• (cs)

    Well, just throttle their download speed then. Not sure what else you can do to defy the rules of the technology.

  • Anonymous Coard (unregistered)

    Something wrong with your R key champ?

    Doesn't the A in ADSL stand for Asymmetric?

    [Editors Note: Fixed -- it a transcription error on my part]

  • Unklegwar (unregistered)

    <font face="Times New Roman">Ha. Had to do it. Apparently I need more to do here.

    Saw this one coming at:</font>

    Subject        Upload taking longer than download


    <font face="Times New Roman">
    Of course, what's an ASYNCHRONOUS Dsl connection? I have an ASYMMETRIC DSL connection, wonder if that's the same thing?

    </font>

  • Anonymous Coward (unregistered) in reply to Anonymous Coard

    Clearly something is rong ith my W key.

  • LizardFoot (unregistered)

    The problem is the moron who wrote the trouble ticket. 

    A quick slap in the face with wet trout would have fixed his problem.



  • An apprentice (unregistered)
    Alex Papadimoulis:
    I'll leave it as an exercise for the reader to envision the coding required for Carl to resolved the problem.

    An Enterprise solution is of course to sprinkle sleep()s on the downloading module. And voila, one more happy customer!

    True, the stupidity is horrifying, but I've seen better 'A Support Call From Hell' stories.

  • (cs)

    <FONT face=Tahoma size=2>Hmmm maybe they should just suggest they google ASYNCHRONOUS DSL. Of course I don't always expect the customer to understand the "tech" side of things, however the real WTF is that engineering missed this one. If an engineer dosn't understand that ADSL download speeds are faster than upload... well FIRE THEM!</FONT>

  • (cs) in reply to LizardFoot

    Time to sell the customer on a VDSL or a T1 service, methinks.

  • my name is missing (unregistered) in reply to LizardFoot

    Clearly the correct solution is to fix the internet, now!

  • Gaylord Focker (unregistered)

    Actually, the solution is simple, just ask the client "Can you show me a web site where the upload and download times are the same?  I would like to talk to that company's tech manager to resolve this issue."  Since they will never come back to you, you can safely close the ticket.

  • (cs)

    The true WTF is that Carl was the first one in the chain of knowledge that knew upload speeds are almost always slower than download speeds on any broadband connection. WTF.

  • (cs) in reply to GoatCheez
    GoatCheez:
    The true WTF is that Carl was the first one in the chain of knowledge that knew upload speeds are almost always slower than download speeds on any broadband connection. WTF.
    Not true at all. He was just the first one in the line of people to be "Sacrificial goat" today.
  • awefawfeawfe (unregistered) in reply to GoatCheez

    Bah.  I just had to explain this very problem to someone.  They complained that it took them forever to upload, and what could I do to fix it.  I told him to get an internet connection that has the same up/down bandwidth.

  • Adrian (unregistered)

    Ask paula to write a "upload crompression module"...

  • Colin (unregistered) 
    "Problem only exists at locations with an
    asynchronous DSL connection."

    I wish I had tickets where the submitter solved the problem for me!

    So out of Carl's entire company (that is presumably technical oriented) had no clue what ADSL is?  Furthermore, no one could make the extrapolation that if only ADSL customers having problems then it might be the fact that they are ADSL customers?  Heck, no one in the entire company has ever had ADSL and knows the up and down speeds are different?

    Not even the engineers?

    As a side note: what's most amusing is that once technology enters the picture then most non-technology people's common sense, deductive reasoning, and general intelligence seem to disappear.

    I think the CAPTCHA test of "clueless" is quit fitting for this post.
  • Jimbo (unregistered) in reply to Volmarias

    Haha, Googling "asymmetric DSL" and clicking "I'm feeling luckey" would answer all their questions.

    However since this guy has to FIX something for his customers to be happy, he's probably going to have to do something either unethical (aka sleep()) or inform his customers what google is for, possibly loosing his job.

