• Steve (unregistered)

    I had a boss that needed half an hour and a slide show to understand why we were making a simple change to get around a problem.

    Two weeks into my next job, I hit a major roadblock delivering a piece of functionality. I spent the night before preparing to explain to my new boss that I couldn't solve the problem, but that it didn't really matter because... I had notes and everything.

    I walked in, said "I can't solve it because-" He cut me off and said "That doesn't matter, you can just..." and in ten seconds summarized what I'd planned to spend the next half hour explaining to him.

    A boss who understands that kind of stuff gets a huge amount of loyalty from their staff.

  • Saribro (unregistered)

    I never leave home without my flux capacitor.

  • html nazi (unregistered)

    I'm really shoocked!

  • daef (unregistered)

    TRWTF: not having a box of spare flux capacitors under the table...

  • Arch (unregistered)

    Stories like these make my days.

  • ANON (unregistered)

    Reminds me of IT Crowd: "This Jen, is the internet"

  • Lou Cypher (unregistered)

    And now Merle is the lead on healthcare.gov.

  • Peter (unregistered) in reply to ANON
    ANON:
    Reminds me of IT Crowd: "This Jen, is the internet"

    Classic. I laughed my @ss off through that entire episode.

    CSB: My daughter works in IT at a museum. For her birthday, I reproduced "The Internet" for her. Inside is a 555 and a couple of AA cells. A small hole in the side lets you switch it off with a piece of stiff wire. She had it on her desk. People either asked her what it was, or laughed.

  • jaggerbush (unregistered)

    Reminds me of a meeting where a new software tool was being demonstrated in my office. The presenter, typical PHB-type, rambled on about how "the contractor programmed a lot of synergy into this software."

    It made me chuckle, and then frightened me when everyone around me seemed to be seriously impressed.

  • Fritz, a.k.a. Fritzo (unregistered)

    Chad, a.k.a. Chado

    Now we only have to wait for the real Chad to chime in to say:

    He didn't say flux capacitors. There were no generals. He didn't go to Cancun. No-one in the office paid any attention to him. etc.

  • Clint Eastwood (unregistered)

    Went to check my usual supplier, but they're out of stock.

  • fa2k (unregistered)

    Was expecting some kind of tie-in about why the calendar on the front page is right-aligned... Seems like it's just a design bug

  • faoileag (unregistered) in reply to Fritz, a.k.a. Fritzo
    Fritz:
    Chad, a.k.a. Chado
    No, this is miles better than the "Hanzo" stories. A joke-eyish remark made by someone who mentally had probably already been on his vacation at the time he made it, and a boss who doesn't get the joke? This is just far to plausible. Oh, and the story has unicorns in it.
  • faoileag (unregistered)

    Mandatory Dilbert cartoon: http://www.dilbert.com/fast/1996-05-02/

  • Jim the Tool (unregistered)

    The real WTF is the lack of security, whereby waving a calendar under a door to trip the motion sensor works. Sounds like some people need firing.

    1. Chad needs firing for breaking the rules, not having ID, and being a general smart arse.
    2. The security contracters need firing, because their security system is shit.
    3. The marine guards need firing, and by that I mean a firing squad, for not shooting Chad.
    4. The guard's boss needs firing (and by that I mean being shot...)...
    5. Whoever didn't have marine guards on duty needs shooting...
    6. And we'll round the list out with the entire brass, and all the politicians.

    Captcah: letatio. Chad just could letatio, and kept at it. I don't know why he wasn't letatio.

  • foo (unregistered) in reply to Jim the Tool
    Jim the Tool:
    The real WTF is the lack of security, whereby waving a calendar under a door to trip the motion sensor works. Sounds like some people need firing. 1. Chad needs firing for breaking the rules, not having ID, and being a general smart arse. 2. The security contracters need firing, because their security system is shit. 3. The marine guards need firing, and by that I mean a firing squad, for not shooting Chad. 4. The guard's boss needs firing (and by that I mean being shot...)... 5. Whoever didn't have marine guards on duty needs shooting... 6. And we'll round the list out with the entire brass, and all the politicians.

    Captcah: letatio. Chad just could letatio, and kept at it. I don't know why he wasn't letatio.

    Have a bad day, man?

  • QJ a.k.a. QJo (unregistered)

    TRWTF is that yes, the flux capacitors were delivered on time, then it turned out he needed a sonic screwdriver to install them with -- and that needed to be ordered from England so that it would arrive yesterday.

