• SQZ (unregistered)

    When the comments are more interesting than the story... anybody else still waiting for the punch line?

  • Nigel (unregistered)

    We don't do punchlines, they cost extra.

  • Fritz, a.k.a. Fritzo (unregistered) in reply to SQZ
    SQZ:
    When the comments are more interesting than the story... anybody else still waiting for the punch line?

    Oh you actually still read the stories? Mind giving the rest of us the gist of it?

  • Ana (unregistered)

    Did you want me to read this or sit in comments all day?

  • Bigus Dickus (unregistered) in reply to Fritz, a.k.a. Fritzo
    Fritz:
    SQZ:
    When the comments are more interesting than the story... anybody else still waiting for the punch line?

    Oh you actually still read the stories? Mind giving the rest of us the gist of it?

    Pee-pee, doo-doo, Nigel is a bad coder.

  • There was a punch line (unregistered)

    Andy was going to recommend a 3rd party punch line, but Nigel said he could write his own, which will be delivered in about 4 months.

    It will be 33% funnier than the previous punch line.

  • Moo (unregistered)

    The capital of Germany is Berlin.

  • Balu (unregistered)

    Well, that's one line of code per record...

  • Fred (unregistered) in reply to Balu
    Balu:
    Well, that's one line of code per record...

    That sounds like the thinking of a machine to me.

  • David (unregistered)

    There is no punchline. That got cut in the budget meeting, in favour of outlining a well-trodden outsourcing underdelivery scenario and the typical solution to the problems.

    It's not funny, it's reality. Sometimes a friend walks into a lamp post because they were too intent on waving goodbye to a girl. More often they miss the lamp post and the opportunity for humour escapes. Same here.

  • (cs) in reply to Moo
    Moo:
    The capital of Germany is Berlin.
    At least Hanzo did fix issues in his boring stories. Andy does not even do that!
  • (cs)

    I'm not normally one to wonder where the punchline is, but is this part 1 of 2?

    What happened after Andy found out there was only 3000 records being processed? What was causing the slowdown?

    We need answers, people!

  • Neo AKA Neoo (unregistered) in reply to Fred
    Fred:
    Balu:
    Well, that's one line of code per record...

    That sounds like the thinking of a machine to me.

    That's an impressive improvement in funniness compared to the story.

  • WowImpressed (unregistered)

    Rather drop TheDailyWTF to a weekly TheWeeklyWTF and up the quality of the stories. And no, I'm not going to send in my own again; they never get published.

  • Martin (unregistered)

    Frist, they moan about the dumbing down. Then they moan when left to draw their own conclusions. I think the sensible message to take away from this is that people will moan.

    For the hard of thinking, the entire story is littered with WTFs... what do you want, a nice little bullet point list or something?

  • QJo (unregistered) in reply to Martin
    Martin:
    Frist, they moan about the dumbing down. Then they moan when left to draw their own conclusions. I think the sensible message to take away from this is that people will moan.

    For the hard of thinking, the entire story is littered with WTFs... what do you want, a nice little bullet point list or something?

    Yes please. Then we can compare our own analysis with yours.

    (By "compare", I mean be rudely dismissive of your own third-party assumptions and replace them with our own in-house ones which will take, I dunno, about 3 months to finish and only do 300 characters per comment.)

  • Adam (unregistered) in reply to David
    David:
    It's not funny, it's reality. Sometimes a friend walks into a lamp post because they were too intent on waving goodbye to a girl. More often they miss the lamp post and the opportunity for humour escapes. Same here.
    And that's just one of the reasons I don't visit thedailynothinghappened.com. It's not interesting, so it's not worth writing about on a daily internet humour site.

    This story sounded like it was going to be interesting, but then stopped mid flow without any conclusion. Shame.

  • Paulie (unregistered) in reply to Adam

    Totally agree I came here thinking my feed had missed the end of the story off. Meh!

