The Daily WTF: Curious Perversions in Information Technology

The Super Hacker

by Jake Vinson in Feature Articles on 2008-04-30

As a junior network administrator at a small local ISP, Kiefer R.'s job is pretty mundane. Aside from the occasional bandwidth problem investigating, cable laying, and spline reticulating, there's not too much excitement.

One morning, Kiefer's boss said he was going to come down for a chat, so Kiefer loaded up a bandwidth monitoring utility and pretended to be busy. "Kiefer," Mike began, "I just wanted to give you a heads up. We're having a guy come down next week to run some security checks on our systems here. Particularly our main web server."

112 comments - Last comment @ 2011-04-13

Know your Audience

by Jake Vinson in Error'd on 2008-04-29

Whereas most ads for search engines list something boring like "hotels" or "pet grooming" as an example, Live Search knows what the average internet user actually searches for.

(submitted by Rob G.)

44 comments - Last comment @ 2024-06-13

Best f**king censorship ever

by Jake Vinson in Best of the Sidebar on 2008-04-28

Originally posted by "rc_pinchey"...

A friend of mine recently started a new job, and we were having a conversation via email. Unexpectedly, she tells me that my latest email has been blocked by their automated filtering system — instead of receiving my email, she was sent this:

167 comments - Last comment @ 2008-06-13

Thank you, Javascript

by Jake Vinson in Best of the Sidebar on 2008-04-24

Originally posted by "Charles Capps"...

I was having a very, very difficult afternoon. After over a year of pondering, we finally had an excuse to wedge a date widget into our web-based intranet app. Unfortunately, the Javascript library that we chose doesn't exactly have a plethora of widget options unless you're also using the underlying platform the library likes. Yes, I'm talking to you, Prototype. Stop that, it's annoying.

152 comments - Last comment @ 2012-06-17

Halfway in the Digital Age

by Jake Vinson in Feature Articles on 2008-04-23

Bug tracking software? Who needs it! I was confident in my ability to maintain several Outlook folders of bug reports, flagging completed ones 'orange' — or was it 'green' that meant done? No, wait, I think it was purple. My system was perfect. Then Alex came along and ruined it all. I can't pinpoint exactly when I started regularly using the bug tracking software that he liked, but it may've had something to do with being held at gunpoint. You probably thought Alex was kidding in that article. "You don't have a choice in this. Use the software," Alex suggested. After the ~~threat~~ ~~encounter~~ training session with Alex, I called my loved ones, then started copying the unresolved bugs (yellow flags) from my Outlook manual bug tracking system. Wait, crap, blue flags.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that change — such as introducing a bug tracking system — is gradual. Byron's team had reluctantly installed and began using Bugzilla, which ironically appeared to be full of bugs. His team would report updating and resolving issues, but these updates were not appearing in the system.

113 comments - Last comment @ 2008-04-29

Immature CAPTCHA

by Jake Vinson in Error'd on 2008-04-23

Real mature. What hilarious and edgy word will it pick next? BOOB? FART?

(submitted by Johan)

43 comments - Last comment @ 2024-10-18

Seven Twisty Little Code Files, All Alike

by Jake Vinson in CodeSOD on 2008-04-22

"I started working at my company about four years ago," Craig F. writes. "When I started here there were a number of applications developed and floating around for use by the staff, all written by a contractor whom I've never met, but whose name I curse regularly.

"Over the years I've re-written a number of the smaller applications he wrote. Usually because the users wanted new functionality, and I didn't want to (or couldn't) delve into the classic ASP code that they were made of. There is one application, however, that continues to haunt me.

74 comments - Last comment @ 2009-02-27

The Stored Procedure Solution

by Jake Vinson in CodeSOD on 2008-04-18

Things started simply enough. In the first version of the now years-old ColdFusion application that Lindsay L maintains, all database queries were hard-coded.

<cfquery name="get_products" ds="#datasource#>
    select * from products where customer_id=#customer_id#
</cfquery>

137 comments - Last comment @ 2008-04-27

Toppling the Stack

by Jake Vinson in Feature Articles on 2008-04-16

When programmers disagree, generally one of two things happens. One, they talk it over like mature adults and agree on a solution that works for everybody. Two, they have a swearing match that ends on an angry compromise, then the programmers go off and do their own thing anyway and blame the whole mess on a "miscommunication."

Guess which path was taken by Skip S.'s predecessors.

78 comments - Last comment @ 2008-04-19

Waiting by the Mailbox

by Jake Vinson in Error'd on 2008-04-15

Andrea is never going to get her refund...

38 comments - Last comment @ 2010-05-04

Pascal Strings

by Jake Vinson in Best of the Sidebar on 2008-04-11

Originally posted by "JukeboxJim"...

Extracts from a "Pascal Strings" class inside a Java project... for when Java strings just aren't fast enough for you:

90 comments - Last comment @ 2008-12-05

Getting Mixed Messages

by Jake Vinson in Error'd on 2008-04-10

"Your password has been changed" *picks flower petal* "your password has been changed not" *picks flower petal*

39 comments - Last comment @ 2010-10-26

A Method by Any Other Name

by Jake Vinson in CodeSOD on 2008-04-09

K. K. sent in an example of his company's naming conventions for methods, in which if you have a method that's used frequently, you repeat part of its name for dramatic effect.

91 comments - Last comment @ 2010-03-24

The Service Awards Ceremony

by Jake Vinson in Feature Articles on 2008-04-08

The store was abuzz leading up to the most gala event that Computer Czar store 893 would have the honor and privilege of hosting. After the big night, they'd have to wait an agonizing three months until the next one. It was time for the Quarterly Computer Czar Store 893 Service Recognition Award Ceremony.