  • nak (unregistered)

    Once convinced the "technical director" (technically he directed) at a former employer (a don't let the truth or capabilities of the product come between you and a sale kind of place) that A.R.S.E (Automated Recovery System Executable) and B.U.M (Back Up Machine) were commonly used acronyms in disaster recovery plans, which he promptly took and ran with.

    He was rather red faced after talking about his ARSE and BUM for an hour to the head of a well known high street bank's IT Department and there army of Risk Assessors...

  • The Internet (unregistered)

    Always be honest with your boss about why things can't be done in the time frame. You never know who they are going to repeat (or reinterpert) the statement to.

    "The servers are coming along and are about to be imaged/burned in. I won't have them done before I depart, but I will get on them first thing when I get back"

  • (cs) in reply to The Internet
    The Internet:
    Always be honest with your boss about why things can't be done in the time frame. You never know who they are going to repeat (or reinterpert) the statement to.

    "The servers are coming along and are about to be imaged/burned in. I won't have them done before I depart, but I will get on them first thing when I get back"

    You don't see the problem? Merle will burn-in the servers in Chads absence. With a MIG-welder!

  • Jim the Tool (unregistered) in reply to foo

    I'll cut you. I'll bloody well cut you! Just say one more bloody word...

  • Krunt (unregistered) in reply to The Internet
    The Internet:
    Always be honest with your boss about why things can't be done in the time frame. You never know who they are going to repeat (or reinterpert) the statement to.

    "The servers are coming along and are about to be imaged/burned in. I won't have them done before I depart, but I will get on them first thing when I get back"

    I think that was the issue though - telling him this (the truth) would've resulted in a lot of pain and suffering trying to explain it, and the guy just wanted to get out of there and go on vacation.

    Although not a software WTF, this one was actually entertaining and I very much hope it was genuine.

  • Kevin (unregistered) in reply to foo

    Considering there was a Naval Yard shooting like a month ago by a former contractor... I think he's right on point.

  • Kevin (unregistered) in reply to foo
    foo:
    Jim the Tool:
    The real WTF is the lack of security, whereby waving a calendar under a door to trip the motion sensor works. Sounds like some people need firing. 1. Chad needs firing for breaking the rules, not having ID, and being a general smart arse. 2. The security contracters need firing, because their security system is shit. 3. The marine guards need firing, and by that I mean a firing squad, for not shooting Chad. 4. The guard's boss needs firing (and by that I mean being shot...)... 5. Whoever didn't have marine guards on duty needs shooting... 6. And we'll round the list out with the entire brass, and all the politicians.

    Captcah: letatio. Chad just could letatio, and kept at it. I don't know why he wasn't letatio.

    Have a bad day, man?

    Considering there was a Naval Yard shooting like a month ago by a former contractor... I think he's right on point.

  • QJ a.k.a. QJo (unregistered) in reply to Jim the Tool
    Jim the Tool:
    I'll cut you. I'll bloody well cut you! Just say one more bloody word...

    Ah shut up, big-nose.

  • Been there, done that (unregistered) in reply to Jim the Tool
    Jim the Tool:
    5. Whoever didn't have marine guards on duty needs shooting...

    Sounds like someone that has never been to a military facility that is non-critical and not specifically within a military base.

    Just because it says military doesn't mean it needed armed guards.

  • Jim the Tool (unregistered) in reply to Been there, done that

    That's true enough. I guess I should just modify that to say, "shoot the bosses". And make sure to keep the guns oiled and the bullets stocked, so as to be sure to shoot anyone who wants to be a boss into the future...

  • Taco (unregistered) in reply to Krunt

    me 2

  • Bob (unregistered)

    Been a while since we had a good one.

    That said, what are the first two paragraphs for? Might want to check "Checkov's Gun"...

  • Beta (unregistered) in reply to Jim the Tool
    Jim the Tool:
    The real WTF is the lack of security, whereby waving a calendar under a door to trip the motion sensor works. Sounds like some people need firing. 1. Chad needs firing for breaking the rules, not having ID, and being a general smart arse. 2. The security contracters need firing, because their security system is shit. 3. The marine guards need firing, and by that I mean a firing squad, for not shooting Chad. 4. The guard's boss needs firing (and by that I mean being shot...)... 5. Whoever didn't have marine guards on duty needs shooting... 6. And we'll round the list out with the entire brass, and all the politicians.