    If I was him they'd be throttled down to 640k downloads.

  • Eli (unregistered)

    shrug

    I once had to explain to a big client that the reason a certain image was not loading on a website was not part of a plot to sell him defective modems and then run up bills fixing them.  He didn't really believe me, but eventually backed down. The funny part was that the image that wasn't loading on the site he was trying to read was a banner ad.


  • Ash (unregistered)

    I can't tell if you "asymmetric" guys are stupid or playing that way... the upload and download speeds are THE SAME. The upload speed is numerically larger because the upload file is 4x the size.

  • xix (unregistered) in reply to Gaylord Focker

    I worked at a helpdesk where we got that kind of thing a lot, from people working remotely on laptops who would plug in to phone jacks while on the road... one memory:

    User: My dialup is really slow
    Me: Is this the line you tried dialing in with?
    User: Yeah, why?
    Me: Well, I can barely understand you with the static and hissing and noise on the line
    User: Yeah, the motel line is noisy, but that wouldn't affect my laptop would it?
    Me:.... not at all, send it in and we'll see about getting you the logic-defeating-modem-upgrade installed.


  • (cs)

    This reminds me the problem presentet to me by my teacher :

    You are given a bi-directional internet connection 10MB/s in both ways and non-deterministic Turring's machine. How to achieve 20MB/s download bandwidth?

    ..and the solution did not relay on high price you can get by selling this mythical machine.

  • (cs) in reply to Ash
    Anonymous:
    I can't tell if you "asymmetric" guys are stupid or playing that way... the upload and download speeds are THE SAME. The upload speed is numerically larger because the upload file is 4x the size.


    Umm.... No.

  • PessiMister (unregistered)

    Unfortunately this sounds very fake. Slow news day?

  • (cs) in reply to Ash

    Anonymous:
    I can't tell if you "asymmetric" guys are stupid or playing that way... the upload and download speeds are THE SAME. The upload speed is numerically larger because the upload file is 4x the size.

    You must suffer from CRI syndrome (Cranial Rectal Inversion). Read the post again!

       1Meg Upload -  40 sec
      4Meg Upload - 160 sec

      1Meg Download -  8 sec
      4Meg Download - 30 sec

    Seems to me you need to go back to reading comprehension. On another note take my earlier suggestion and google ADSL you will find that the upload/download speeds are not the same that is SDSL.

    Geeez -

  • (cs)

    Solution:

    Replace your f***in' ADSL with a f***in' T1 line.

    Now go the f*** away.

  • (cs) in reply to PessiMister

    Anonymous:
    Unfortunately this sounds very fake. Slow news day?

     

    I believe it.

    Non-techies are f***in' stupid.

  • Tei (unregistered) in reply to qbolec

    This remind me games with the lame tag:
    "Gameplay may suffer changes on internet connection" or something alike.

    A good fix for the actual WTF can be to explain in userland words the problem as text. Then add that text to the official online FAQ. Then send the client a link to this FAQ line. Or quote the FAQ line and add the link.

    Then the client will think "Ooops!, I am a idiot!, and everyone already know that sutff about upload/download speed but me".

    Anyway me think that its very easy to enhance upload speed for your clients, because your clients will not send random sets of bits. But document alike of actual document you have on your server. So If you make a pattern dictionary of data on your HD. And use that, maybe you can build a rsync alike compression-communication algorithm.

    Yet another approach can be to automatically continuisly send microupdates of a "shared" folder from the client computer to a server. So the server folder is synced with the client one. 

    The sleep idea seems a tricky workaround that may fail, imho.
    --Tei

    captcha: initech<-- Its that captchads?

  • Anon Coward (unregistered) in reply to GoatCheez

    GoatCheez:
    Anonymous:
    I can't tell if you "asymmetric" guys are stupid or playing that way... the upload and download speeds are THE SAME. The upload speed is numerically larger because the upload file is 4x the size.


    Umm.... No.

