Now there's two of you? It's an invasion!

  • Grammar troll (unregistered) in reply to Grammar Nazi
    Grammar Nazi:
    His racist what? And what about his racist [something]? Finish you're sentences if your going to start them. Or did you mean to say "you're"?

    ftfy

  • qminator (unregistered) in reply to H.P. Lovecraft

    You should have written:

    "Hell, I've seen LARGE CAPS SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST ..."

  • qminator (unregistered) in reply to H.P. Lovecraft

    Hmmm, doesn't make much sense without the quote, let me try that one again:

    H.P. Lovecraft:
    Hell, I've seen large caps spontaneously combust and start fires all on their own.

    H.P. you should have written

    "Hell, I've seen LARGE CAPS SPONTANEOUSLY combust..."

  • opto (unregistered) in reply to Patrick
    Patrick:
    What? Now there's two of you? It's an invasion!
    That's because it would be the Grammar Nazi party that apparently they are both members of.
  • (cs) in reply to Zylon
    Zylon:
    Well, there is this gem:
    Alex:
    Nervously, they relocated the room with the Test Machine...
    Now that's an impressive engineering feat!
    Not if they're in California. There it's just a matter of judicious timing.
  • Anonimoose (unregistered) in reply to LB
    LB:
    Mogri:
    Anonymous:
    I'm currently taking bets, odds are 4:1 that he's a troll and 2:1 he's a retard.
    I'm not a gambling man either, so I'll put a million on each and pray he's a troll.
    Why? You'd lose 750,000 if you won just that bet and lost the other.

    Actually, he would lose 1.75 mil. He'd put up 2 mil to place both bets, then get 0.25 mil back for winning the troll bet.

    However, I don't quite understand the conditions being bet on though. Given the situation, I would take the bet to be troll vs retard. But then you would just have one set of odds, ie. 2:1 for troll:retard. He has 4:1 for troll vs what? and 2:1 for retard vs what?

    It could be troll vs !troll and retard vs !retard, but the tone of the post seemed to indicate that Matt is definately either a troll or a retard. Is the :1 in both cases for Matt being a legitimate poster? If so, then the odds could have just been simplified to 4:1:2 for troll:legit:retard. This would indicate that the post gives a 14.3% chance of Matt being legit, which (as stated above) conflicts with the tone of the post that Matt must be either a troll or a retard.

  • Frank (unregistered) in reply to bill

    Also electronics often has a "new electronics" smell, which can be very intense the first time it is powered up. Must have something to do with the manufacture of it. One monitor had quite a strong smell when new and off, even more when on for the first few times. And the manual had that same smell.

    When he switched on that signal, a lot of circuitry likely went from dormant and room temperature to active and at an increased (albeit normal) temperature. Likely for the first time. Also any dust on the circuits or injectors could've burned off - so even though things were working normally, it could have been a potent smell.

    Think laser printer + new electronics + hot dust all at once.

    That plus the noise could've easily freaked someone out if they were unprepared.

    Especially since there is no hood or anything blocking the sounds or smells.

  • DeLos (unregistered)

    I love the racism in this article! Keep it up...

    Seriously, why though? Unneeded.

  • (cs) in reply to @Deprecated
    @Deprecated:
    So the WTF was that the WTF was not a WTF at all? And how do you relocate a room? In less than 30 minutes?

    The lesson is: when trying to make something work, know what "working" looks like first

  • (cs) in reply to DeLos
    DeLos:
    I love the racism in this article! Keep it up...

    Seriously, why though? Unneeded.

    I fail to see how acknowledging that cultural differences exist in the world is racist. I think pretending they don't exist is much more offensive.

  • Mark (unregistered) in reply to frits
    frits:
    DeLos:
    I love the racism in this article! Keep it up...

    Seriously, why though? Unneeded.

    I fail to see how acknowledging that cultural differences exist in the world is racist. I think pretending they don't exist is much more offensive.

    I suspect he's talking about the transcription of the Japanese accent; accents are not really "cultural differences".

    In this instance, it doesn't add any information beyond having already said that the man spoke with a Japanese accent. Stylistically it fails to recognize that the written form of language normally represents words, not sounds.

    Now, if the accent had led to some miscommunication, then I'd think otherwise, as a textual representation of the accented/distored words would be a concise way to convey both what was said and what was heard. But that's not the case here.

    So the only function the l/r flips serve in this text would seem to be humor value. The thing is, laughing at someone's accent actually is somewhere between immature and mildly racist.

  • zdux (unregistered)

    I do advocate that everyone should (when at all possible) leave smoking electronics powered up. They will almost always stop smoking by themselves.

  • Spike (unregistered)

    "What does schadenfruede sound like?"

    A Splat or a thud usually

  • (cs)

    The WTF is that they were supposed to do their testing with the actual machine running! They had done all their development stuff without actually firing up the machine. The whole point of having the "Test Machine" was to calibrate against the real thing.

    Even better that actually firing up the machine caused such a panic attack. I would've been startled, but I would've also assumed that the engine was actually running.

