• Mr Support (unregistered) in reply to WhiskeyJack
    WhiskeyJack:

    Kids these days...

    As someone else mentioned, all it would take is someone who is either sufficiently nerdy, or sufficiently old to remember (or just be aware of!) the days when QWERTY vs Dvorak was actually a real choice that people could make. Now that computers are so completely ubiquitous, and 99.99999% of them have QWERTY keyboards, it would be easy for a young'n to grow up never realizing that there was ever any other way.

    There are those of us who use QWERTZ, it's totally different.

  • BlueCollarAstronaut (unregistered)

    I didn't realized Macs don't have "My Computer". I guess in that case, you would just need to open the the DOS prompt then...

  • (username *)me (unregistered)

    I'm sad to say it but "Mr. Internet" and other similar stories always reminds me of the main newspaper where I live :(

    Normally I don't read it but someone else in my house had bought it one day(don't ask me why - such a waste of $1) so I was going to read the scraps until I read the front page, I don't remember the exact title, but it was about the outrage over trolls on facebook memorial pages and the "vigilantes" that kept the pages safe.

    I have never felt so alone as when I though to myself "don't feed the trolls".

    Please don't point out that I may in fact be feeding the trolls.

  • Joe (unregistered) in reply to TheCPUWizard
    Comment held for moderation.
  • Randy (unregistered) in reply to The Internet

    And my best friend came in from out of town.

  • (cs) in reply to BlueCollarAstronaut
    BlueCollarAstronaut:
    I didn't realized Macs don't have "My Computer". I guess in that case, you would just need to open the the DOS prompt then...

    I like to use Terminal, which brings me to a bash shell.

    (At least, I think it's bash. I know it was tcsh back in the days of OS X 10.2 "Jaguar", but I believe it's bash by default ever since 10.3 "Panther". See how Macs hide the details and make us users complacent... can't even recall what shell I've been using all these years.)

  • Asiago Chow (unregistered)

    Gotta say it...

    CLEAR is the most frustrating and unreliable garbage service in existence. Unstable, slow, and I need another word for unstable because one just doesn't capture it. I never understood the desire to physically destroy computer equipment until I encountered CLEAR and I've been in this industry (and frequently frustrated) since the late '80s.

    So I'm not surprised at all by the third story.

  • A Gould (unregistered) in reply to Tomage
    Tomage:
    Wouldn't need a "Genius™" for that - only a seasoned nerd. Apple sometimes is too glossy for my tastes...

    Keep in mind that regardless of the marketing, you're still talking to an entry-level helpdesk person. Anyone who qualifies as a "seasoned nerd" is probably overqualified to work as a "Genius" (This isn't meant as a jab at anyone in particular - Dell hires customer service reps to man their tech support lines. Apparently it's more cost efficient to train friendly people to follow scripts than hire people who know about computers.)

  • Anonymous (unregistered) in reply to Zep--
    Zep--:
    I like the way you comment your comments. If you use a block level comment you can stick a line level comment inside it, and then you'll have a comment in your comment in your comment.

    // I'm sure someone will rehash the old Xzibit meme now. // But I'm not stooping to that level, thank you very much.

    /*

    //Hey Dawg, I herd you like comments so I put a comment in //your comment so you can comment when you comment!

    */

    Ah, there it is!! I knew I could rely on you guys...

  • monkeyPushButton (unregistered) in reply to Warren
    Warren:
    I tell you, it's not just my name that comes up on an internet search. I've had results for my home town, porn and thedailywtf.com. Please could you arrange for these to be removed from the internet. Thank you.
    Wait. There's porn on the internet. Who knew?
  • Brad (unregistered)

    I think the real WTF is that, when confronted with a keyboard that physically works, but consistently types the wrong things, an Apple Store "Genius" (or any tech for that matter) doesn't think to check the keyboard layout!

  • SR (unregistered) in reply to Mr Support
    Mr Support:
    There are those of us who use QWERTZ, it's totally different.

    16.66667% different < totally different

  • (cs) in reply to WhiskeyJack
    WhiskeyJack:
    Now that computers are so completely ubiquitous, and 99.99999% of them have QWERTY keyboards, it would be easy for a young'n to grow up never realizing that there was ever any other way.

    We still know about keyboard layouts though. Having spent most of my life dealing with OSes that don't realise that "I live in the UK" probably means I want the UK version of the layout, the first thought that comes to mind when you press a button and something else appears is "oh, the layout's wrong again".