    This kind of weakness in physical security is quite common. It's remarkably difficult to make a door that is very easy to open from the inside and very hard to open from the outside.

    1. He may have broken a rule (which in some rules-over-brains places could get him in a heap of trouble), but leaving a badge at home ought not to be a firing offense, and if you fire all the smart-arses you'll wind up with an IT department full of nothing but dumb-arses.
    2. This kind of weakness in physical security is quite common. It's remarkably difficult to make a door that is very easy to open from the inside and very hard to open from the outside. How much are you willing to pay, per door?
    3. I very much doubt that there were armed guards on that door.
    4. Ah...
    5. So... You understand about 3? But you think there ought to be armed guards on every door?
    6. Okaaaay...
  • (cs) in reply to faoileag
    faoileag:
    Mandatory Dilbert cartoon: http://www.dilbert.com/fast/1996-05-02/
    That one came out in the middle of my tenure at a long-since defunct maker of Token Ring equipment. We laughed.
  • QJ a.k.a. QJo (unregistered) in reply to Beta
    Beta:
    Jim the Tool:
    The real WTF is the lack of security, whereby waving a calendar under a door to trip the motion sensor works. Sounds like some people need firing. 1. Chad needs firing for breaking the rules, not having ID, and being a general smart arse. 2. The security contracters need firing, because their security system is shit. 3. The marine guards need firing, and by that I mean a firing squad, for not shooting Chad. 4. The guard's boss needs firing (and by that I mean being shot...)... 5. Whoever didn't have marine guards on duty needs shooting... 6. And we'll round the list out with the entire brass, and all the politicians.

    This kind of weakness in physical security is quite common. It's remarkably difficult to make a door that is very easy to open from the inside and very hard to open from the outside.

    1. He may have broken a rule (which in some rules-over-brains places could get him in a heap of trouble), but leaving a badge at home ought not to be a firing offense, and if you fire all the smart-arses you'll wind up with an IT department full of nothing but dumb-arses.
    2. This kind of weakness in physical security is quite common. It's remarkably difficult to make a door that is very easy to open from the inside and very hard to open from the outside. How much are you willing to pay, per door?
    3. I very much doubt that there were armed guards on that door.
    4. Ah...
    5. So... You understand about 3? But you think there ought to be armed guards on every door?
    6. Okaaaay...

    2: You might start by making it considerably more difficult than sticking something under the door and waving it around. Like perhaps siting the doors in a groove, or something.

  • Andrew (unregistered)

    TRWTF is hotlinking SVG images straight off Wikipedia.

  • Chris Q (unregistered) in reply to ANON

    Here it is in all its glory!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDbyYGrswtg

  • Occam's Strop (unregistered) in reply to Jim the Tool

    Right. Next time I hope you'll explain why they should've shot Richard Feynman for messing with the security folks' heads at Los Alamos.

    Captcha: secundum. Secundum quem?

  • Valued Service (unregistered) in reply to QJ a.k.a. QJo
    QJ a.k.a. QJo:
    2: You might start by making it considerably more difficult than sticking something under the door and waving it around. Like perhaps siting the doors in a groove, or something.

    So that they don't open?

    How about aiming the motion sensor up so it doesn't pick up the random rat running by.

  • anonymous (unregistered) in reply to QJ a.k.a. QJo
    no laughing matter:
    Merle will burn-in the servers in Chads absence. With a MIG-welder!
    This is actually the direction I initially thought this WTF was heading. "Psh! Image and burn-in? How hard can it be to operate a digital camera and douse some equipment in diesel and have a bonfire? In fact, let's not even wait for the prick from IT to get back. More weenies and marshmallows for us."
    QJ a.k.a. QJo:
    You might start by making it considerably more difficult than sticking something under the door and waving it around. Like perhaps siting the doors in a groove, or something.
    Ah... how would you propose opening a door that is set in a groove? Does they lift up to the floor level to be opened, or perhaps retract into the walls with swishing noises?

    Captcha: tation. Anion, cation, tation, station.
  • (cs)

    Or perhaps the door tilts upwards?

  • Tom (unregistered) in reply to QJ a.k.a. QJo

    This is actually an extremely common problem with keycard-activated doors.

    Safety requirements require that the door open from the inside without the need for a key, and a lot of facilities haven't properly oriented their motion sensors to prevent just this situation.

    FYI, there are actually several ways to make doors open from the inside while securely locking them outside, and places with motion sensors usually only have the motion sensors active during the work day. At night and on weekends, you have to use the keypad/card reader to get out that door.