  • Neville Flynn (unregistered)

    A bunch of clueless people who know nothing about automobile engineering developing software for a vehicle ECU? Was the client Toyota by any chance?

  • boog (unregistered) in reply to Matt Westwood
    Matt Westwood:
    You appear to be one of those cases of arrested adolescence who believe that your masculinity is confirmed by announcing your arrival by having your vehicle make as loud a noise as possible. Excessive noise pollution is a crime in most civilised areas of the world.
    That's a bit harsh. I don't disagree with your apparent feelings on noise pollution, but noise advocacy/opposition aside, it seemed to me he was merely refuting the following claim:
    Bob:
    If they could completely eliminate engine noise, they would.
    His examples were quite appropriate, whether anyone thinks they qualify as excessive noise pollution or not.
  • Ed_Grundy (unregistered) in reply to Bob

    And you,sir, do not sell cars.

    While the engineers may not care about the sound of the exhaust system, or the 'clunk' the doors make when they close, the marketing people do.

    BMW have invested millions in 'active sound design' to give diesel engines a more sporty tone:

    “Today’s diesel engines are capable of a lot. They’re efficient, highly effective and high-torque, but until now they were lacking the right sound. With Active Sound Design, they’re finally achieving the sound that they deserve based on their performance characteristics.” (Albert Kaltenhauser, Manager for Airborne Sound, Acoustics and Vibrations)

  • ÃÆâ€â„ (unregistered) in reply to Bob
    JSelf:
    Man, where is Bert when you need him?
    Bob:
    brazzy:
    schmitter:
    I can see this. Most car parts make some sort of noise that seems out of place when you eliminate the actual engine running noise.

    Don't believe for a second that the sound of a running car is simply whatever happens to be the sum of all the noises the individual parts make.

    Car makers have "sound engineers" whose job it is to use all allavailable tricks (adding parts, modifying shapes, changing materials, etc.) to ensure that the end result sound smooth, reassuring and/or macho.

    You sir, are an idiot.

    Well, that or someone who has no experience at all with engineering. To a person like you, the world is a magical place that operates according to changing principles that a select few magicians understand. Yes, engine noise is the sum of the noises of the individual parts. Engineers care very little about the sound of the car: that is caused by explosions. If they could completely eliminate engine noise, they would. They can't, but they suppress it as much as possible.

    I was hoping for a Bert from Bob, but unfortunately Bob is actually an idiot.

  • Anonymously Yours (unregistered)

    I'm surprised Christophe is getting so much flak over freaking out. It's one thing to listen to the sound of a car running when there's white noise in the background from distant traffic and sound dampening engineering between you and the machine. It's quite different when you fire them up, unshielded audibly, inside a quiet office building in the dead of night.

    His reaction makes perfect sense, given that he was tired, stressed, hearing the machine make a completely new noise, and was doing something dangerously stupid at the time it happened. Who plays with electrical settings --in someone else's million dollar machine-- just to see what they do?

  • (cs) in reply to Spike
    Spike:
    "What does schadenfruede sound like?"

    A Splat or a thud usually

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rX7wtNOkuHo

  • iToad (unregistered)

    And a hardware-related story from the olden days...

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scratch_monkey

  • (cs) in reply to Anonymously Yours
    Anonymously Yours:
    ...sound dampening engineering...
    This is for making moist (damp) sounds, eh? [Insert sexual innuendo of your choice here.]

    "Dampen" is certainly a verb, but so is "damp" -- to reduce the magnitude of (a vibration, e.g.). Very commonly misused, unfortunately.

  • Anonymously Yours (unregistered) in reply to Silverhill
    Silverhill:
    Anonymously Yours:
    ...sound dampening engineering...
    This is for making moist (damp) sounds, eh? [Insert sexual innuendo of your choice here.]

    "Dampen" is certainly a verb, but so is "damp" -- to reduce the magnitude of (a vibration, e.g.). Very commonly misused, unfortunately.

    http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/dampen

    1. to dull or deaden; depress
  • &nbsp (unregistered)

    "To make matters worse, the client’s engineers spoke half-Japanese and half-automobile-engineer."

    やっぱり、外人へのアウトソーシングはだめな～

  • lyricnz (unregistered)

    Great story!

    Reminds of me when I used to work on a stap-in two-axis rotation flight simulator. Pointy-haired Boss comes to us one day, all worried, because he'd read about software piracy on the internet. Asked us what copy-protection mechanisms we had in place to protect his significant investment. We pointed to the two-tonne dongle, and said that if someone can steal that, they're welcome to it. Heh.

  • &nbsp (unregistered) in reply to Neville Flynn
    Neville Flynn:
    A bunch of clueless people who know nothing about automobile engineering developing software for a vehicle ECU? Was the client Toyota by any chance?
    私もそれと思いました。
  • Dreadwolf's Jockstrap (unregistered)

    Great story, and there most definitely is a WTF here, if not several. The worst WTF though is that they treated the big bad box as big bad black box, without any understanding of what was happening inside it.