  • usitas (unregistered) in reply to SR
    SR:
    Mr Support:
    There are those of us who use QWERTZ, it's totally different.

    16.66667% different < totally different

    83.33333% of the time it works every time.

  • C. Format (unregistered)

    Help, I just clicked on my name and lost all my files!

  • Anonymous (unregistered) in reply to Kemp
    Kemp:
    WhiskeyJack:
    Now that computers are so completely ubiquitous, and 99.99999% of them have QWERTY keyboards, it would be easy for a young'n to grow up never realizing that there was ever any other way.

    We still know about keyboard layouts though. Having spent most of my life dealing with OSes that don't realise that "I live in the UK" probably means I want the UK version of the layout, the first thought that comes to mind when you press a button and something else appears is "oh, the layout's wrong again".

    Another UK resident here and yes, you are completely right. First thing that needs to happen on any new installation is changing the keyboard layout from US to UK. Standard practice for all new setups.

  • tragomaskhalos (unregistered) in reply to AndrewB
    AndrewB:
    I use Dvorak. Seriously.
    Extra kudos if your physical keyboard is QWERTY.
  • Tiigon (unregistered) in reply to tragomaskhalos
    tragomaskhalos:
    AndrewB:
    I use Dvorak. Seriously.
    Extra kudos if your physical keyboard is QWERTY.
    I have a keyboard with no letters on it :) And I'm using Dvorak too.
  • Alexander Temerev (unregistered)

    It is 'dscacheutil -flushcache' for the Mac guy. I hope he reads it. :)

  • (cs) in reply to PeriSoft
    PeriSoft:
    CUSTOMER : 84125, James A------

    James Asshole?

    I'm surrounded by assholes!

  • Tom (unregistered) in reply to ubersoldat
    ubersoldat:
    ...Oh! And calling some ISP Help Desk and not using Windows is useless. Better save the pennies.
    Oh! And calling some ISP Help Desk [strike]and not using Windows[/strike] is useless. Better save the pennies.

    Any way to do strike-through here? Maybe I should call my ISP's helpdesk.

  • Dave A (unregistered) in reply to rudraigh
    rudraigh:
    dpm:
    The Internet is located at
    1060 West Addison Street
    Chicago, IL 60657
    

    Sheesh, I thought everyone knew that by now.

    Ok ... I just had to. I typed Internet into Google Maps and the top result was ...

    Apple Computer 1 Infinite Loop Cupertino, CA 95014

    How does Steve Jobs DO this?!?

    You must live around Cupertino or Google can't identify your whereabouts. When I search 'Internet' on Google maps I get a bunch of local firms related to the internet.

    CAPTCHA: modo - the estranged brother of that famous hobbit

  • (cs) in reply to dpm
    dpm:
    The Internet is located at
    1060 West Addison Street
    Chicago, IL 60657
    

    Sheesh, I thought everyone knew that by now.

    Last I checked, the Internet was kept in Big Ben. Alas, the Council of Elders will not forward calls to it.

  • Crash (unregistered)

    I have to agree with all the comments about the first story. If you didn't think of the keyboard layout within the first few lines (or first few keystrokes if you're actually working on the computer) then you need to reevaluate your computer knowledge.

    Don't get me wrong, it doesn't surprise me that a Genius didn't know much about the computer, they are entry-level helpdesk, after all. I had a friend that hated macs with a passion and walked into a mac store and used the 'reverse screen colors' shortcut on a whole slew of the computers. He got kicked out and the Geniuses couldn't figure out how to get it back.

  • Zapp Brannigan (unregistered) in reply to Zep--
    Zep--:
    I like the way you comment your comments. If you use a block level comment you can stick a line level comment inside it, and then you'll have a comment in your comment in your comment.

    // I'm sure someone will rehash the old Xzibit meme now. // But I'm not stooping to that level, thank you very much.

    /*

    //Hey Dawg, I herd you like comments so I put a comment in //your comment so you can comment when you comment!

    */

    If the comments in the comment are commented out, does that mean they should be ignored? And what about the commented out commented out comments in the comment?

  • Mr. Internet (unregistered)

    Dear Sir or Madam,

    We are in receipt of your request to have your name removed from the tubes. This can be easily accomplished within 48 hours of receipt of the following information:

    Your credit card number?

    Expiration date?

    Billing address?