  • Tom (unregistered) in reply to Bob

    This was a "red herring." The author wanted us to think that this guy was about to get fired for bypassing the security system at the front door.

  • Matteo (unregistered) in reply to anonymous
    QJ a.k.a. QJo:
    You might start by making it considerably more difficult than sticking something under the door and waving it around. Like perhaps siting the doors in a groove, or something.
    Ah... how would you propose opening a door that is set in a groove? Does they lift up to the floor level to be opened, or perhaps retract into the walls with swishing noises?[color=inherit;display:none]

    Well, a sliding door has grooves. A steep threshold would work pretty well too, although it would be a tripping hazard.

    For a real solution, ala the engineer's gloves, you could have a collapsible threshold mechanism - something like a flap attached to a servo, so that when the door is closed, the flap is vertical, blocking the bottom. A sensor attached to an Arduino would detect when the door was opening and signal the servo to lower the flap so it's flush with the floor. Of course, you'd need some redundancies in case the power went out, so perhaps a hydraulic...

    Or, you know, get rid of the damn motion sensor and just use a pushbar like is used in every fire exit in the known universe.

  • ¯\(°_o)/¯ I DUNNO LOL (unregistered) in reply to Clint Eastwood
    Clint Eastwood:
    Went to check my usual supplier, but they're out of stock.
    * Time Travel at your own RISK!!! * Plutonium is required to properly operate Flux Capacitor. (etc.)
    BRILLANT. Except they misspelled "jiggawatts".
  • QJo (unregistered) in reply to anonymous
    anonymous:
    no laughing matter:
    Merle will burn-in the servers in Chads absence. With a MIG-welder!
    This is actually the direction I initially thought this WTF was heading. "Psh! Image and burn-in? How hard can it be to operate a digital camera and douse some equipment in diesel and have a bonfire? In fact, let's not even wait for the prick from IT to get back. More weenies and marshmallows for us."
    QJ a.k.a. QJo:
    You might start by making it considerably more difficult than sticking something under the door and waving it around. Like perhaps siting the doors in a groove, or something.
    Ah... how would you propose opening a door that is set in a groove? Does they lift up to the floor level to be opened, or perhaps retract into the walls with swishing noises?

    Captcha: tation. Anion, cation, tation, station.

    "perhaps retract into the walls with swishing noises?"

    Is the concept of sliding doors a revolutionary concept where you come from? The swishing noise is optional; I presume you gleaned your idea of high technology from some 5-decade-old space soap-opera, but we in Europe have been familiar with sliding doors for considerably longer than that.

  • ingenium (unregistered) in reply to Tom
    Tom:
    This was a "red herring." The author wanted us to think that this guy was about to get fired for bypassing the security system at the front door.

    At military installations I've worked at, you wouldn't get past the first checkpoint without a valid security pass. And losing one will get you dragged up in front of the Commandant.

  • anon (unregistered)

    how about a simple pushbutton a few feet away from the door? that's what is used at every secure door i've ever seen. i've never even heard of a motion sensor being used for this purpose.

  • Aigarius (unregistered)

    WTH is with the doors and motion detectors? How about a simple handle on the inside that you open the door with by turning it? Far more secure and far less likely to malfunction in an emergency than a motion sensor + electronic lock combo. Half of hotels have such setup.

  • ¯\(°_o)/¯ I DUNNO LOL (unregistered) in reply to ingenium

    He probably got on base because of a sticker on his front windshield. Might not work today, but 20 years ago it could. Or a regular photo ID might have been enough to get on base, but the RFID pass for the door was what he left at home.

    Also, scum of the earth contractors don't get "dragged up in front of the Commandant". Back in the day when I was one, we were such scum that we worked in a condemened former barracks.

  • gnasher729 (unregistered) in reply to anonymous
    anonymous:
    Ah... how would you propose opening a door that is set in a groove? Does they lift up to the floor level to be opened, or perhaps retract into the walls with swishing noises?
    At my parents' home, most doors had a clever mechanism that would lift the door maybe 10mm when opened. Mostly to save the carpets.
  • Deadstick (unregistered) in reply to foo

    Well, he's overboard on the shooting part, but he's basically correct: circumventing entry control in a secure military facility is VERY serious. Barring a successful coverup, he would be out of the secure environment permanently, and the security officer would be a long time waiting for his next promotion.

  • (cs)

    Great story, made my day. Thank you.

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