    I think that was an asymmetric joke, where it is funnier to upload the joke than it is to download it.  (ok, maybe this one too).

  • Drum D. (unregistered)

    How horrible is it to lose a contract because the shit-stupid customer has not the slightest knowledge about the technology he uses.
    This ticket should have been sent to the CTO/CIO of the customer with the proposal to fire the idiot who raised it.

  • The Anonymous Coward (unregistered) in reply to Ash

    Anonymous:
    I can't tell if you "asymmetric" guys are stupid or playing that way... the upload and download speeds are THE SAME. The upload speed is numerically larger because the upload file is 4x the size.

    WTF...?

    I think you better go re-read the original post, chief.

  • (cs) in reply to Adrian

    Anonymous:
    Ask paula to write a "upload crompression module"...

    Crom laughs at your transfer times. He laughs from his mountain.

  • (cs) in reply to GoatCheez
    GoatCheez:
    Anonymous:
    I can't tell if you "asymmetric" guys are stupid or playing that way... the upload and download speeds are THE SAME. The upload speed is numerically larger because the upload file is 4x the size.


    Umm.... No.



    Perhaps it's safe to say he's being funny?
  • The previous owner (unregistered)

    As the one who received the bug, when I first got this one I immediately set it to "not a bug" explaining it.

    However the person who reported the bug couldn't believe it and it took a week to finally resolve it.

    And kudos to Alex for removing my last name ;-).

  • Dazed (unregistered) in reply to Anon Coward
    Anonymous:
    I think that was an asymmetric joke, where it is funnier to upload the joke than it is to download it.  (ok, maybe this one too).

    Well, it made me laugh! :-)

  • The previous owner (unregistered) in reply to PessiMister

    100% true: the people posting it were at a remote office (whose location was removed by Alex).

  • John Hensley (unregistered) in reply to qbolec
    qbolec:

    This reminds me the problem presentet to me by my teacher :

    You are given a bi-directional internet connection 10MB/s in both ways and non-deterministic Turring's machine. How to achieve 20MB/s download bandwidth?

    ..and the solution did not relay on high price you can get by selling this mythical machine.


    Put the NTM at the receiving end. Have the sender send half the data bits while the NTM guesses the other half and uploads them. At the end, the sender confirms that the NTM guessed its half correctly.

    Right?

    I hope this problem wasn't on an exam, it's a head-spinner.

  • Zygo Blaxell (unregistered) in reply to Gaylord Focker
    Anonymous:
    Actually, the solution is simple, just ask the client "Can you show me a web site where the upload and download times are the same? I would like to talk to that company's tech manager to resolve this issue." Since they will never come back to you, you can safely close the ticket.

    And you can bet he'll come back with a web site where the upload and download speeds are both 4KB/s, regardless of size of file.

    ;-)

  • Me (unregistered) in reply to Jojosh_the_Pi
    Jojosh_the_Pi:
    GoatCheez:
    Anonymous:
    I can't tell if you "asymmetric" guys are stupid or playing that way... the upload and download speeds are THE SAME. The upload speed is numerically larger because the upload file is 4x the size.


    Umm.... No.



    Perhaps it's safe to say he's being funny?


    How? As in funny haha or funny weirdo?

    If he's funny haha, please let me in on the joke.
  • (cs) in reply to Zygo Blaxell

    employers should come here not to view WTFs to avoid and help them not hire idiots.  they should come here and read all the comments so they can take note of all the people that haven't a freaking clue how to deal with customers so they can make sure not to hire them.  obviously a 2 minute phone call could have solved this.  granted it's stupid that noone before carl solved the problem.

  • th0mas (unregistered)

    Solution is simple: slow down the download speeds, buffer every byte with 3 padding bytes.

  • Me (unregistered) in reply to tster
    tster:
    employers should come here not to view WTFs to avoid and help them not hire idiots.  they should come here and read all the comments so they can take note of all the people that haven't a freaking clue how to deal with customers so they can make sure not to hire them.  obviously a 2 minute phone call could have solved this.  granted it's stupid that noone before carl solved the problem.