    Thank you, The Internet

  • PITA (unregistered) in reply to Tiigon
    Tiigon:
    tragomaskhalos:
    AndrewB:
    I use Dvorak. Seriously.
    Extra kudos if your physical keyboard is QWERTY.
    I have a keyboard with no letters on it :) And I'm using Dvorak too.
    I repeatedly smash my face on the desk, but I'm not that proud to brag about it.
  • Dr. Evil (unregistered) in reply to Mr. Internet
    Mr. Internet:
    Dear Sir or Madam,

    We are in receipt of your request to have your name removed from the tubes. This can be easily accomplished within 48 hours of receipt of the following information:

    Your credit card number?

    Expiration date?

    Billing address?

    Thank you, The Internet

    WIN!!

  • Tech Support (unregistered)

    Dear Sir or Madam,

    Please click the filter.exe attachment to this email. After completing the upgrade procedure, you will no longer see your name on the Internet.

    Thank you, Tech Support

  • (cs)

    REM <!-- /* REM # ' // Whenever I start typing on one of the school computers and gibberish comes out REM # ' // (different letters, diacritic marks, I've even seen Russian characters once), REM # ' // the first thing I think of is "which idiot switched the layout again?". REM */ -->

  • Tech Support (unregistered)

    Dear Sir or Madam,

    For those customers who do not have Windows, please connect to our Citrix server farm where you may obtain a temporary My Computer icon to help you complete the DNS refresh procedure.

    Thank you, Tech Support

  • Quirky (unregistered)

    So, if I type the letter "A" on my Dvorak keyboard, why doesn't it just send an "A" down the wire to my computer?

    Oh, I get it. My keyboard says "Hey Mr. Computer, he just pushed the key on row 4 column 2" and the keyboard driver looks it up (in the wrong table) and says "Oh, that must be an 'A'!"

    Because, who knows, they might come out with "soft keyboards" (TM) someday with little LEDs in each key so you could remap your keyboard as often as you want (i.e. never) and the keyboard just wouldn't know which letter you pushed, so it has to send the position code. Makes perfect sense now.

  • (cs) in reply to AndrewB
    AndrewB:
    I use Dvorak. Seriously.
    So... Not just for laughs?
  • James Rose (unregistered)
    Comment held for moderation.
  • (cs) in reply to Warren
    Warren:
    I tell you, it's not just my name that comes up on an internet search. I've had results for my home town, porn and thedailywtf.com. Please could you arrange for these to be removed from the internet. Thank you.
    Why do you want to remove porn, thedailywtf.com, and your home town from the internet?
  • The Bytemaster (unregistered) in reply to Quirky
    Comment held for moderation.
  • (cs) in reply to Quirky
    Quirky:
    Because, who knows, they might come out with "soft keyboards" (TM) someday with little LEDs in each key...

    Hey, if you can afford it: http://www.thinkgeek.com/computing/keyboards-mice/9836/

    No, this isn't spam.

  • Matt P (unregistered)

    Sure, it's funny, but how can any decent help desk let "Client not satisfied with resolution." be the end of the story? Next we'll be getting:

    Client reported that Outlook crashed when he tried to send an email with an attachment. I told him to stop sucking at life and emailed him a picture of goatse just to show that I wasn't having that problem. Client not satisfied with resolution.

  • LenL (unregistered) in reply to Anonymous
    Anonymous:
    How to count in Dvorak:

    7 5 3 1 9 0 2 4 6 8

    Coffee: meet nostrils. (You owe me a new keyboard.)

  • MikeCD (unregistered) in reply to Tomage
    Tomage:
    Wouldn't need a "Genius™" for that - only a seasoned nerd. Apple sometimes is too glossy for my tastes...
    Not sure I'd want a "seasoned nerd" working in retail though.
  • Cluebot (unregistered) in reply to Matt P
    Matt P:
    how can any decent help desk let "Client not satisfied with resolution." be the end of the story?
    So, Mr. T. Roll, how do you propose to satisfy a customer who wants you, personally, to change the entire Internet to suit his demands?

    Shoot him?

    Customer no longer complaining.

  • True Story (unregistered)

    I had a walk-in customer, over 65 and over 200 pounds (though that doesn't prove anything, I guess) whose ISP at home was no longer accepting connections from his 300 Baud acoustic modem or something like that. We spent 20 minutes with me explaining that my management had assigned me to support the company owned computers in this building and he would have to contact his ISP, and him replying at ever increasing volume that I was not providing satisfactory customer service. Finally he went away.

    ...and came back to repeat the performance, about twice a week, for the next couple months.

