Recent Feature Articles

Mar 2008

Out of Balance

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Excitement was in the air. It was the turn of the century and the dot-com boom was in full effect. The bubble just kept growing and growing, and it was probably invincible! The consulting company that Chris G. worked for had gotten their largest contract yet — the first they'd ever had in the seven figure range. Their goal? Build a sister site for a major investment bank that would serve news and analysis on the latest in the investment world.

Going in, the client made it clear that they wanted to do things right and that money was not an object. This was the height of the bubble, after all. In addition to Chris's company, top consultants from IBM and Sun were hired and involved in virtually every aspect of the project. After the majority of the analysis was done, it was time to discuss the bank's hardware needs.


The Sage

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Jared D.'s time at the hardware store's paint department was mostly uneventful. At 16 years old, he worked over the summer to make some extra money before starting his sophomore year of high school. Day in, day out he'd guide customers to rollers, brushes, primers, tapes, and sponges. It wasn't as boring, though, when he got to use the paint machine.

The paint machine was pretty awesome — a customer would bring up a paint swatch, Jared would key in the color, and the machine would mix the appropriate amount of each primary and secondary color, producing something that matched the swatch. Even better, shortly after Jared started, a second system was added — one with an optical sensor that could find the closest paint match to any physical object. He'd then take its output and key it in to the paint machine. One side effect of the new system, though, was that it would crash somewhat frequently. And when it did, there was only one guy who could fix it: The Sage.


Announcement: WTF in Français

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It's time once again to announce a new locale branch: The Daily WTF: Edition Française at fr.TheDailyWTF.com.

Edition française is headed up by Jocelyn Demoy, a French IT developer who recently managed to escape from a small IT company rife with worst practices and anti-patterns. He's now a developer at a major insurance company. Jocelyn adds...


Student Initiative

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A few years ago, Rob Bateman worked as a programming lecturer at Bourenmouth University. Like many instructors, Rob put his notes, assignments, and resources on his webpage, available for all to see. It wasn't anything particularly interesting or exciting, mostly just stuff like this...


Announcement: See You At Notacon!

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In April of 2004, Cleveland, OH became much more awesome. You see, that was the opening day of Notacon, the annual un-conference conference centered around technology, philosophy, and creativity. This year's event - Notacon 5 - will run April 4th thru 6th, and I have the honor of being one of the speakers.

Unlike the “corporate conventions” so many of us are used to, Notacon is put together by enthusiasts for enthusiasts. While that means attendees won’t walk away with swag-bags of pens, sticky pads, and logoed squishy-balls, they will most certainly learn a lot and have a great time. Here's some of the going-ons...


Making a Difference

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When Chris walked off the platform with a computer science degree in hand, he knew one thing for sure: He'd have to start all over again in the business world. And with a dizzying smorgasbord of technologies and a whole world of concepts never broached in school, Chris knew he'd need guidance from a mentor.

Fortunately, Chris didn't have to look too far. He was offered a job as a .NET Web developer and Gary, his new boss, was more than ready for the mentoring challenge.


The Computer Vote Totals

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The early 1970's sure were fun. Of course, I'm not quite old enough to know that first hand – and, based on the last reader survey, neither are most of you – but, longtime reader and contributor G.R.G. certainly remembers. You see, by that time, computers were starting to become a novelty.

There was the computerized this and the computerized that - if something didn't have the adjective "computer", had no blinking lights, and couldn't even make a beeping noise, then it was booorrring. Think back to those old Computer Football or Computer Hockey games that you saw at the flea market and then quickly passed up because they were nothing more than, well, a stupid board game with a few blinking lights that occasionally beeped. It should come as no surprise that the local television news programs went computerized, too.


Stargate: Code of the Replicators

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In the Stargate SG-1 universe, The Replicators are an incredibly formidable AI race. Made up of small, interchangeable blocks that communicate through subspace across the galaxy, replicators can form into just about anything, from crazy little spider robots to androids to entire fricken spaceships. Worse still, the replicators consume virtually everything in their path to create more replicators, and adapt to and integrate any technology they come across. Oh yes, they make the Borg seem like kittens.