    I really doubt Carl solved the problem.
    He found the cause.

    Nitpicking, I know.
  • SnapShot (unregistered) in reply to th0mas

    That just leads to a new bug report where the download speads are 4 times slower when the client is using a symmetric internet connection.

    Education is the only solution to this WTF.

  • (cs) in reply to th0mas

    Anonymous:
    Solution is simple: slow down the download speeds, buffer every byte with 3 padding bytes.

    LOL  let me get this straight, In order to fix a bug that is not a bug I need to ....

    1. Modify my code base
    2. Check in my code to some source control with an appropriate label
    3. Go thru complete regression testing (ignoring the fact that I have crippled performance)
    4. Pass of to QA testing
    5. Deploy to production (or build installs for customers).

    Oh thats right you don't have some form of Source Control or testing...and you think that this post was a WTF. 

  • (cs) in reply to The previous owner

    Previous Owner:


    However the person who reported the bug couldn't believe it and it took a week to finally resolve it.

    Let me explain this in way you understand: You see, when you upload, the computer has to push the bits upward, and let me tell you, when you're talking millions of bits, it gets heavy. When you download, the bits just fall by gravity, so it's much faster (we provided you with some remarkable cushioning functions that prevent damage to your data).

    Non-ADSL? They use helium. That's why it's more expensive.

    --Rank

  • SnapShot (unregistered) in reply to SnapShot
    Anonymous:
    That just leads to a new bug report where the download speads are 4 times slower when the client is using a symmetric internet connection.

    Education is the only solution to this WTF.


    This was supposed to be a follow up to the post that said: just pad the download with 3 bytes for every "real" byte of data.
  • Forgottenlord (unregistered) in reply to GoatCheez

    GoatCheez:
    The true WTF is that Carl was the first one in the chain of knowledge that knew upload speeds are almost always slower than download speeds on any broadband connection. WTF.

    For the record (and I know I'm going to get hounded by this), I'm a Software Engineering student, and I didn't know that.  Could I have suspected it, I actually did, done a bit of research to figure it out, probably.  However, not all Engineers are willing to go to that trouble nor are all Engineers in all fields going to be able to extrapolate to come to that assumption - partly because their base knowledge might not be so good.

    And if you think that was bad, my first year Physics course, I was grouped together with two girls in the lab, we were all Engineers, and I was the only one comfortable with computers.  They're both still in Engineering - one's even in Computer Engineering.

  • (cs) in reply to Rank Amateur
    Rank Amateur:

    Previous Owner:


    However the person who reported the bug couldn't believe it and it took a week to finally resolve it.

    Let me explain this in way you understand: You see, when you upload, the computer has to push the bits upward, and let me tell you, when you're talking millions of bits, it gets heavy. When you download, the bits just fall by gravity, so it's much faster (we provided you with some remarkable cushioning functions that prevent damage to your data).

    Non-ADSL? They use helium. That's why it's more expensive.

    --Rank


    ROFLMAO!!!!! That made my day! Thanks!!!! LOL!!!!
  • JoeBloggs (unregistered) in reply to It's a Feature
    It's a Feature:

    Solution:

    Replace your f***in' ADSL with a f***in' T1 line.

    Now go the f*** away.

    Why would I want to reduce my already-slow upload speed? Compared to ADSL, a T1 is a slow connection.

  • DGM (unregistered)

    This would be why I got out of the ISP business.

  • DGM (unregistered) in reply to PessiMister
    Anonymous:
    Unfortunately this sounds very fake. Slow news day?


    Never worked in the ISP biz, have you?
  • (cs) in reply to Coughptcha
    Coughptcha:
    Time to sell the customer on a VDSL or a T1 service, methinks.


    Preferably two, so they can have a backup if the first one breaks down.

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