  • Enough Already (unregistered)
    1. They write these stories and publish them for free. Stop being so harsh.
    2. You write/publish these stories for free. Stop publishing ones that aren't funny.
    3. Did you ever hear the one about Nigel and Andy? They go to a meeting and nothing unusual happens. The End.
  • (cs)

    OK, with a whooshing sound over my head, I proceed to explain the joke.

    Consulting firm produces system. It takes 30 minutes to complete.

    Andy grabs a few evaluation licenses and puts together a functional version that handles a few thousand records in milliseconds.

    Nigel the Expert sniffs and walks out. He reworks the system so it takes only 10 minutes.

    Andy looks at how many records the system is handling. It's only a few thousand.

    So Andy's afternoon produced a number of systems that do in milliseconds what and entire consulting firm's do in 30 minutes. and Nigel the Expert's weeks-long effort did in 10 minutes.

  • lol (unregistered) in reply to robbak

    I have to think the story was too subtle for most people.

    Nigel wrote a 3000 line function. Each job transferred 3000 records.

    I hope the correlation is that the 3000 line function simply performed 3000 individual record-copy lines, cutr and pasted together.

    At least, I hope that is what it is.. otherwise its a very dull story indeed.

  • (cs)

    What exactly is a "nosebleed-level executive"? Google turns this article up as the only place it's used...

  • (cs) in reply to dtech
    dtech:
    What exactly is a "nosebleed-level executive"? Google turns this article up as the only place it's used...

    it's a play on nosebleed section:

    wikipedia:
    The nosebleed section (or nosebleed seats) are those seats of a public arena, usually an athletic stadium or gymnasium, that are highest and, usually, farthest from the desired activity.
  • Manfred the Mainely (unregistered) in reply to lol
    lol:

    Nigel wrote a 3000 line function. Each job transferred 3000 records.

    I hope the correlation is that the 3000 line function simply performed 3000 individual record-copy lines, cutr and pasted together.

    This made me chuckle. Whether it's just how plausible it sounds or the fact that it 'Nigel' multiple-weeks to write it.

  • ¯\(°_o)/¯ I DUNNO LOL (unregistered)

    Does anyone know where I can find a hooker who will give me an ETL job? It's a more common kink than you think.

  • (cs) in reply to robbak
    robbak:
    OK, with a whooshing sound over my head, I proceed to explain the joke.

    Consulting firm produces system. It takes 30 minutes to complete.

    Andy grabs a few evaluation licenses and puts together a functional version that handles a few thousand records in milliseconds.

    Nigel the Expert sniffs and walks out. He reworks the system so it takes only 10 minutes.

    Andy looks at how many records the system is handling. It's only a few thousand.

    So Andy's afternoon produced a number of systems that do in milliseconds what and entire consulting firm's do in 30 minutes. and Nigel the Expert's weeks-long effort did in 10 minutes.

    I got the impression it was also implied that 3000 javascript lines were printed to handle specific records.

  • anonymous (unregistered)

    I'm not entirely convinced that this isn't really a heavily anonymised story from inside the Obamacare website rollout.

  • Hasse de great (unregistered) in reply to anonymous

    Time for you to go to your high tea party

  • ZoomST (unregistered) in reply to Adam
    Adam:
    David:
    It's not funny, it's reality. Sometimes a friend walks into a lamp post because they were too intent on waving goodbye to a girl. More often they miss the lamp post and the opportunity for humour escapes. Same here.
    And that's just one of the reasons I don't visit thedailynothinghappened.com. It's not interesting, so it's not worth writing about on a daily internet humour site.

    This story sounded like it was going to be interesting, but then stopped mid flow without any conclusion. Shame.

    The end of the story is pretty clear: <<[...] None of the jobs handled more than 3,000 records at a time. Shortly afterwards, Andy's phone rang. It was Nigel. "Did I tell you about the president's daughter sickness?">> Here, you have it served. No need to thanks.