  • Apeiron (unregistered) in reply to Grammar Nazi
    Grammar Nazi:
    FTFY. I don't no why it's so hard to get that right.

    ftfy

    If my translations are even somewhat correct..

    Cbuttius:
    ときは、12Vのスイッチを入れる、車が起動するが表示されます

    "Sending 12V to switch starts automobile."

     :
    "To make matters worse, the client’s engineers spoke half-Japanese and half-automobile-engineer."

    やっぱり、外人へのアウトソーシングはだめな～

    "Also, not good outsourcing to foreigners."

     :
    Neville Flynn:
    A bunch of clueless people who know nothing about automobile engineering developing software for a vehicle ECU? Was the client Toyota by any chance?
    私もそれと思いました。

    "And I too thought that."

  • Veldan (unregistered) in reply to H.P. Lovecraft
    H.P. Lovecraft:
    frits:
    Eaten by a Grue:
    frits:
    The lesson here is pulling all nighters clouds judgement. When electronic circuits fail, they usually release a puff of smoke (and maybe sparks and flames) and then stop working. The fact that the test machine continued doing stuff should have been a clue that things were working. Did he even check if dummy lights had turned off? Because that should have been his primary test criteria.

    You should of course always wait until equipment catches fire or sparks dangerously before attempting to correct a hardware problem. After all, Finagle's Law of Testing states quite clearly that the value of testing equals the value of equipment ruined in the process.

    Electronic equipment usually fails almost instaneously when you apply power to a bad configuration (usually from miswring). So waiting isn't really an option. The thing is toast before you can reach for the power switch. Additonally, there is usually very little mechanical action associated with elecronic component failure. I've fixed (and broken) enough electronic devices to vouche for my statements. I was an electonics tech for several years before entering the programming field.

    The one thing I didn't mention previuosly but is worth mentioning is that Christophe shouldn't have applied power without knowing what the signal did. So that is an additional lapse of judgement.

    Wow. Please don't spread that type of misinformation. Electronics fires are common and easily started. Many components heat up sufficiently to carbonize the plastic coating on PCBs and components. This creates surface conductivity, and in turn heat, which eventually cycles into a real fire.

    The only time you DONT get a fire with failed electronics is when you A) dont have enough current to cause large arcs B) are lucky enough to blow a component and break the circuit instead of it blowing in the open position.

    Hell, I've seen large caps spontaneously combust and start fires all on their own.

    The best is when you overheat your computer and the capacitors start flying off making little squeals like fireworks without the bang. Even leaving nice smoke trails (note: the case was open at the time).

    This happened to my motherboard after my brother changed some voltage settings to "improve performance"...

  • Nickster (unregistered) in reply to Lennart

    Duh, Virtual Key.

    We call it Voigt-Kampf for short.

  • Car Geek (unregistered) in reply to Steve The Cynic

    NSU Prinz?

  • (cs)

    They're waiting for you, Gordon - in the test machine.

  • (cs) in reply to Steve
    Steve:
    Anonymous:
    Matt Westwood:
    You appear to be one of those cases of arrested adolescence who believe that your masculinity is confirmed by announcing your arrival by having your vehicle make as loud a noise as possible. Excessive noise pollution is a crime in most civilised areas of the world.
    Steve:
    Are you for real?
    PeriSoft:
    Are you for real?
    Beautiful! Well it's been said before but - are you for real Matt Westwood? Because if that wasn't a troll it was a fucking retarded thing to say. I'm currently taking bets, odds are 4:1 that he's a troll and 2:1 he's a retard.
    I'm not really a gambling man but what the hell, I'll put $50 on retard. Should be the easiest 100 bucks I ever made.

    You know, I had no idea I was repeating Steve when I wrote that - but I'm sure that the only reason I wrote it is because I read it previously. It's not the kind of thing I usually write.

    That's kind of scary, actually.

  • Slicerwizard (unregistered) in reply to English Man
    English Man:
    I for one congratulate Alex for the excellent job of proof-reading this article! Best I've seen so far!
    Yeah, there's nothing wrong with "The Test Machine did not hiss, crackle, nor blinked angrily."

    Right?

  • Nick (unregistered) in reply to Anonimoose
    Anonimoose:
    LB:
    Mogri:
    Anonymous:
    I'm currently taking bets, odds are 4:1 that he's a troll and 2:1 he's a retard.
    I'm not a gambling man either, so I'll put a million on each and pray he's a troll.
    Why? You'd lose 750,000 if you won just that bet and lost the other.

    Actually, he would lose 1.75 mil. He'd put up 2 mil to place both bets, then get 0.25 mil back for winning the troll bet.

    You're forgetting about the original million he gets back.

  • TimB (unregistered)

    After reading this, my mind is made up. I want a Journey tribute band with a Japanese lead singer at my funeral.

Leave a comment on “The Test Machine”

Log In or post as a guest

Replying to comment #:

Log Out

« Return to Article