To even be considered for such an honor required a strength of will and determination that only a small number of the employees lacked. Not only did you have to not get fired or quit, but you had to continue to not get fired or quit for one, five, or ten years!

85 comments - Last comment @ 2016-12-07

The Road to CHECK FILE

by Jake Vinson in Error'd on 2008-04-08

Where's this bus going, Mike C. ponders. Hopefully the driver knows.

54 comments - Last comment @ 2008-11-07

Jan-48

by Jake Vinson in Best of the Sidebar on 2008-04-04

Originally posted by Spikeles...

I ordered a software product last year from a company in the US. They're a great company with really smart people who produce really good software.

164 comments - Last comment @ 2011-01-08

Tech Support Heck

by Jake Vinson in Feature Articles on 2008-04-03

I'm sure many of you have had or are currently working in a tech support position. Consider yourself fortunate if you've never had experiences like these.

Duly Noted from Ed

134 comments - Last comment @ 2008-06-22

Discount calculation

by Jake Vinson in Best of the Sidebar on 2008-04-03

Originally posted by Zecc...

Just bumped against this code on my current project:

52 comments - Last comment @ 2011-08-02

Penny-Wise, Pound-Foolish

by Jake Vinson in Feature Articles on 2008-04-02

Lee B. was ready to impress. The night before his first day on the contract he laid out his outfit for the day, ironed his clothes, and made sure to get a good night's sleep. He wanted to leave a great impression, and had planned and visualized exactly how he would do so.

On the drive to the bank where he'd be working, he couldn't help but smile. The radio said that it would be cold and that there was stormy weather ahead, but that didn't phase him — he had a feeling that everything would be coming up Lee.

99 comments - Last comment @ 2010-05-22

Pop Quiz, Hotshot

by Jake Vinson in CodeSOD on 2008-04-02

Something different for today — a multiple choice CodeSOD! Assume the following:

(CASE WHEN "Help Desk Attributes".Priority = '3-Medium' AND ("Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" - (Case WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 1 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" = 0 THEN 0 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 1 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" <= 5 THEN 1 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 1 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" = 6 THEN 2 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 1 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" <= 12 THEN 3 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 1 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" = 13 THEN 4 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 1 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" <= 19 THEN 5 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 2 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" BETWEEN -1 AND 4 THEN 0 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 2 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" = 5 THEN 1 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 2 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" <= 11 THEN 2 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 2 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" = 12 THEN 3 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 2 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" <= 18 THEN 4 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 3 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" BETWEEN -1 AND 3 THEN 0 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 3 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" = 4 THEN 1 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 3 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" <= 10 THEN 2 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 3 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" = 11 THEN 3 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 3 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" <= 17 THEN 4 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 4 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" BETWEEN -1 AND 2 THEN 0 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 4 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" = 3 THEN 1 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 4 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" <= 9 THEN 2 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 4 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" = 10 THEN 3 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 4 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" <= 16 THEN 4 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 5 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" BETWEEN -1 AND 1 THEN 0 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 5 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" = 2 THEN 1 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 5 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" <= 8 THEN 2 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 5 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" = 9 THEN 3 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 5 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" <= 15 THEN 4 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 6 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" BETWEEN -1 AND 0 THEN 0 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 6 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" = 1 THEN 1 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 6 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" <= 7 THEN 2 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 6 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" = 8 THEN 3 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 6 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" <= 14 THEN 4 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 7 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" BETWEEN -1 AND 0 THEN 0 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 7 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" = 1 THEN 1 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" <= 7 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" <= 76 THEN 2 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 7 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" = 7 THEN 3 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 7 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" <= 13 THEN 4 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 7 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" = 14 THEN 5 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 7 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" <= 20 THEN 6 ELSE 0 END)) <= 5 THEN 1 WHEN "Help Desk Attributes".Priority = '4-Low' AND ("Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" - (Case WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 1 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" = 0 THEN 0 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 1 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" <= 5 THEN 1 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 1 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" = 6 THEN 2 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 1 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" <= 12 THEN 3 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 1 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" = 13 THEN 4 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 1 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" <= 19 THEN 5 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 2 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" BETWEEN -1 AND 4 THEN 0 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 2 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" = 5 THEN 1 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 2 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" <= 11 THEN 2 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 2 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" = 12 THEN 3 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 2 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" <= 18 THEN 4 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 3 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" BETWEEN -1 AND 3 THEN 0 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 3 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" = 4 THEN 1 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 3 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" <= 10 THEN 2 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 3 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" = 11 THEN 3 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 3 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" <= 17 THEN 4 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 4 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" BETWEEN -1 AND 2 THEN 0 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 4 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" = 3 THEN 1 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 4 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" <= 9 THEN 2 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 4 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" = 10 THEN 3 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 4 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" <= 16 THEN 4 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 5 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" BETWEEN -1 AND 1 THEN 0 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 5 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" = 2 THEN 1 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 5 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" <= 8 THEN 2 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 5 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" = 9 THEN 3 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 5 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" <= 15 THEN 4 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 6 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" BETWEEN -1 AND 0 THEN 0 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 6 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" = 1 THEN 1 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 6 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" <= 7 THEN 2 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 6 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" = 8 THEN 3 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 6 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" <= 14 THEN 4 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 7 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" BETWEEN -1 AND 0 THEN 0 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 7 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" = 1 THEN 1 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" <= 7 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" <= 76 THEN 2 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 7 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" = 7 THEN 3 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 7 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" <= 13 THEN 4 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 7 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" = 14 THEN 5 WHEN "- Open Date"."Day in Week" = 7 AND "Help Desk Attributes"."TAT To Close - Days" <= 20 THEN 6 ELSE 0 END)) <= 10 THEN 1 ELSE 0 END)

83 comments - Last comment @ 2008-05-19