  • (cs)

    I trust that Andy kept a copy of the contractor's ETL system handy for the next time he had to implement something - switching from the old system to one of his researched alternatives would work even better than a speed-up loop ;)

  • n_slash_a (unregistered) in reply to anonymous
    anonymous:
    I'm not entirely convinced that this isn't really a heavily anonymised story from inside the Obamacare website rollout.
    You think the Obamacare website can handle 3000 records at once?
  • Todd Lewis (unregistered) in reply to WowImpressed
    WowImpressed:
    ... And no, I'm not going to send in my own again; they never get published.
    Mine got published. The point was lost, and it got twisted around so much that I looked like a pompous idiot, but otherwise...
  • Imsoconfused (unregistered)

    What the heck does ETL stand for? I hate it when people use acronyms without defining them in the article, I couldn't even find one appropriate on acronymfinder.com:

    Early Termination Liability? Eat-To-Live Diet? Echo Train Length? Economic Threshold Level? Edge-Triggered Latch? Edison Testing Laboratories? Educational Technology Learning? Effective Translational Lift? El Toro Loco? Electric Testing Laboratory?

    IMAO (In My Arrogant Opinion (like anyone is humble when they say imho...)), If it's not in the first 10 items on acronymfinder.com it doesn't exist!

  • Jeff (unregistered)

    ETL - Export, Transform, Load

    basically a process to take data out of one database, massage it, and put into another database.

  • (cs) in reply to Imsoconfused
    Imsoconfused:
    What the heck does ETL stand for?
    'E Took it too Literally. It, too, was anonymised.
  • (cs) in reply to Imsoconfused
    Imsoconfused:
    IMAO (In My Arrogant Opinion (like anyone is humble when they say imho...)),
    No, they probably aren't humble, but they might be Hubris-filled, and so might their opinion. IMHO ==> In My Hubris-filled Opinion.
  • anon (unregistered) in reply to Imsoconfused
    Imsoconfused:
    What the heck does ETL stand for? I hate it when people use acronyms without defining them in the article, I couldn't even find one appropriate on acronymfinder.com:

    Early Termination Liability? Eat-To-Live Diet? Echo Train Length? Economic Threshold Level? Edge-Triggered Latch? Edison Testing Laboratories? Educational Technology Learning? Effective Translational Lift? El Toro Loco? Electric Testing Laboratory?

    IMAO (In My Arrogant Opinion (like anyone is humble when they say imho...)), If it's not in the first 10 items on acronymfinder.com it doesn't exist!

    Google comes back with this article as the first result: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extract,_transform,_load

  • (cs) in reply to ratchet freak
    ratchet freak:
    dtech:
    What exactly is a "nosebleed-level executive"? Google turns this article up as the only place it's used...

    it's a play on nosebleed section:

    wikipedia:
    The nosebleed section (or nosebleed seats) are those seats of a public arena, usually an athletic stadium or gymnasium, that are highest and, usually, farthest from the desired activity.
    Uh, no. Think WHY the nosebleed section is called that. It's because you're sitting at a high altitude. So "nosebleed-level executive" would denote a very high-level executive.
  • NotZeus (unregistered) in reply to Imsoconfused
    Imsoconfused:
    What the heck does ETL stand for? I hate it when people use acronyms without defining them in the article, I couldn't even find one appropriate on acronymfinder.com:

    Early Termination Liability? Eat-To-Live Diet? Echo Train Length? Economic Threshold Level? Edge-Triggered Latch? Edison Testing Laboratories? Educational Technology Learning? Effective Translational Lift? El Toro Loco? Electric Testing Laboratory?

    IMAO (In My Arrogant Opinion (like anyone is humble when they say imho...)), If it's not in the first 10 items on acronymfinder.com it doesn't exist!