I’ve always wondered, how might such an incredibly advanced system, with such incredibly complex adaptive logic, incredibly sophisticated networking, and nearly unlimited storage be built? Would the software that powers such a thing be like C++ hopped up on some funky alien steroids? Fortunately, the fine folks behind Stargate - The Ark of Truth figured it out. Take a watch at this quick video I strung together …


The Haunted Door

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Life was good for Jeremy. He'd just landed a good job with interesting coworkers in a nice, newly-remodeled office. His cubicle was at the perfect distance between the elevators, bathroom, and snack machines. His boss respected him, his coworkers wouldn't hesitate to help him, and it was work that he genuinely enjoyed.

In fact, the only things Jeremy could complain about were minor — the coffee sucked, the vending machine didn't have Whatchamacallits, and the keycard-protected doors were slow to open. It hadn't really registered with him until he was jogging down the hallway, late for a meeting, and found himself waiting for 10, 20, 30 seconds for the door to open after he swiped his keycard. The embarrassment was eased when another coworker showed up even later than Jeremy, complaining that "the damn door took like a minute to open!"


You'll Need to Come Downtown

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When the H.R. director calls to rhetorically ask “can you come to my office for a chat… right now,” the conversation that follows rarely goes well. When one gets that call, goes to the office, and then finds two uniformed officers waiting, that conversation almost certainly never goes well. It sure didn’t for Steve.

“You’re Steve, Steve McDowan,” asked the younger, clean-shaven officer with a buzz cut. Steve nodded nervously. The officer ruffled through his notepad and continued, “that’s Steve McDowan, at… let me see here…  4875 East Bridge Street?”


The Sub-Sub-Sub-Subcontractor

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In Leon's country, most government institutions are legally obligated to disclose certain data on the internet — their structure, responsibility, public competitions, general announcements, and so on. Leon worked for a company that did government work exclusively, and during a lull in their normal projects, they noticed an unfilled niche — software designed specifically to make sharing of this information easy.

Management prepared the specs with dozens of citations referencing government-produced documents that outlined the rigid formatting requirements. Boiling it all down, though, it wasn't so bad. Just some document storage and retrieval, basic usage logging, and two-level security: users, who can read everything, and admins, who can edit everything. Business logic was simple, because all changes would be done manually by an admin.


Foiled by the Dictionary

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'Maximum Number of Emails Per Hour Has Been Exceeded?' What the hell? The head of Golficionados was not pleased. He called James to get it fixed.

James and team had just launched the web site for Golficionados, a small golf supply business, the day before. As a part of the contract, James had to set up their email server and create accounts for all 30 users. He was surprised to be woken up at 6:30 by an angry client call.


Jurassic Programmers

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When Russ started at InsuraCorp (as I'll call it), one thing was immediately apparent: There were two classes of programmers. The "rock stars," who were recruited from top universities and given first-class accommodations, like windowed offices with brand new computers and dual 21-inch LCD monitors; and the "dinosaurs," who were cramped in dimly lit cubicles each about the size of a refrigerator box. The dinosaurs were lucky if they had a fully working keyboard for their Windows 98 workstations.

It hadn't always been that way. About six months earlier, the dinosaurs occupied the nicer offices. They were responsible for maintaining -- some, originally building -- InsuraCorp's 25-year-old cash-cow product. Though it worked very well, the system ran on the VMS operating system and was written in the now-forgotten Digital Interactive Business Oriented Language (DIBOL), rendering it accessible only through a text-based terminal emulator. In the age of the Web, and competitors with a more modern product, customers demanded more.


The One Script

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"My company has a historical division between the IT Department and the Web Department," writes D. S. Black. "The IT Department does all the normal 'IT' stuff, while the Web folks mostly do non-technical like designing websites, creating simple databases, and configuring web servers. As a result, we've had a few web administrators who haven't quite been All There when it comes to things like reusable libraries, sensible documentation, and database design."

"One server I came across had at least a dozen different form-mail scripts. The earlier ones were written in Perl, but as the years passed, the secret of sending E-mail from Perl was lost. A few of the Perl scripts called Blat (a Win32 command line E-Mail utility), but eventually, even that knowledge was lost.