Recent Feature Articles

May 2011

Design for the Future

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There are dark things lurking in source control. There are blocks of code so twisted and ill-conceived, so warped that any unlucky programmer that happens upon them is sent screaming and gibbering to the pages of a CodeSOD. There are also subtle horrors; evil squirming things that lurk beneath simple, normal facades. Or perhaps not so normal; beware what waits inside a VB6 front end and a DCOM back end.

Rick had once browsed through some application code to estimate some minor upgrade to the Contract Manager application. The code, of course, was a proxy for documentation that didn't exist. There wasn't much to it; a small server side DCOM library with a handful of classes and a VB6 client with a small army of pretty straight-forward looking screens. In production, the client and server would communicate across a moderately slow WAN. He made his assessment and forgot all about it. The customer decided the changes weren't worth the cost, and Rick didn't hear of the application for some time.


Bring Some Gloves, Finding the G-spot, and More Support Stories

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High-tech Office Equipment (from Mike E)
One of my favorite support tickets:

******************************************************
* TICKET #BX-4314321      *CLOSED*        2009-05-18 *
******************************************************
*                                                    *
* ASSIGNED  : Michael E-----                         *
* DEPT CODE : T1-SUP                                 *
* CUSTOMER  : Mary L------                           *
* HARDWARE  : Other - "Stapler?"                     *
* RESOLUTION: CLOSED-WITHDISPATCH                    *
*                                                    *
*                                                    *
* __ ISSUE __                                        *
*                                                    *
*   Mary called me direct to request that I or some- *
*   body in IT unplug the electric stapler that was  *
*   on her desk.                                     *
*                                                    *
* __ TROUBLESHOOTING __                              *
*                                                    *
*   #2009-05-18 9:33 AM #                            *
*   I advised that she can safely unplug the stapler *
*   by locating power cord. She was not comfortable  *
*   with performing those steps.                     *
*                                                    *
*   #2009-05-18 12:40 PM#                            *
*   Unplugged stapler and placed it on her desk, as  *
*   she was at lunch.  Will re-open ticket if she    *
*   requires help plugging it back in.               *
*                                                    *
******************************************************

The Brains of the Operation

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It was 10:30PM and Felix had finally arrived home after a long day at the office. As he entered his apartment, the amber glow of his machine's new message light greeted him. He hit play.

"Felix! Where have you been?!" the voice opened with faux-casual enthusiasm, "listen - I've got a great gig for you! It's a legal services firm, and they're looking for a fresh-thinking problem-solver to help them leverage their IT infrastructure to maximum efficiency. Give me a call, we'll make it happen! Ciao."


Disgruntled Bomb: Java Edition

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A little while back, we had a Bring Your own Code called The Disgruntled Bomb that sought to answer, "what is the worst thing a disgruntled employee could leave behind in the source code?"

The comments were great and featured all sorts of solutions. Most were in C and C++, but there were few unique ones like a cronjob and even an incredible one-liner for .NET.


The Special Test Page

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Among the fringe benefits offered by John Ashby's company was the "employee discount purchase program." It's commonplace in many large organizations, and basically allows employees to use the company's bulk-buying discounts for personal computers and the like. The prices were rarely that great, especially when compared with what one could get at the local office warehouse with a coupon, but no matter – it was a popular program, especially for managers, and especially for their printers.

The year was 1998, and digital photography was entering the realm of upper-middleclass hobby. Costing a mere $699.99, the Sony Digital Mavica captured images at a stunning 0.3 megapixels and stored them on 3.5” floppy disk using its integrated disk drive. It was the must-have toy, and nearly all of the managers had one.


Classic WTF: Faulty by Design

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Faulty by Design was originally published on December 4th, 2007.


After 18 long months, it was finally time to celebrate. David M. and his fellow dev team members received word that their latest build had passed QA testing and was ready for delivery.


The Might of the PEN

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Today's article may seem like a Classic WTF-- but only if you were at Penguicon.  If you were there, you got to hear me do a live reading of these article during The Daily WTF: Unplugged. And if you weren't there, then here's your chance to read it in today's The Daily WTF: Unplugged: Plugged Back In. I'd like to thank the fine folks at Penguicon for having Alex and I as guests. The entire convention was a blast!

Oh, and apologies in advance if you're hoping for a Frist. Someone in the audience already called dibs on that.



Classic WTF: The Intermittent Hum

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Between Penguicon, SODEC, and an unusually hectic week at work prepping for a new release of BuildMaster, I didn't get a chance to do a new article today. But, I do have a fun classic: The Intermittent Hum was originally published on December 3rd, 2007.


R. Young got his first job as a developer right out of college. He was a Programmer Consultant I, which meant that he'd be sent to a client site to fix bugs in some old system. But on his first assignment, he got lucky: the client actually wanted him and the junior-level programmer to develop a small application.