    I still prefer FTL

    capthca: paratus - a roman talking bird

  • (cs) in reply to Zylon
    Zylon:
    ratchet freak:
    dtech:
    What exactly is a "nosebleed-level executive"? Google turns this article up as the only place it's used...

    it's a play on nosebleed section:

    wikipedia:
    The nosebleed section (or nosebleed seats) are those seats of a public arena, usually an athletic stadium or gymnasium, that are highest and, usually, farthest from the desired activity.
    Uh, no. Think WHY the nosebleed section is called that. It's because you're sitting at a high altitude. So "nosebleed-level executive" would denote a very high-level executive.
    They are still far away from the action so it still fits :P
  • Paul Neumann (unregistered) in reply to NotZeus
    NotZeus:
    I still prefer FTL
    url=http://shop.fruit.com/]FTL[/url]?
  • Paul Neumann (unregistered) in reply to Paul Neumann
    NotZeus:
    I still prefer FTL
    FTL?fuck you comments
  • foo AKA fooo (unregistered) in reply to Todd Lewis
    Todd Lewis:
    WowImpressed:
    ... And no, I'm not going to send in my own again; they never get published.
    Mine got published. The point was lost, and it got twisted around so much that I looked like a pompous idiot, but otherwise...
    Hi Hanzo.
  • Burner (unregistered)

    10/1/2013 wasn't a Friday, it was Tuesday.

  • ih8u (unregistered) in reply to WowImpressed
    WowImpressed:
    Rather drop TheDailyWTF to a weekly TheWeeklyWTF and up the quality of the stories. And no, I'm not going to send in my own again; they never get published.

    I cannot imagine, then, how terrible your stories must be. It actually makes me shudder to think of the stories I've read on tdwtf that made it instead of yours.

    Alternatively, your stories, however unlikely, could be super great. Try changing the characters' names part way through, using obscure manners of speech incorrectly, ending without closure, butchering sentences to require multiple reads, etc. That may help the editors here and get your stories published.

  • Mr. Information (unregistered) 
                    KAUFMAN
      You talked about Crisis as the ultimate
      decision a character makes, but what if a
      writer is attempting to create a story
      where nothing much happens, where people
      don't change, they don't have any
      epiphanies. They struggle and are
      frustrated and nothing is resolved. More
      a reflection of the real world --

                MCKEE
      The real world? The real f**g world?
      First of all, if you write a screenplay
      without conflict or crisis, you'll bore
      your audience to tears. Secondly:
      Nothing happens in the real world? Are
      you out of your f**g mind? People are
      murdered every day! There's genocide and
      war and corruption! Every f**g day
      somewhere in the world somebody
      sacrifices his life to save someone else!
      Every f**g day someone somewhere makes
      a conscious decision to destroy someone
      else! People find love! People lose it,
      for Christ's sake! A child watches her
      mother beaten to death on the steps of a
      church! Someone goes hungry! Somebody
      else betrays his best friend for a woman!
      If you can't find that stuff in life,
      then you, my friend, don't know much
      about life! And why the f**k are you
      taking up my precious two hours with your
      movie? I don't have any use for it! I
      don't have any bloody use for it!

                KAUFMAN
      Okay, thanks.

    -- "Adaptation" screenplay by Charlie Kaufman and Donald Kaufman

  • (cs) in reply to Burner
    Burner:
    10/1/2013 wasn't a Friday, it was Tuesday.
    In my corner of the world, it was a Thursday.

    Well, actually a jeudi, but a Thursday by any other name is just as hard to handle.

  • Scourge of Programmers! (unregistered)

    Nigel did fix the problem at hand. Did he not? Unfortunately in IT, fixing one problem often creates holes in other places. That's how custom application developers earn their bread and butter.

    bad design is good for the paycheck.

  • nobody (unregistered) in reply to Adam
    Adam:
    And that's just one of the reasons I don't visit thedailynothinghappened.com. It's not interesting, so it's not worth writing about on a daily internet humour site.

    This story sounded like it was going to be interesting, but then stopped mid flow without any conclusion. Shame.

    Adam! Glad to see you're not here!

  • (cs)

    If management want to save time and don't want to pay for license, I think NIgel is doing great job and I will also do same as Nigel. If code is 3000 lines is anyone doing code review before deploying this code? Is it truly returning 1 record per line of code? Are variables correctly and freely declared?

    All these questions are leaving NAgesh with many doubts in his mind. Please reply when you can. He is currently dealing with complex type problem in C#.

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