    So what do you do? Raise the issue to management? I did. They were quite consistent in their response. We don't support that. But I tried every way I knew to lodge that concept in said customer's brain, and I might as well have been speaking Plutonian.

  • Quirkafleeg (unregistered) in reply to BBT
    Comment held for moderation.
  • Quirkafleeg (unregistered) in reply to WhiskeyJack
    WhiskeyJack:
    Now that computers are so completely ubiquitous, and 99.99999% of them have QWERTY keyboards, it would be easy for a young'n to grow up never realizing that there was ever any other way.
    I imagine that AZERTY or QWERTZ might be popular in some countries.
  • Quirkafleeg (unregistered) in reply to Zapp Brannigan
    Zapp Brannigan:
    If the comments in the comment are commented out, does that mean they should be ignored? And what about the commented out commented out comments in the comment?
    No comment.
  • BBT (unregistered) in reply to Quirkafleeg
    Comment held for moderation.
  • somedudenamedbob (unregistered) in reply to Remy Porter
    Remy Porter:
    AndrewB:
    I use Dvorak. Seriously.

    Me too.

    I like it. I'm not going to get religious about it, though- the scientific evidence that it's actually superior is rather poor. Any advantages to it are rather minor, at best. But I like it, as a matter of personal preference.

    The day I decided to switch, though- it was like I had a stroke or something. My brain railed against it, "I used to know how to do this, and suddenly I've forgotten how to type! ARRRRRRGGGGG"

    It was unpleasant, for about a week.

    You think that's rough? At least you're still typing in English. Try learning to type in another language with completely different characters. Heck, even try typing for layouts used in countries such as France. They even have French Dvorak. In the grand scheme of typing, the QWERTY vs. Dvorak debate seems like a huge waste of time.

  • somedudenamedbob (unregistered) in reply to Lorne Kates
    Lorne Kates:
    dpm:
    The Internet is located at
    1060 West Addison Street
    Chicago, IL 60657
    

    Sheesh, I thought everyone knew that by now.

    Last I checked, the Internet was kept in Big Ben. Alas, the Council of Elders will not forward calls to it.

    I thought Al Gore was the Internet. He certainly welcomes calls.

  • (cs) in reply to WhiskeyJack
    WhiskeyJack:

    Kids these days...

    As someone else mentioned, all it would take is someone who is either sufficiently nerdy, or sufficiently old to remember (or just be aware of!) the days when QWERTY vs Dvorak was actually a real choice that people could make. Now that computers are so completely ubiquitous, and 99.99999% of them have QWERTY keyboards, it would be easy for a young'n to grow up never realizing that there was ever any other way.

    Yea, not to forget the 'god old dos days' where you had to manually edit the autoexec.bat and config.sys file to select the correct keyboard layout.

    Wich incidentlyt could be used for quite some fun if someone left a computer at a shop keyboard locked, but turned on with a keyboard there ('unlock keyboard and press F1 to resume' bios message) and you had a keyboard key with you (they were all identical). Then you could change the layout to something like finnish or german or similar, whrere most of the keys are at their correct place, but not all... Ahh great fun... :-) (that could also be done over the network if some jerk had shared his c-drive rw to the world..... gasp).

    Yazeran

    Plan: To go to Mars one day with a hammer

  • (cs) in reply to Anonymous
    Anonymous:
    Kemp:
    WhiskeyJack:
    Now that computers are so completely ubiquitous, and 99.99999% of them have QWERTY keyboards, it would be easy for a young'n to grow up never realizing that there was ever any other way.

    We still know about keyboard layouts though. Having spent most of my life dealing with OSes that don't realise that "I live in the UK" probably means I want the UK version of the layout, the first thought that comes to mind when you press a button and something else appears is "oh, the layout's wrong again".

    Another UK resident here and yes, you are completely right. First thing that needs to happen on any new installation is changing the keyboard layout from US to UK. Standard practice for all new setups.

    I usually find it's second. Off the top of my head from when I last reinstalled windows:

    1. Set location to UK
    2. Change keyboard to UK (can't it guess? I've already said I'm in the UK!)
    3. Timezone - London/GB - Hello! In the UK! I don't want my clock set to GMT-8!

    Come on! I've said I'm in the UK! Can't it guess the next two settings based on that?

Leave a comment on “Mr. Keyboard, Mr. Internet, and Support from Mr. James”

Log In or post as a guest

Replying to comment #:

« Return to Article